What's wrong with your husband watching porn.....well let me tell you!!!

[deleted account] ( 68 moms have responded )

I've read quite a lot of post various women saying there is nothing wrong with men viewing porn, now everyone ofcourse has their own opinions and are completely entitled to that, but I'd like to share my own personal testimony and how porn and so much more has completely destroyed my marriage and why it is so important to know the consequences of porn for women, men as well as families.

In 2006 on my second wedding anniversary my husband confessed to me that he had been recieving oral sex from strange men in public toilets, this had happened 3 times within our marriage.
During the previous 6 months I'd been finding porn hidden all around the house, under the bed and various other places, and on the computer with video fotages as well.
After his confession there followed a whole load of other confessions, my husband had been addicted to porn since the age of 6 years, he'd been visiting toilets and being abused by older men since the age of 7 years old and been abused by friends of his family, he was addicted to masturbation (over 10 times a day), he led a continuous fantasy life and still does to some extent, he would seek sex from anyone and anything (even touched his family pet sexually), has an obsession with anal and other forms of sex and after about a year after his confession, he started abusing me sexually.

My husband hated himself and still does, his behaviour has destroyed him from the inside out because he has abused himself for 30 years now in so many ways, and along the line he has abused all the sexual partners his come into contact with but more than that he has completely destroyed me and the wonderful family we have with his lies, deception and putting me at risk medically because of the things he has been doing.
The last time he acted out against me sexually was 26th September 2011 and for me it was the last time.#I have stuck with him for 3 years 3months and after everything his done to me and our relationship, I've done all I can to remain in the marriage, but his addiction has now pushed me so far away from him that I want nothing to do with him and our marriage.
The hurt and pain his caused is beyound anything you could ever imagine, and all his issues started with harmless viewing of porn.

Most don't view porn just to seek out the women, it is actually covering up a whole heap of brokeness and hurt that their trying to cover up and their drug is sex and they just can't get enough of it.
Viewing porn normally goes hand in hand with masturbation, when that isn't enough they then move onto something more physical like paying for sex and various other things.
But the problem is it's never enough and they always need something harder to get their 'ultimate climax' and that's when it gets dangerous.
Once porn and sexually addiction gets a hold of someone, it's an unchain which can become unbreakable and they can never get rid of it.

I run a support group at www.healingheartsclub.co.uk which gives support to women who have been affected by their husbands sexual addiction and believe me, those women know the dangers of porn because just like me, their living out the consequences of it.
Every person viewing porn thinks it will not affect them and 'it's just a bit of fun' but when all you want and crave is porn.....that's where the fun stops and your problem starts.
This isn't just a problen for men either, many women suffer from sexual addiction for various reasons and the shame that comes along with it is awful and they find it even more difficult to seek help.

So please everyone, before you think that viewing porn is just 'something people do', remember what the consequences of it could be you, your partner and your children.
My whole family was changed on the day my husband told me all that he'd been doing behind my back, he still struggles with many things but for me, I can not support him in his struggles because I now have my own huge mountain of anger, hurt, pain and being sexually and emotionally abused by my husband to deal with.

My strength comes from my faith in Jesus Christ and that is the only way I have suvived the worst 3 years of my life.
I live to love him and protect my children from all this craziness and to protect their relationship with the their dad, but as far as my relationship with my husband.....well I'll let God deal with that, because I can not.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amanda - posted on 11/03/2011

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I fear for your daughters Caroline! I fear for them because their mother is teaching them its ok for men to abuse them. Their mother is also teaching them that they are only worth a man who cheats, and sexually assults their mother. I also fear for your children, because it is clear by your statements that your husband has ZERO self control, and now that you are no longer in the bed to be his little assult toy, he will need to find a new one. And yes if your husband is truely addicted to sex, he will find another assult toy. With such huge blinders you have on, you will never see if its one of your poor children who are choosen.

