What should my baby call my dad's girlfriend

Lara - posted on 12/25/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I will try to make this as short as possible.

I agm 40. My mother battled cancer for many years before she lost the battle. My parents were married for more then 30 years. When I got engaged to my hubby, he decided that he wanted someone at his side and started dating. He met her, started dating. We were all happy for him. Then she wanted to meet us fine, great only problem was she wanted to go to lunch on mothers day and we weren't up to it. It's mothers day we missed our mom so much, that we use that day for reflection.
She took it so personal, made it all about her. (she does not have childern). We hadn't even met her and she was causing trouble.
Then we meet her and that's when it started. Nice to our faces dad would come drive her home and come back to give us crap, every mother fken time. And yet he claimed that he liked.
So the day came for my bridle shower, I thanked my great aunts for all the baking they did, and my bridesmaids for all the running around they did, all the cooking and decorating. (and they cooked and baked for 75people). Well this was not good enough for her, she started ranting and raving about how this was her opportunity and that I'm so rude and who did I think I was etc.
I was so embarrassed. It was my day. It was my shower not hers. She had her shower when she got married to her husband. Needless to say my dad gave me crap because I didn't thank her for putting flowers on the 5 table in the backyard.
The day of my wedding ding don't forgot where she put her damn purses told my dad that I threw her purses out. He caused a scene in a house full of people and went as far as to push my 70 something year old great aunt out of the way yelling and screaming. I had to walk away from taking pictures to look for her dam purses and found them in my mother's night table in under 30 seconds. Needless to say, I took my dad aside and showed him where she put them and told him this is hard enough without my mom but if they can't behave in have more than enough relatives to walk me down the Isle.
First thanksgiving. She had a problem. Who cares what it was. She ruined that memory. I've managed to block it out.
My first Christmas with hubby was smeared my her jealousy of a dead woman. My mother. She hates that we have pictures hanging on the wall and that she can't handle seeing her. Please keep in mind that my dad is a widower not a divorcee.
The following year my dad broke his back in a fall. I set up his homecare and physio, she canceled everything. I confronted her about it and I got in trouble and was told to mind my own business. So I distanced myself. As well as telling him she is no longer welcome at our house. He being the no it all keeps bringing her here and all we can do is grin and bare it.
And it has been like this for years.
We invited our immediate family to lunch for my hubby's be-day to announce that I was pregnant. My nieces asked who she was. I said this that she was my dad's girlfriend. And again I got into trouble because I didn't call her his "partner " ( I thought that weird ) I mean really.
Then I got into trouble because I wasn't available on mothers day I had plans. They actually came all the way to my house because they thought I was lying to them. I know this because they told me.
When our daughter was born, my dad came to the hospital and asked us how the baby was going to address her. I was quick to respond and said Catherine that's what we call her.
Needless to say dd blew a gasket. Started yelling and screaming that I have no respect. REALLY!
I am of Italian background and she is white Anglo-Saxon. He wants my child to call her Nonna. I believe that it should reserved only for my mother.
When she came to visit later on that day,
we asked her what she wants to be called. She said Nana and we were alright with that.
DD on the other hand keeps referring to her as "Nonna" and I correct him on every visit.
I do not like this b in the least. I am ready to tell my dear dad that I no longer want him nor his b girlfriend in my life.
They bought her a so many toys for Christmas and signed everything from Nonno and Nonna. I was ready to cry.
She has already stated that she wants to be called Nana so I don't understand why they are playing these dumb games.
She hates me and my sisters and makes our lives a living nightmare at every opportunity. And for that reason I don't want her to be called Nonna .
She hates me so much why should I allow her to be glorified after all the wrong doings that she has done?
And never ever apologized for anything. Because she is older then me and I have to respect her. Again I repeat I am 40 years old and don't need them.
If she wanted to be a called grandma so dam badly she should have had kids instead of getting her tunes tied.

"the way we treat others today will always come back to kick us in the button in the future"

3 Comments

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Gena - posted on 12/26/2013

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sorry i was so concentrated on the nonna theme that i didnt write anything about her being nasty to you.I dont know what they do that hurts you so much so its difficult for me to say if you must respect their wants.If she is treating you very badly then i can understand that you dont want her to be called Nonna.It sounds like a subject you should speak to them about,and be honost with them how you feel and explain why you feel that way.Hope i make sense..

Gena - posted on 12/26/2013

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I have a lovely elderly couple who are dear friends of mine.The husband is 82 already and Italian..I even call him my nonno and her my nonna because we get along so well,also my son may call them his nonnis eventhough we are not related.Thats what they would like to be called and i find it nice.I in one way understand your italian dad..i dont think they are doing it to be nasty.He wants them to be your childs Nonnis.But if its not ok for you them speak to him and tell him that you are fine with nana but not nonna.And explain to him why you dont want her to be nonna.Good Luck

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