What should parents do if your child tells you that she's been bullied at school?

Vanessa - posted on 07/25/2011 ( 172 moms have responded )

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What should parents do if your child tells you that she's been bullied at school?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Alexis&Taylors - posted on 07/29/2011

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Most of the time the school does a crap job at this... Law enforcment needs to be called make a report and handle this way. My family is law enforcement and there is a special division now that deals with bullying. The child that is the bully and their family need to know that there are consequnces. But first you should tell your child how happy and excited that they told you about this. Many kids never tell anyone. So make a big deal but in a good way so they understand they did the best thing. My daughter is 5 and we talk about this now. I tell her to always talk to me about whats going on. You should feel proud that your child told you. I hope this stops.

Kristie - posted on 07/26/2011

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you need to make an appointment with their teacher or the principal. the child bullying your child needs to be investigated, the parents of that child told about what is happening and steps put in place for each child to be counselled or moved to different classes. if none of this is done or your school doesn't have a good anti bullying policy, i'd find a new school that has strict policy on bullying. bullying will affect your child mentally for life and in my opinion is not acceptable in any form.

Sherrie - posted on 07/31/2011

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What did I do? I went into the school, made them ring the childs parents, had them come into the school and made the kids open up and say why they were doing it. If they dont want to be friends thats fine, but they do then have to leave each other alone. On another occassion, the school couldnt get the childs parents to come in, so i had my son tell me where they lived, because they all caught the bus together. Bit bold but it did work. I diplomatically explained to his dad that we needed to work out how to solve the problem with the boys. They didnt really know why they didnt even like each other, but they did agree to leave each other alone. He was more scared of his dad, than the trouble from school. It works really it does, but you do need to be diplomatic and realise that your child may have contributed to it or if not, you stand your ground and stay on the schools back until they step up and act apon it. If that doesnt work - you ring the schools directorit in your area and make an offical complaint, believe me nearly all the time they step in and assist in solving the situation. Dont leave it for the child to solve because it wont work.

Sally - posted on 07/31/2011

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Hello, I was bullied from first grade clear through senior year at high school. Go to the principal, go to the teacher, go to the schoolboard, go to the police. There is nothing worse than bullying. It is a debilitating situation that kills a child's self esteem and dreams for life.

Check online for laws and current ways schools are dealing with the bullier. Please be proactive. This cannot continue to exist.

Shannintipton - posted on 07/25/2011

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Help her by any means necessary. Start with the school principal. Find out every thing. Talk to everyone involved. Don't let this go without checking into it. I don't know the answers but I would look into it. Please get involved. Help your daughter before it goes too far. Good luck.

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PATRICIA - posted on 02/16/2012

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Get nvolved immediately, call the school. If that does not help find out who the parents are & contact them. Try to teach your child to be a strong enough individual that bullies, while unnerving I am sure, do not change who she is. I would seek legal help if the school did not intervene on behalf of my child. Good Luck!!!!!

PATRICIA - posted on 02/16/2012

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Get nvolved immediately, call the school. If that does not help find out who the parents are & contact them. Try to teach your child to be a strong enough individual that bullies, while unnerving I am sure, do not change who she is.

Casey - posted on 02/10/2012

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Earlier this year my step daughter kept bringing home do and returns notes on a lot of her assignments. They were also scribbled on. At first I thought she was getting frustrated and scribbling on her papers and turning them in unfinished. It took alot of talking to finally get out that the little boy that was sitting next to her was picking on her, saying mean things to her and taking her pencil and scribbling on her paper. I sent a note to her teacher with her to school. I requested the little boy be moved away from her. I later found out she was moved. I asked it that bothered and and she said she didnt care. I would take to your child and then the school. If it still continues to happen I would go to the childs parents and let them know whats going on. Best of luck.

@Jennifer. I agree that kids need to develop tougher skin and not listen to what other kids say but when it gets to bad that its affecting the victims school work and self esteem then it needs to be addressed. My kids pick on each other all the time and I know they get teased at school as well but when it effects school work its a problem. They are there to learn and if they dont feel safe in the environment they arent going to learn well. The school should also be aware of the problem as well. If the dont know its a problem they cant take the proper steps to fix it. Bulling has gotten so bad for some kids they drop out of school. That isnt ok either. It is the schools job to keep our kids safe right.

Jenn - posted on 02/08/2012

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Let them know you believe them go to the school. My kids were being bullied one has aspergers, when he fought back he got in trouble not them. I had to pull my kids out and I found an amazing charter high school where the number one rule is respect.

Tina - posted on 12/07/2011

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We have a not tollerance policy at our school if she told me she was being bullied I would 1. talk to her and get the excact story as to what is happening. 2. go to the parent of the bullier and 3. go to the school right away. This all will happen in a very short amount of time. I believe that while the school does have this policy it's alot for them to handle and I think it's the parents' responsibility to be involved full force. No parent should have to lose a child to bullying. Get the facts and keep on the school until something is done and most of all keep open communication between yourself and your child.