There are so many red flags going off in your posts, and it is not fair to your daugthers to have to grow up in a home like this. Its your job to protect your children first, and then yourself. Seems to me the only person you are trying to protect here is the abuser. Shame.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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Oh, and your husband finding his fathers porn at 6 did not make someone else molest him. We used to find porn and watch it, non of us masturbated ourselves to death, were molested, became sexual predators, nor did we seek sex in pulbic restrooms with strangers. Your husbands issues are unique to him, because of so many circumstances....not porn alone. It was him being molested that was the kick off to his addiction to sex.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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WHOA wait a minute here. I am sorry for the life that your husband has had, and how it has effected your marriage, but his molestation was not because HE watched porn at 6....and started seeking sex with strangers in toilets at 7...or continued the cycle. The porn was just an addition to the problem NOT the root of it. I highly recommend for the both of you to seek counceling seperately and together. Maybe not even to save the marriage at this point, but to understand what has happened to him. Your experience has led you to believe that porn was the cause, but in reality it is just a stimulant of his abused body and mind. Don't fool yourself to think it is any other way.

There are many women on here that have had terrible experiences with porn, addiction to it (their husbands) but there is always an underlying problem. The porn may be at the surface, but in reality, it is the tip of the iceberg.....the rest is below the surface which is 90% of the true problem. Good luck, and please seek professional help concerning this matter. You cannot deal with it alone.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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I also believe that family is worth fighting for. Sexual abuse and molestation is a deal-breaker for me... especially now that I have kids. I know first-hand how safeguards can and do fail. I never said it was easy to leave. I, personally, put my kid's safety before my desire to stay with a man... no matter how much I may love him. Your kids' safety is worth fighting for. Your kids' safety is worth leaving somebody you love, IMO. Please stop making excuses and really examine what's going on in your life right now.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/03/2011

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Caroline, a marriage like this is NOT worth fighting for. I may not have experiance the sexual abuse you have through your husband. But the mental and verbal abuse I went through with my first husband is enough to let me be able to say that this type of abuse is NOT sanctioned by the Church and God will definitely forgive you for ending this marriage and PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

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Christy - posted on 11/03/2011

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Well I agree with what you are saying about porn. However I think your husband, as you said, has an addiction to it that goes beyond what most would consider "the norm" (if there is such a thing). I hope you get out of this marriage soon for your sake, and your childrens' sake. He might act out on your kids and you don't want that. Good luck to you. I am so sorry you have to go through all this!!!!

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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I have every right to say what I said. You may not agree with it or believe it, but I have a right to say it. I believe it needed to be said, otherwise I wouldn't have said it.

And, yes, I will openly judge any person who chooses to keep their kids around known sexual predators, no matter the reasoning.

We are trying to help you. Why won't you see that?

[deleted account]

It's always difficult for people to understand that sexual addiction actually, I know because that's how I use to feel.
Carolee in my previous message I said that I felt you have no right to say what you say because you don't me, the kind of person I am and more importantly the kind of parent I am and your being very judgmental.

Yes there are people out there who have all kinds of addictions and do not take responsibility for their actions and choices, but don't so naive as to think that sexual addiction is simply a label to allow people to go out and do whatever thet want, when they want....because its not. what exactly would you call taking responsibility.....confessing and admitting to what you've done, seeking help and counselling for the issues you clearly know you have, risking loosing your whole family because of it, living with the shame of all the things you've done because everyone within your life knows what you've done...and no Carolee these are no excuses their simply what my husband has done and is living with plus the fact of the hurt, pain and damage his caused to me and my marriage.

Amanda what you say doesn't just go for sexual abusers as you state, it goes for all people who call themselves addicts.

My children most definitely do not have low self esteem and have a great relationship with their dad.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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You told me that I knew nothing about your life, therefore had no right to comment on it... something like that.

Amanda - posted on 11/03/2011

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Sexual Abusers only care about themselves, they will find every excuse in the book on why they behave in such a way. Ie porn, blaming the victum, blaming their past, CALLING IT A SEX ADDICTION (a new major excuse) One thing they will never do is take personal responsiblity!

Sexual abusers spend many years grooming their victums, and they do a very good job at it. The victum will spend most of their time finding excuses for their abuse, and never actually frocing their abuser to take personal responsiblity. Often when it is a father figure doing the sexual abuse, many of the people in the home are being abused, but since everyone is groomed so well no one speaks of it.

