What's the matter with my husband?

Erin - posted on 06/07/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I've seen a lot about husbands who don't help out. My husband is mostly pretty good about pitching in . . . during the day. However he gets angry with me if he wakes up at night when our 2 year-old son cries. (My son doesn't always wake, thank God. He just just has phases where he will wake up for a few nights, then back to sleeping through the night.) He thinks I should be up and be able to take care of the crying so he can sleep. He works outside the home and I stay home with our children. Since raising the children is my job, he believes I should handle all the care during the night. I have no problem getting up, I just don't always wake up before he does. The last time this happened, I had a migraine the evening before and had taken medication that made me drowsy. Is it unreasonable to think that I might not wake right away? Or to think that because he is the dad that he might help out and come and get me if he is unable to sooth our son?

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Stifler's - posted on 06/07/2011

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oh dear you can't keep a muzzle on your kids for his satisfaction. tell him to man up and get over it. i get up to our kids but seriously to expect him not to cry and wake him.....

Tara - posted on 06/07/2011

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No, you are not being unreasonable. You might want to remind him that his job as a parent does not end at night and neither does yours. A child is a 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year job and just because he thinks he needs his beauty sleep he thinks that his job as a father doesn't carry over to night-time? Tell him to get over himself and start acting like a parent.

Katie - posted on 06/07/2011

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HAH! Just the other day my husband and I went out to the store and I looked him up and down and started crying.

We moved about 5 months ago and since the move he's lost 25 lbs, he had time to get a hair cut the other day (can you even imagine? Sitting still while someone over the age of 2 brushes your hair) his clothes are clean (because I wash them) and him and Otto (my son) look like little GQ models...Meanwhile I haven't had my hair cut in...well I can't remember, so that can't be a good sign. I have packed on 30 lbs of baby weight because this kids measuring in the 90th percentile for weight at 33 weeks...My nails are chewed the cuticles, I only have 2 articles of clothing that fit over my MASSIVE belly (the 2 items do not match of course.) I fear that people think I am on a day pass from a mental institution and my husband is a generous, do-gooder who has agreed to watch me.

As for the shower issue, I only have one, but can relate to the butt crack water collection game...Not a fun one on this end. My son likes to hide from the water under my belly and then giggle when I can't get a hold of him because the shower is too small for me to maneuver as I am the size of a full grown hippo.

If you have a fourth on the way and you aren't in jail for anything yet you are my hero. With number 2 on the way my sanity is already questionable.

sorry to the poster for highjacking your thread with a bit of a rant :)

Katie - posted on 06/07/2011

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lol shelly! That description drew a really awesome mental picture for me. I feel like that a lot of the time...Days old makeup, haven't washed my hair in 4 days. Add in the fact that I haven't shaved my legs in FOREVER because I am massively pregnant and have barely been able to see below my waist for months, and I am looking like a treat.
You aren't being unreasonable at all. they get lunch breaks, coffee breaks, weekends, a paycheck, vacation time....I could go on. Granted having little ones around is more valuable then all of those things but just because he's off the clock from his day job doesn't mean he gets to entirely shut down.

JuLeah - posted on 06/07/2011

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Raising the child is the job of the parents'. Is he a parent, or just a bread winner?
Many that work out side the home fail to understand what work it is to stay home.
That you were ill and he didn't get up to help is beyond rude. It is mean.
Father's don't pitch in. Father's don't baby sit once in a while.
They are fathers.
If you had a job outside the home, you would have two jobs. You would come home from where ever you earned money and cook, child care, clean .....
It would be assumed that you would do that, but for some reason (often the man) the one who works outside the home assumes no responciblity for life at home.
You are being disrespected.
Take a weekend off to visit family, or hang out with your friends and let him be the stay at home parent. He will learn.

[deleted account]

Yes, Rachael has a point. Ok so you tend to the baby in the night, but unless your hubby wants you to sleep in the same room with the child sure there are going to be some nights that your husband gets woken up. She is right that is rather ridiculous & expecting a lot. If his job is sooo super important that he must not be disturbed for any reason then maybe he needs to go sleep in another room of the house. he should have a a hint of compassion & at least offered (even if he didn't really mean it!) to sooth the child when you weren't feeling well.

[deleted account]

nope. your husband is being unreasonable. i understand that you should generally be up with your son at night since he isn't up all the time, but to expect you to get up so fast that he isnt disturbed is kind of ridiculous

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