What should I do, my boyfriends mother wants my 1 mth. old baby to sleepover?

Kathy - posted on 01/18/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Im an 18 yr old mother of a 4wk little girl, the father and I are together but I live with my parents and he lives with his. My problem is his Mom, we've always gotten along but since I became pregnant she has been so controling. In the begining it was choosing a name and she made it very difficult with our choices,she hated everything we liked, we finally agreed apon a name 1 wk before she was born. She was in the delievery room with me and now demands to see my baby 2-3 times a week..ALONE. At 5 days old she insisted she have her for the day and calls me every other day to pick her up. My boyfriend is at my house alot and she wants to drop him off and take our baby with her. I also visit his house but she creates ways for us to leave so that she can have "alone" time with my baby. The last time I left her alone his mother put cake icing on her soother, refused to use sterilized water and then popped the bottle in the microwave! She wasn't even a month old! Now she wants over night visits. She said she believes the baby should spend equal time at her house. I have told her I would bring her for weekly visits and she could babysit when needed but thats not good enough.My boyfriend understands how I feel but is siding with his Mom and Im afraid we might break up over it! I just think she is too young for this yet and would like to wait a few more months but she is very persistant and is making my first few weeks of motherhood very stressful. I"m so afraid to stand up to her.Some advice please :(

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Tina - posted on 01/19/2012

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I wasn't even comfortable leaving my daughter what so ever at age. Just after my daughter was born my MIL wanted to take her for a day or so. I also had a one year old son. She thought I might want a break. There's more to it than that but I wont get into it. My partner said simply that I wasn't comfortable being away from her and I wasn't. Your partner needs to back you up. This is your child not hers. She is being controlling. You just need to be honest with your partner about how you feel. And he needs to politely say to his mum that this is his and your child. She is the grandmother. You'd like her to be an active part of your childs life as a grandmother and not the mother. I know it's hard but you both have to put your foot down otherwise it's only going to get worse before it gets better. Like down the track undermining every decision you make like how you disipline your child and so on. Could be a little bit of jealousy too because you live with your parents. Could your partner move in with you?

Tina - posted on 01/19/2012

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That's the main thing no matter what happens that your daughter is your number one priority. Stick to your guns. If you were confident that her dad was the one watching her that would be one thing. But you know that's not the case. Your MIL needs to back off. Your partner need to act like the grown man he is and stop letting his mother dictate everything and stop putting pressure on your relationship. His priority should be the baby not his mum. It's not fair on you or your baby. If your stressed out she will pick up on that as I've found with my kids. I hope things get better for you.

Kellie - posted on 01/19/2012

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She is not the mother you are. She is not entitled to anything regarding your daughter. You need to remind her your daughter is your daughter and NOT her daughter.



Frankly I'd tell her to fuck off.



I had to remind my MIL numerous times after my daughter was born that I was the Mummy and not her. She's got the idea now I think. Not to mention over my dead body would she be having my child unsupervised for that amount of time at that age EAPECIALLY after putting cake mix on her dummy wtf?! My MIL is an alcoholic so its going to be a long time before she looks after my daughter again anyway, not after last time.

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Kathy - posted on 01/19/2012

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Since my baby was born over the Christmas holidays, my parents have allowed him to stay over as much as he wanted to help me with the nightly feedings( although he is a very heavy sleeper and has had a hard time getting up). Now that he is back in school, he is staying on the weekends. He now told me he wants the baby (I think it was he's mom) to stay over on Monday night coming up. They all work or are in school during the week so I really dont understand this(?) He has a crib in his room but no baby monitor if he dosent wake up. I dont know, all I want is for them to be patient, I will allow sleepovers and lots of visits, just not while shes so young. They will have a whole lifetime, can they not wait a couple of months??

Im not afraid of his mom but I am afraid of the influence she has on him. Im worried that this could really affect our relationship. I will always choose my daughter tho, she will always be my priority, I just hope it doesnt come to that.

Ianina - posted on 01/19/2012

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i didn't left my twins overnight at my parents house until they were about 5 month old and only because I had a wedding.

There is no way I'd take a baby THAT young out of the house that often.

Tell her that she is YOUR daughter and if she doesn't like it, to go F herself

Kathy - posted on 01/18/2012

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Thanks for responding Niki, She has taken her 2 or 3 x aweek since she was 5 days old. Last saturday she had her from 4 til midnight and on monday I brought my daughter over to visit. She insisted that me and the baby's father go to his room and watch a movie so that she could have her alone time. This is when she gave her cake icing.

As for her visiting my mom's house, there is no problem with that and has always been welcome there but she feelsthe baby should have equal time at her house.I am going to make an appt. to talk to my family dr. as soon as possible to discuss it. We also have a public heath nurse that checks up on new moms and told me I could call her if I had any questions, so I might do that too. I feel that my MIL will not respect my wishes, sterilized bottles, microwaving playtex drop ins ect. my poor baby had a tummy ache on monday night when I brought her home.

Niki - posted on 01/18/2012

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also this came to my mind, my medical doctor didnt want me traveling in and out of the house alot wit hthe baby until at or around six weeks old!

Niki - posted on 01/18/2012

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meaning can your MIL(mother in law) visit you at your parents house and hold the baby?

Niki - posted on 01/18/2012

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you are the mother and parting from your child is hard..can she just visit for a couple hours?

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