Daugthers who are raised by sexual abusers, tend to have very low selfsteems, date "bad boys", do not respect their own bodies, or others.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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And the anger starts...

A lot of us have been through this.

You were the one who posted these aspects of your life online. We are attempting to give advice based on the information given to us.

[deleted account]

Yes I do.....because we have a family which is worth fighting for, my marriage is worth fighting for and I am able to put boundaries in place to help us...like having different rooms within our home and making sure that friends and family know the situation so that I can never become isolated and he never thinks he is keeping this a secret, if the marriage is meant to end, I will know when that time is and I will do what it necessary. I believe in forgiveness and giving people the opportunity to sort things out if possible because unfortunately it's not so black and white....it's easy for people to say just leave isn't it, if my family isn't worth fighting for then exactly what is???
Yes things will be hard for a long time to come but I believe that it will be worth it, and walking away isn't always the answer.....when I've reached my limit and IF the time to leave comes then it will come....if you want to judge that decision go ahead and do so.

[deleted account]

Trust me Carolee.....in no way do I think I have everything under control, I wish I did, that would great and make my life a lot easier, but that's just not the case. The situation I'm in is not easy to understand and people have lots of different opinions on it, and it is certainly not something I can control even if I wanted to because I do not control my husband and the choices he makes. I can only control myself and the choices I make based on my current circumstances. Some people understand that some people don't but I don't want people making out I meant one thing when in reality I meant another, that's why I'm trying to make my point of view clear, whether others agree with it or not, hopefully I have.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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When you think you have everything under control, that's exactly when you don't.

[deleted account]

but it's difficult for you to give advise on something you've never been through...." and I stand by that statement because I don't think someone can completely understand something if they've never experienced it....when you've actually been through something your better placed to really know that sitaution, I know that talking to other women who have husbands in the same boat as mine has been more helpful to me that talking those who do not have husbands in that situation.

The "nobody knows what I'm going through because they don't know MY husband" mentality.....this isn't a mentality to me Carolee, there are people around me who know my husband and his issues and know when his being false because he will do something then go around as though nothings happened, but our close friends and family can see through all that and are not shy about putting him straight and making him face up to what his done whether he likes it or....its up to him whether he changes his actions and behaviours, behaviours he knows lead him to do the wrong things.

[deleted account]

Yes Marina, I do see what your saying but I just don't agree because my personal experience has shown me different.....by personal experience I mean what I have been through within my life and what experiences others I know have been through. Yes not everyone who watches porn is turned in a sexual deviant but there are those who are, and I believe that porn plays a huge factor in that along with other things....that's just how I see it!!!

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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"but it's difficult for you to give advise on something you've never been through...." - Caroline
------------------------
I saw this as making an assumption that we "shouldn't" give advice because you didn't think we'd been through anything like you have.

Someone doesn't have to actually have been through what you've been through for them to be able to give good advice. I've gotten plenty of good advice from people who have never been abused in any way.

And that's a sign of being abused. The "nobody knows what I'm going through because they don't know MY husband" mentality.

[deleted account]

Carolee...I don't know why you feel I'd think your opinion wasn't valid but hopefully I've explained my opinions in better detail, in a better way and in a way which shows you I do not think that anyone's opinion is not valid.... sounds like you've been to hell and back a thousand times over, I can only imagine how you've felt and how you have survived all those circumstances....I can never fully understand because I have not been through all those circumstances you've had to endure.....that's what I was trying to say, you would be better placed to give someone going through that same circumstance help and advices much better than I ever could, because you've lived it and you've survived it. That is a heart breaking testimony and NO ONE should ever have to suffer through the things you have. The fact that you haven't blamed all men for what happened to you is a testiment to your character but I have friends who have been through similar situations who DO blame men and have a lot of issues in maintaining relationships because of the hell they've been thorugh. Ofcourse my husband has choices, and most of his life his made the wrong choices, having any form of addiction doesn't change that in any way, shape or form. But his viewing of porn hasn't helped him in any way either, it's made matters worse and has definitely contributed to his life spiralling out of control, as I did say before it is porn and other factors which has led to this.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/03/2011

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Carolee and Marina, I'm sorry to hear you all went through that. I don't know what else to add.

