What should I do with my Baby Daddy???

Alysha - posted on 08/15/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My ex just recently moved back into his folks' place and had been bugging me for days to see his daughter for the 1st time. I agreed for him to meet her, under one condition, that he and I meet up and talk before hand. We planned on meeting one day, then we didn't bc my daughter wasn't feeling good. The next time we were suppose to meet up, he doesn't tell me that he already had plans with his folks to go help a family friend move and that he had already left his house, but I was already at his house and I could see him inside. So I left. Then finally the day we finally did meet up, he claimed he over slept, didn't hear his alarm, didn't get any of my text messages and we ended up meeting some place else an hour after we were suppose to.
The very next day I pick him up with my daughter in the backseat and head off to the zoo. We spend the whole day together, and before dropping him off, we go to the store and buys her a lil fishy, that she LOVES! So when he gives her a kiss goodbye, he tells her that he loves her, will talk to her soon and see her real soon.
The next day we were suppose to meet up again for his birthday, but no one would answer their phones and till this day have not heard a word from anyone on that side of the family.
I put out there on Facebook that I was mad at him and asked him how he could do this to his 2 year old daughter who cries everynight for her daddy. To see her daddy and talk to him on the phone again. I told him that if he wants to see her again he'll have to prove to me that he can be trusted.

He and I have had our issues before and trust issues, but I've chosen to clean the slate so he can have a relationship with his child. But I don't want to be the one to push him into having that relationship. I just wonder if I made the right decision in allowing him to see her?
I have a feeling that if I don't let him or his family to see her anymore, that things are going to get nasty and things will be brought into court and the only person that's going to get hurt is my daughter.
Which I know if things are brought to court that way things can be settled and either he'll get visitation or none at all. Which I know for a fact, if it goes to court, he won't be getting custody or his rights back. I refuse to have to ask him permission to take my daughter on the road with me for when I travel around the USA and also to different countries.

What do you all think? Am I doing the right thing? Or am I being stupid?

6 Comments

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Alysha - posted on 08/17/2012

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There has been some trust issues between he and I, he's cheated on me several different times, has lied about where he's living and his phone keeps being shut off and or the number being changed and I'll be the last person to know about it.
He does pay child support (when he has a job) And the court is making him pay not only the back child support, but also all of the doctor visits too while I was pregnant and for every visit that was made for my daughter.
And because there was a period of months where there wouldn't be a phone call or text from him I don't think that he'll get his rights back and possibly not his visitations (at least not what he wants, every Wednesday and every weekend. Which wont happen.)
I know I should be happy and pleased with him seeing her, but at the same time, I regret it because I get to see the hurt that she's having now, now that she's not seeing her dad, talking to her dad or any of that.
I told him that I'm not going to make him have a relationship with his daughter. That if he wants it, he will have to be the one seeking it out and making an effort to be there for her. So far, he'll show it once in a while for a month, then disappear for months. So, I feel as if he does have visitations and continues this pattern, that the only person that's going to get hurt is my little girl.

Lacye - posted on 08/16/2012

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You did the right thing by allowing him the chance to meet his daughter. But if he takes you to court, he will get visitation but the court will also force him to start paying child support and he will have to pay back child support for the past 2 years. He is being an ass about this whole thing, no doubt about that, but in the end it might just be better to go ahead and get everything done through the court system.

September - posted on 08/16/2012

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Personally I think you've done the right thing by letting your daughter meet her father. I think that you should do all that you can to build the relationship between the two. Even if that means calling him every day until he answers. If he's not abusive and not a drug addict then it would be great for your daughter to be a part of her father's life. I wonder what is keeping him for her. Maybe there is something going on that you're not aware of. Whatever the case I wish you all the best! Good luck.

Dove - posted on 08/16/2012

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Fine, but I've been there and he WILL get visitation if he actually shows up to court unless he is proven to be abusive or a proven drug abuser... in which case he would get supervised visits.

Alysha - posted on 08/16/2012

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Dove,
He's only seen her 1 time in the past 2 years. He'll call once a week or a month, than vanish for 2 months.
He's lied about what he's doing, where he's working (if he's working) and where he's living. I don't see him getting visitations, supervised or not bc he's fought with me over everything, he's fought with me about her daycare and about court. Which he has failed to show up to court 2 times so he could get visitations.
I don't think he'll ever get his rights or visitations back.

Dove - posted on 08/15/2012

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If he takes you to court... he will get visitation. Depending on whatever evidence you may or may not have against him... he might get supervised visitations, but he WILL get visitation. I think it is smart of you to continue to allow him to see her as is.. especially if he's not fighting about taking her alone. I wouldn't push him to see her though. As long as he knows how to contact you I'd let it be. Let him know that he needs to either set up consistent visitations and stick with it or he must give you notice (48 or more hours) to set up a random visitation. Definitely continue to let him see her, but he can't be jerking you around at the last minute. Even the courts won't allow that. They go by scheduled visitations (which he is welcome to take or miss) or giving enough notice to work out alternate arrangements.

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