What kind of a mother would I be?

Carrie-Anne - posted on 11/30/2011 ( 41 moms have responded )

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I don't like it that he has to know where I live. But I don't have to know where he lives when He has Our Child with him. I have asked him for the info. I am about to take our child and she take me to his place so I can Wight his address down and have the Address. Am I wrong to do that? What kind of a mother would I be?

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Sherri - posted on 12/01/2011

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I would be taking it to court but I agree with Sarah do not put your child in the middle. However, before you allow him to take her again he either needs to give you the information or file papers with the court.

Amanda - posted on 11/30/2011

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I dont know where you live, but where I live my ex has to always tell me his address. My children do not leave this house without me knowing where they are going.

[deleted account]

Really, Sarah... you don't see any reason she NEEDS to know where her child is? I do agree about not putting a kid in the middle, but to have no reason to need to know where your own child is is absolutely absurd.

[deleted account]

It's in the court order that my ex has to provide me w/ the address where he lives if he is having my kids. I would not question what kind of mother you are for getting that information. I WOULD question what kind of 'father' HE is for not willingly providing that to you though.

Nicole - posted on 12/04/2011

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you have every right to know his address. I would be greatly concerned that he doesn't want you to know where he lives. It sounds a lot like he's just using it as a way to control you. I would recommend seeking out free legal advice as how to handle this situation. That way you can feel confident in any action you take. Good luck!

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Adrienne - posted on 12/05/2011

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Carrie-Anne - If you live in WA and have the standard custody arrangement, then he has to provide you with his address unless he has a protection order. He also has to provide his contact number. Double check your parenting plan, it should be in there. If he is refusing, file a complaint through family court. What county are you in? If you're in Clark - then PM me and I can give you better advice for navigating the ins and outs there.

Carrie-Anne - posted on 12/05/2011

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yes he does get unsupervised visitations. and no we have not had transition period. she just busy makeing more babys and getting married.

[deleted account]

How is it that he didn't see his 12 year old child for 12 years and he gets unsupervised visitations? THAT would piss me off... unless you guys already had a transition period for the sake of your child?

Debz - posted on 12/04/2011

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I suspect " he" has told you " he does have to tell you where he lives." I suggest you do not get into it with him, contact your lawyer have him get the address or have a friend follow your ex home and get the address. I am reading between the lines but I get the feeling this is not a good situation! Protect YOURSELF and your child, do not listen to his nonsense and do not get " into it with him" . Stay safe! Love x

Carrie-Anne - posted on 12/02/2011

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Sarah: thanks but been from the South at one time. I can't not know where My Child is. I even have his in-laws Addy. And No he did not give me that info. And no our child any thing to do with me getting that info. But if you think that I'm going to let you take my child to a place I don't know. You’re Nutt's. See he has not seen our Child in over 12 years of her life. And she is 12. And then you come in and play the dad. Your nut’s to not let me know where “he” live. But I do thank you for all of your love and Help.

K - posted on 12/02/2011

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I think the question is what kind of father WOULDN'T tell you? Its a control thing. Go to court.

[deleted account]

your call, but then again if he filed contempt charges, you can also if its the law or in your custody arrangement. Driving to his house via your child is grounds for all sorts of legal implications ie restraining orders, or a custody battle (mom is putting child in the middle unnecessarily). You can file for a change in parenting plan to have it added he needs to tell you his address if its not in there. I would question my lawyer why he didn't include it in the first place (unless its law)

Carrie-Anne - posted on 12/02/2011

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Jennifer: I would be in contempt. If I hold my child from him. And as for child support having his Addy. They can have it. But they do not give it out to the other parent. I live in Washington State. But I did get his new addy. he txt's me asking for my Addy and her SSN. "for his work he tills me" so I did give it to him and I told him that I need his addy too. I think his new Wife had something to do with it. But who Knows? any ways she is going to speen the week end with them. But thanks for your love,Help

[deleted account]

@ Jeanette ~ parents have every right to know where their children are in split custody. even if there is a restraining order with the parents. sorry you are having probs but that has nothing to do with knowing where a child is. If you share custody you share the details of your life. simple

[deleted account]

check your laws. in WI its the law that the parents has to notify change of address to child support agency and parent within 10 days.if it is, he is in contempt~ he will also have to pay your court costs. can you ask him for it via email or text so you have proof? I would say until you let me know where you live, you are not allowed to take the kids. If he takes you to court, it will come out that he is not cooperating. Call your childsupport agency~they often have free legal helplines (advice not court attending).



but DO NOT use the child to show you where he lives. Use the system....stand up for your rights, but keep the kids out of it

Carrie-Anne - posted on 12/02/2011

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Thanks To all of yea. I did not put her in it at all. No there is not a protective order. He gives me his new address. And he did not give me a reason at all as to why he did not want me to have it.. I think his lovely new wife had something to do with it. Thanks for your Help. To: Jeannette Correia, not all ex's wife are a B. some of us are as civil as one can be. The reason that we are Exec’s is that he cheated on me more than one's. I was not doing to raise our Child that she had to stay with a man that cheats on her. I am happy for his new wife. They have a son now. 3mo old. I do Hope she can give him what he needs. With them bout alllllllll the luck for them.