I don't know how valid my opinion would be to the OP since I was only verbally and mentally abused by my ex husband who would allow our roommate to curse at me and verbally assualt me in front of him. I was only groped at once by the grandson of a woman I used to take care of, but I was 25 at the time and took care of him myself.

I wouldn't dream of trying to protect my child's relationship with a possible sexually abusive parent. After my grandparents found out what my mom's uncle had been doing they supervised every single visit with that uncle and no one attended his funeral. I don't limit my older daughter's visits with her father, we live on other sides of the continent in different countries and he does a find job of eliminating himself from our daughter on his own.

As these other two ladies have been saying, it's not the porn. My dad has probably watched porn when he was younger and it hasn't turned him into a sexual deviant.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/03/2011

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Sorry for what you are going thru, but like everyone else said its not the porn....NOPE
And Marina you took all the good words ;-p LOL

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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The point is, porn has nothing to do with how people act....it is the way people choose to act. It does not matter if porn is involved or not. There are sick people out there....porn is not needed to commit vile acts against someone. If a person is prone to rape, they are going to....not because they watched a porn....if someone is going to murder another person, just because they watched Friday the 13th doesn't make them do it....do you see what I am saying?

[deleted account]

Marina...I do not for a second think that your opinion is not valid and I never said that, I said that they are very different from my own. What you experienced is awful and should never have happened, and you did what you felt you had to do in the situation you were forced into by this idiot, and I can only imagine how terrible that was for you, I haven't been through that situation so it's difficult for me to comment a great deal on it but I know I feel terrible that anyone has had to go through it. I have felt violated and it is one of the worst feelings to have to experience and for you in that situation you must have feared for your life.....I am lucky that I haven't been in position which I have felt that my life was actually in danger.
As for your sister and her husband, it's a hard one because you can never really know what goes on behind closed doors especially when it comes to other people's relationships. Even when I talk to my family about what happens in my relationship it's always MY side and MY opinion, so I've always told my family that if they want to know my husbands version then they should go get it straight from his mouth....which thankfully they do and that has made him feel comfortable with them because their his family as much as mine, and they get to hear both sides even though at times that infuriates me because I disagree with what his saying.
You say neither of them watch porn but how do you know this for definite....I only say that because as I said, you never know what goes on behind closed doors in peoples relationships. Yes from what you said your right....sounds like that is not a healthy relationship at all for either of them and you may be right in the fact that she should leave him but again only she can make that decision as only she knows the full in's and out's of her relationship, he sounds like he has HUGE issues which he needs a lot of help with if his selling himself online.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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But I've been able to accept my past. I don't blame all men for what happened to me, just like I don't think you should blame porn. HE chooses what he does!!!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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WOWZA Carolee, so sorry. Makes me teary to hear that.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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It's not the porn. I've been through all that, watched porn, and have not mysteriously become a sexual deviant.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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And a little background on me so you know my opinion is "valid"... I've been raped, molested, threatened, beaten, and more than one person has tried to kill me. All this has happened from the time I was 3 years old until I finally had gotten the backbone to stand up for myself at 25. Multiple people did these things... some of them family, some boyfriends, some friends. I know what abuse looks like.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/03/2011

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Trust me, it's not the porn. My mom and her sisters were molested by an uncle and as far as I know there was no porn involved because it wasn't as readily available in the 50's and 60's. Oh and my mom and her sisters never felt the need to molest anyone.

You need to divorce your husband, get an order of protection and get you and the kids far away from him during all this and document everything.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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Carolee, so sorry for your experience. How awful. It is jaw dropping how many children are molested. My heart breaks.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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If you have separate rooms, and you sleep, how do you KNOW that he is not sneaking into your kids' rooms and molesting them at night? I had to live with my molestor for a while. I lived in fear. I couldn't sleep. There are ways that they keep their victims silent, no matter if you think they'd come to you or not.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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You are right, I have no idea the emotional state you are in. I know what I would do if I was in your shoes.....and that would be to high tale it out of there. Physical and emotional abuse in any relationships is not ok. That is not love, and it does not help anyone by staying together in my honest opinion....especially when people say they stay together for the kids...who usually gets hurt the most??? The kids.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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Ok....so maybe this will make you think my opinions are more valid??? I don't know...what the hell, I will give it a shot.



