what should i do

Felicia - posted on 01/30/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Well this is a confusing question and i hope someone understands. When i was 16 i was dating a guy who had to leave to go home to bury his gma when he was away my ex paid a visit and anyways 5months later i found out i was pregnant. My boyfriend at the time was told it wasnt his and explained what happened, before i could talk to the bio he ran into me at the mall and told me he knew i was pregnant and knew it was his but he had gotten another girl knocked up also and that he didnt know what he was gonna do. Well i told my boyfriend what he had said and me and him decided to call him to see if he was going to step up we got cussed out and in front of the new girl said i was a lair. So my then boyfriend told me that he loved me and that he will gladly be my husband and raise him as his own. We got married and he put his name on birth certificate. Well i got pregnant with 2nd son and my husband decided he didnt want to be a dad anymore an left me . He paid child support for my two boys i told him i didnt want him to with the first cause it wasnt fair to him and he didnt care. 16 years later he decided to get a dna test though the court to prove he wasnt the father so now he doesnt pay anymore.I contacted the bio and said he needs to step up now after 16years or i will contact child support enforcement but he said he didnt want to do that that he wanted to settle this without them . The question is should i do it his way or do it though child support!?

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Michelle - posted on 01/30/2016

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We are giving you advice on other things to do. Sometimes it's better to get other options other than just ones you have thought about.
You should always go the legal route, verbal agreements aren't worth it at all.
Get yourself a lawyer and discuss it with them. They will know the laws in your area and what the outcome would likely be.

Jodi - posted on 01/30/2016

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I think, given you made a decision 16 years ago to do what you did, it would be morally wrong to now go after child support from this man, However, I guess, legally you can still do it, so knock yourself out. Personally I wouldn't. Actions - consequences and all that.

Perhaps your 16 year old should just get a part-time job to pay for some of those little things to support him. It's a great way for them to learn a little about real life and exhibit a small amount of independence. My son has been working since he was 15 and paid for things such as his clothes, his own time with friends (eg. movies, other entertainment), etc. It has taught him to manage money in a way having it all handed to him can't.

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Jodi - posted on 01/30/2016

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"what would u have done for your child if u had no where to turn and parents wanted nothing to do with u but to marry u off "

I would have at least claimed child support from the biological father, and I wouldn't have lied on the birth certificate. You can't suddenly turn around now and feel so strongly that he shouldn't "get away with it". The fact is, he HAS gotten away with it because you made a choice.

"i just don't want him to get away with being a messed up person and ignoring his responsibility"

You've let him get away with it for 16 years. It isn't your job now to do this for the purpose of changing him into a person who steps up to his responsibility.

As I said earlier, by all means, it's your right to go through the legal channels, but really? After 16 years you want him to step up?

You can't complain that you tried to get him to do the right thing years ago if you put some other person on the birth certificate and chose not to file for child support. You actually really do only have yourself to blame that it has gone on for so long. You are not a victim here. Stop acting like one.

However, if the biological father is willing to help, then by all means, I don't see an issue.

Felicia - posted on 01/30/2016

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its funny how people want to pass judgement all asked was if i should go his way or mine i understand what i did was legally wrong but tell me at age 16 and still a child doing stupid things and it all happened so fast what would u have done for your child if u had no where to turn and parents wanted nothing to do with u but to marry u off its not like i didn't do my best to make things right but im not the only one at fault it takes 2 i just don't want him to get away with being a messed up person and ignoring his responsibility thinking i should just give up my son does work but that doesn't mean his bio should not help now since they r now willing to do something after all these years

Felicia - posted on 01/30/2016

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i tried to get him to do the right thing years ago and he refused even later on i tired he didnt want nothing to do with us

Felicia - posted on 01/30/2016

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my son knows everything i never hid anything i was 16 and scared then so i did what i needed to for my son

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2016

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I would do what Jodi said. You son can get a job to help with what he wants.
Don't worry about getting CS from the bio Father, there's only another 2 years of it anyway.
Your husband that had been paying for 16 years could probably get the money from the Bio Dad but you won't be getting anything.
You should also get your son's birth certificate changed to reflect the truth.

Sarah - posted on 01/30/2016

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Do you realize you could be on the hook for the child support payments made for all of those years to a child that was not his? You flat out admit you committed a crime. You expect 16 years of back child support when you were the one who lied? You need a lawyer, and a good one. You made many bad choices. Why? Why were you so easily swayed t lie about the paternity. 16 years ago your current BF could have parented and loved your child, while the bio-dad co-parented and paid support. You've made a mess.

Dove - posted on 01/30/2016

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You committed fraud 16 years ago by falsifying a birth certificate. You absolutely should have done the right thing 16 years ago and had both men do a DNA test prior to filling out the birth certificate and then gone to court for custody, visitation, and child support w/ the bio father.

I honestly do not think you should go after the bio father for money after all this time... even though he would be legally (once paternity is proven) and morally obligated to support his son. I'm not sure how severe the legal fall out for you would be for forging legal documents 16 years ago, but it is time to sort everything out...

Does your son at least know the truth?

You should talk to a lawyer as soon as possible and figure out the best way to go about all of this.

Felicia - posted on 01/30/2016

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The wife emailed me and said this was her fault and should have taken care of this along time ago but didnt know how to accept it !

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