what should a man do

James - posted on 09/08/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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not sure if you ladies will even respond to my post.. but i'm not a mom.. i'm a dad.. and i'm really going through a horrible time with my son's mother first and foremost i would like to ask the question WHY?? does the custody automatically go to the mother of the child.. its not fair.. she did not make the child on her own.. and if the father is a good man and role model for his child he should be granted the opportunity to raise the child aswell... its just not fair... Now i can understand the first few precious years of the babies life.. they need that maternal nurturing from a mother.. Something us men rarely possess.. i feel i do possess those traits but if his mother does aswell then by all means do your duty and love him up.. but when is it my time.. to instill in him the aspects of life that only a man can teach him.. not saying a woman can't but just like the whole nurturing thing.. if the father is present and capable of doing his duty then why not allow him to.. and my big problem is that my son's mother is dating a guy that been locked up in the state pen for over a decade.. and due to be released in 296 days.. i know the exact date bc she post them on facebook everyday counting down to his release.. now first of lets be clear.. i dont agree with her choice but that's her life.. but don't experiment with my son... this risky gamble should only be taken with her solely alone first. to see how this gentleman cops with society, how his temperament is, and to see if he will be able to function outside the walls.. No one knows just what he was involved in inside prison.. and i'm not willing to take the chance and just hope that he's a standup guy.. and further more she has taken my son up to the prison on several occassions to visit this man without my consent.. it has drove me up the wall.. i insisted that she cease doing that immediately and she says that she has but truthfully with me living two states away.. i'm not sure what she is doing.. i'm getting myself prepared to move but its not as easy as to pack up and move like when i was 20 years old.. i'm married with another child now.. but my main priority is my only son.. i need help, advise, a shoulder.. i'm in eternal pain.. this hurts my heart in so many ways that i can't even explain it..

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Dove - posted on 09/08/2012

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If she was never awarded custody that means you haven't gone to court... correct? Then why are you complaining about her having custody? Go to court and make sure your rights to a relationship with your child are granted and respected. Court doesn't automatically grant custody to the mother. MOST courts like to go with 50/50 custody whenever possible. Though I will say.... since he has been living with his mother all this time and you live two states away.. joint custody doesn't seem likely since it's completely impractical at this point. Get to a point where you can move closer to your son and then go to court. Otherwise she will continue to be able to call the shots.

Lacye - posted on 09/08/2012

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Do you get visitation of your son? I hope you realize that if she ever let him go visit you, you technically would not have to give him back because the two of you were not married at the time and there is no custody agreement. Neither one of you have custody as of right now. Do you pay her child support through DHS? If you do then that would look better on you if you took her to court. I hope everything works out for you because my husband is also going through something like this except his ex will not allow him to see his other daughter at all and will not allow us to have her alone because she knows we can bring her back here (which is 3 and a half hours away from where she lives) and could file for custody here and there would be nothing she could do about it.



ETA: My parents were never married either and my dad ended up with custody of my sister and I after Daddy brought us to Arkansas to visit him.

James - posted on 09/08/2012

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i pray he is reform.. although i think that the trail period should not include my son.. i hope for everyones sake that this works out.. i'm not sure i can sit back and wait on the law if something happens to him or he tells me that this dude has been doing something to him.. like beaten him.. sexual abuse.. etc... i just can't imagine the outcome..

James - posted on 09/08/2012

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thx for your advice.. she was never awarded custody.. we were never married

but i will try to move closer.. bc she at one point said to my son and me that she would allow him to move to atlanta with me.. but later towards the end she recanted on that.. and hurt both him and me..

Vicki - posted on 09/08/2012

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I'm not sure why custody got awarded to your ex wife but from my personal experience custody gets awareded when the man doesnt show up or fight for it. Is is possible that you hire a lawyer and maybe work out joint custody? I understand your concern with your ex bringing your son to the prison, I personally would not like this either. Is it possible to move so you can be closer to your son and have more of a hand in raising him?



Vicki

Rebecca - posted on 09/08/2012

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I think its great that you want to be an active Dad unfortunately there are alot of women that wont let the Dad be involved good or bad my brother was in a similar situation and for years was reporting to social services that the men the Mom was living with were abusive but nothing was ever done until others started reporting the abuse as well moving closer will help at least you will be around and will be able to be there if something happens with the other guy although I truly hope for your son that this guy is reformed good luck

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