I was abused....or raped...I don't even know what it would be. I was on a date with a guy, and we were kissing. It was a first date, and that is all I wanted was a kiss...I tried to leave, and he would not let me out of his car. He started taking me by the back of my neck and forcing my head down. I gave him oral, cause I felt my life was in danger, and I would have rather I gave him oral, than have him rape me....



My sister is having VERY similiar issues with her husband,...but also very different. I am actually part of all of that too. i tell her to leave constantly, but they are both completely insane. She cheats, he cheats....he sells himself online or used to on craigslist...very messed up....he does crazy things that would make your head literally spin. Guess what, NEITHER of them watch porn. Just wanted to give you an even more different perspective.



*edited to add* the scariest part of my experience? I could see my house from where I was.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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Porn is secondary to the primary problems. The primary problems are him being molested, seeking affection from strangers by copulating, and sexually abusing you.

[deleted account]

sorry not to be clear...you said that I am making a huge assumptions about EVERYONE who watches porn and felt you were doing the same.
I have no problem what so ever in people responding otherwise I wouldn't have put it up in a blog, everyone has their own views and opinions which are different and its good to hear so many different perspective even if you don't agree with it. As I state before I already have a support group which I run and all the members are experiencing different issues and have different opinions because of their own experiences.
You stated that I will not even start my healing until I leave him and that you fear for my children, if this was still a hidden secret and I had no knowledge of it then yes maybe my children would be in danger because I wouldn't be able to protect them, but that's not the case at all. As a Mother I ofcourse will protect them and keep them safe, any mother would. My husband and I live in the same home, he has his room I have mine, but we are still able to parent our children. Close friends and family members are completely aware of his issues and I have no problem in getting support from them about this matter and if my children were in danger and felt they couldn't talk to me, which I hope would not be the case, then they are surrounded by people who they trust and who love them and will always be available to them.
I appriciate your comments even though our views differ in so many many ways....as I said it's always good to know people's views on anything but it is difficult for people to truly understand something unless they've been through it....that's all I was stating.e.g it is easier for a man/woman who has been in a physically abusive relationship to understand another man/woman who is going through the same thing, that's the point I was making, not that I don't want people to respond to my posts.

Sherri - posted on 11/03/2011

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I agree with the other responses porn is not even an issue here nor is it the route of any of his problems, it is everything else he went through that is the problem.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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Everybody has a choice. He chooses to do whatever he wants and blame porn because it's a convenient "evil". You choose to deny what's really the issue and blame porn because it's a convenient "evil".

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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Because, if I think I understand what you are telling me, I am going to go seek sex in the public bathroom, or fuck the delivery boy, give a blow job to a man on a pool table in a bar, or get pulled over by a cop, show him my boobs and screw him to get out of a ticket? Cause these are all scenerios from various porns that I have watched, since I watch them I must go out and do them....right?????????

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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*bashes head against keyboard*

Wow... okay. I think the blog was a good idea, Marina.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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@ Caroline "Marina... you can't say really say that because you don't know my husband and the things he does and where it all comes from.....because then your doing exactly what your acusing me of doing which is"

I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Please elaborate on "exactly what I am doing"

[deleted account]

Marina... you can't say really say that because you don't know my husband and the things he does and where it all comes from.....because then your doing exactly what your acusing me of doing which is...believe me my husband watches ALL types of porn, it started as softcore and got harder and harder, his watched and done it all, he doesn't have a preference, he just loves what he gets from watching it and he only gets it from doing something, anything sexual. the reason he thinks about it is because his head is full of all the videos and magazines his seen, and the yerning to do what he sees overwhelmes him so he tries it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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Caroline "Marina I am not in denial....but it's difficult for you to give advise on something you've never been through"

If you don't think anyone else can offer any perspective about your experience and what you and your family are going through, WHY would you post this in a forum where we talk to eachother? Just do a blog or a diary that you can post on line somewhere...not in a forum where people TALK. If you don't want people responding that is.