Mommy - posted on 12/02/2011

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Don't put your kid in the middle. That is the absolute worst thing you could do. Go to the courtouse, and get the paperwork to file a motion to modify your custody and visitation agreement, and ask that he provide his address in order for visiation to continue. The judge will enforce that he provide his address in court, and then you will know where he lives. Please don't use your child as a go-between in any way, ever! And just as a side note, even if you know his "address" that doesn't mean that's where he stays or where he takes your child on visits. Not to make you feel worse, just something to keep in mind.

Jeannette - posted on 12/02/2011

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NO its not ok to involve your child in any which way whatsoever in your issues! it emotionally scars children for life and if that information ever got to a court that you were the kind of person whom drags the kids into your own personal agenda they wont be as favourable towards you.

Why won't he give you his details?

its ok for everyone to take the side of the mother but i haven't seen the reasons why?? or if you don't want to say why, what is the excuse he is using?

I've been on the receiving end of my husbands nut job of an ex for over 12 years and know all to well why men sometimes don't hand out details and all you women whom say that she should do everything she can to find out where he is, think about what your saying .............. my husbands ex threatened my sons life, got a police officer to hand out my details and stalked me for 6 months till I moved .......... then she hit the drugs really hard started dealing, abandoned her 2 children didn't talk to them for 2.5 years and it was the best 2.5 years of all of our lives!

It isn't always so clean cut and easy!

I am in no way judging you personally but I personally am sceptical when it comes to these situations when so much information is withheld?

I hope you and your ex can be civil for your childs sake.

Emma - posted on 12/02/2011

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Sorry to interrupt. Legally you have the right to know where he lives,as it means you know where your child is. He has NO choice.

[deleted account]

I believe you have the right to know where he lives just as he has the right..unless it was a protective order. When you both have joint custody you have to notify the parent if you are moving. Its only fair. With my children..I ask for a number where to be reached and a address just in case of a emergency.

Fawn - posted on 12/01/2011

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I also live in washington state and I had to get that put into my parenting plan with the courts. I have to give my adress and phone number and so does he. The law or child support won't give out that information cz its confidential. Good luck I would def get ur parenting plan ammended!

Heather - posted on 12/01/2011

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I do not let my son go anywhere with his father inless i know where he will be, how long they will be there, and who will be with them. and if i don't have all the answers i wont let him take my son, and if i think the place or people are inappropriate i will not let my son go with him. I must know where my son is and who hes with at all times. no questions.

Erica - posted on 12/01/2011

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In our court papers both my ex and myself have to give the other current addresses and phone numbers. You need to know where your child is, if he doesn't give it too you he's hiding something

Sarah - posted on 12/01/2011

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Please, don't put your baby in the middle! Follow him or have a friend do it, just don't put her in the middle of what problems you and your ex have. One radical idea: Don't worry about where he lives. Even if you don't like it, you can't change it and I can't think of any reason you NEED to know. This is one of those times you have to pick your battles and I don't see this as one you'll win. Good luck!

Kirsten - posted on 12/01/2011

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You have a right to know where your child is going to be. As a Mum, I like to know where they are going and to make sure that they will be safe there. That is just part of being a good Mum and caring for your child.

Heather - posted on 12/01/2011

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You aren't wrong to do that at all. You should always know where your children are. Also, is there a court order as to who has visitation and when set in place?

Kyleigh - posted on 12/01/2011

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As a custodial parent im sure you are you HAVE to know! Vice versa

Leigh Ann - posted on 12/01/2011

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You have every right to know where your child is! I can't imagine not knowing! Have you tried reverse-lookup.com?

Samantha - posted on 12/01/2011

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You have every right to know where your kid is at when they are not w/ you. That makes you a good mother. There should be no reason at all for him to not want you to know his address.

Anna - posted on 12/01/2011

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Um, did anyone hear about the "father" who threw his 3 year old, carseat and all in the river on a visit? She died. My x doesn't even know where I live and the visits were at a public place with my new husband there.

Heather - posted on 12/01/2011

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Nope. He would not go anywhere with my child if he wouldn't tell me where he lived. Makes you think he's hiding something.

LaJoya - posted on 12/01/2011

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This is a situation where you need to go to court to establish that. I don't let my son go with his father at all. He comes to our house. I would not let my child out if my sight for no reason at all.

Becca - posted on 11/30/2011

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You have the right as a mother to know where your child is. I would definately get his home address and his work address if he is working and phone numbers for him and his work as well. If he has your child in day care of with a baby sitter I would find out their address and phone number and any thing else I could about them also. Good luck.

Bonnie - posted on 11/30/2011

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Like Marina said, I would not allow my child back over there unless I have the address. That's like not knowing where your child is during these times, which really it is true.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/30/2011

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I think you are a good mother for wanting to know. I would not let my child back over their without knowing the address. What a double standard.

[deleted account]

Cuz some men suck. That's the only way to describe it. My ex is always very civil when talking to me, but I really need to watch what I say cuz he will take any microscopic nugget of anything and twist it to try and use against me.

Good luck!!

Carrie-Anne - posted on 11/30/2011

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So I need to do this poop again? Need to put that in a new court order? o man. Why can't he just give me the info? I think I'm going to see if I can talk with a plice ma/woman

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