And, yes, this is a huge deal, and yes he is abusing you on so many levels that you cannot even see them....including brainwashing. I feel for you, I do....but you will not even START your healing until you leave this man....or at least separate yourself from this abuse. I fear so much for your children also.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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First of all, he's sexually abusing you. That means he may be doing it to your kids. GET OUT.

Second, you know nothing about who you're talking to online, therefore know nothing about what we have or haven't gone through. Assuming that you're the only one who's gone through something like this is very naive.

Third... you don't really seem to want to listen to the advice we give. And just because somebody may or may not have been through the same exact circumstances as you doesn't make their opinion or advice any less valid.

[deleted account]

I have had plenty of counselling but unfortunately there are no counsellors who have been through what I have and find it difficult to understand where I'm coming from, just as you do. I am healthy and I don't think that you can make an assumption that I'm not. When someone has hurt and betrayed you in any way, whoever it may be, ofcourse you will be angry and hurt, and that is something that takes time to heal from.

[deleted account]

Marina I am not in denial....but it's difficult for you to give advise on something you've never been through....to me waking up and finding my husband touching me and himself for his own please is sexually abuse even if you do not think that it is. you have not experienced and walked in my shoes. My testimony is simply there to show people who think that porn is harmless that it is not harmless, that there ARE people out, and I'm not the only one, who suffer because of their partners use of it. when a woman finds out that her husband has been viewing porn secretly and buying it for many years behind her back, that is not harmless, that is something which damages a relationship and the woman.

[deleted account]

Kate...at no point did i say sex is dirty and evil, making love within a loving relationship is far from dirty or evil, i wouldn't recommend sleeping around with every tom, dick or harry for obvious dangers it brings. unfortunately there are people in this world who abuse others - children and adults!!!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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Also, you clearly stated you were sexually abused "now have my own huge mountain of anger, hurt, pain and being sexually and emotionally abused by my husband to deal with."

I am trying to show you support and help. If you are going to be in this much hardcore denial, you don't need a site like this....you really need to seek counseling to sort out your feelings and get healthy.

Carolee - posted on 11/03/2011

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His obsession didn't come from porn! He had the obsession, the porn just gave him a visual. It didn't put any thoughts into his head.

And, as a formerly abused woman myself, I have to say that YOU are the one coming across as naive (at least to me).

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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*head to desk* you keep telling yourself that he would only want these things BECAUSE he watched porn. Nope. So not true. Let me tell you the truth behind it.....he thinks of things, masturbates about the thought, then conveniently finds that type of porn to watch and visually carry out his fantasy. You are really glossing over the fact that your husband is hand picking the type of porn he wants to watch. I don't like gang bang porn, I don't watch it. I find porn that I like to help stimulate....not watch ALL types of porn. There is a HUGE difference, it is all about sexual preference....not what porn MAKES you do.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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Also, I am guessing you think masterbating is wrong due to this statement you made "Viewing porn normally goes hand in hand with masturbation,"

I masturbate with or without porn. Porn does not make me do it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/03/2011

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You are making a very large blanket statement about EVERYONE who has EVER watch porn is naive. Nope. It is all about life experiences.

You should not simply pass jusdgement on someone elses decisions because your life experiences have taught you...for YOU that is not the right thing. See what I mean????

[deleted account]

Marina i am not playing a blame game here but porn as well as other factors have contributed to making my husband do the things he does. All the sexual acts his attempted on me & actually done with others came from viewing porn, he wayched it then cause it turned him on he tried on & became obsessrd with it!

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Probably due my experience of it and i find no enjoyment what so evet from watching strangers have sex, thats not my idea of a cosy night in. My husband hadn't raped me ever....sorry if i gave that impression. by sexual abuse i meant times when i have woken up to find him touching me and masturbating next to me in bed while i sleep & attempting anal sex, so don't worry i don't need to go to a shelter or anything like that. i think people must not be so naive in thinking porn is harmless because from experience it is not.

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