Jennifer - posted on 12/06/2011

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I think we all place to much responsibility on the schools. Schools can't solve the ills of society. We have very limited ways to change the bullies, especially because most of them are being raised by bully parents. I think we need to address the problem with the victim, which we at least have access to. Children need to develop a tougher skin and not to listen to people that they inherently know are not worthy of listening to. Children who can stand up to a bully, or at least not give credence to have a valuable tool in their belt.

Dana - posted on 12/06/2011

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there are so many new policies on bullying and they are very strict! look on line for the new updated policies and what ur rights are. I just had an issue with my 10 year old, and texting that they were going to stab him and watch him die. That is grounds for being expelled and arrested for that matter!! if this child was an adult, it is considered terroristic threats!!

Michelle - posted on 12/06/2011

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be like that Mum in the news and take matters into your own hands - and i can see the replies to this now lol. i know that is a serious matter but i believe that schools, police or whoever deals with the bullys don't take a hard enough stance on it.

KatieCampoli - posted on 12/04/2011

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I would tell there teacher, and to really discipline the bully!
I hate bullies, they have nothing better to do in there head!

Miranda - posted on 11/29/2011

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Go in to the school talk with the principal. If nothing is done to stop it go to the school board. If that doesn't work call and talk with a lawyer and see what he/she says to do next if the school is not willing to help out.

Kyleigh - posted on 11/21/2011

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I would go talk to the teacher then ask the teacher what she reccommends doing, perhaps have a sit down conference with teachers, school counselor, the child that is bullying parents and go from there

Kyleigh - posted on 11/21/2011

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I would go talk to the teacher then ask the teacher what she reccommends doing, perhaps have a sit down conference with teachers, school counselor, the child that is bullying parents and go from there

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My firstthing I tell my 10 year old (the smallest 5th grader in school) that she needs to tell the teacher if what is said to her makes her want to cry and it is even more important to tell if they touch her (hit, poke, pinch anything). One time she was hit by a classmate and was crying she had told me she told the teacher but after school that day the teacher called me and I told the teacher what happened the teacher had said she had no clue and I asked her to speak with my daughter and she did the teacher fixed the problem the next day.

America3437 - posted on 09/12/2011

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My children were being bullied by words. Their father is part mexican and the kids at school and on the bus were calling them "The Wetbacks" and stuff like that and it was becoming a real problem. At first I explained that some people were raised to be ignorant and they should just stay away from them but that really didn't help so I called the principal and was told that in this part of the country that is how it is going to be(this principal was found to be involved in a prostuition ring' the "boss" really that summer) so I called the superindent and told her that that was unacceptable and I would be bringing an attorney with me if I had to come to the school to stop it myself! The bulleying stopped. I really wanted to go kick the shit out of the parents for their ignorance but what would that have solved? Talk to your schools and stay involved. It is our duty as parents to protect them! What we can do is raise our kids to be kind to one another!

Tracey - posted on 09/11/2011

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I have had this problem with my son, it got that bad he didnt want to go to school anymore. I tried talking to their parents first which didnt help. I have now gone and spoke to his teacher and the deputy head and they are being brilliant with us which is great as it has been going on for years now. Speak to your daughters teacher first if you do not get any luck go straight to the head teacher. Make sure you ask your daughter every night what her day has been like and if there has been a problem document it so you have it all on paper so you do not forget anything while speaking to the teacher. Good luck I hope you get the help you need and your daughter stops being bullied. x

Jeannie - posted on 09/06/2011

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go to the principle if that doesnt work call the school board if it still happing call the school police all school have them

Jeannie - posted on 09/06/2011

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go to the principle if that doesnt work call the school board if it still happing call the school police all school have them

Hope - posted on 09/03/2011

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act quickly with the school officials, if they will not take action, go to the district, do not attempt meetings with parents, due to the fact that this behavior is coming from somewhere, and until you know if it is environmental (home) protect yourself and child.

there are now national organizations to protect children from being bullied, so you can search some of them as well for additional actions to take, BUT TAKE ACTION

Eileen - posted on 09/03/2011

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Yes; that depends if the Principal is approachable.. depends on where and who. Usually Guidance or school social worker is.

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Talk to the principal about it first. Then IF that doesnt work, talk to the bully's parents, and they dont care (which some parents dont), then you should walk your child to their classroom. If the teacher asks you why, tell the truth.

Eileen - posted on 09/02/2011

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Discuss the situation fully with your child and then make an appointment with the school guidance counselor. I am a certified anger management specialist if you want to talk we can do a free phone consult (15 minutes) 516 623 4353 www.balanceandpower.com

Neesa - posted on 08/31/2011

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check the schools anti bullying policy. Alert the teacher(s), principal and playground monitor. See if the school has a buddy system or mentoring program in place, children who are with friends are not often bullied, but those that seem to be "alone" are often singled out by the bully., advise your child to tell as soon as the incident happens to the classroom teacher, playground moniter, etc. That she has the right to say NO & stop it! See what tools she feels comfortable using that will help her feel empowered!

Neesa - posted on 08/31/2011

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check the schools anti bullying policy. Alert the teacher(s), principal and playground monitor. See if the school has a buddy system or mentoring program in place, children who are with friends are not often bullied, but those that seem to be "alone" are often singled out by the bully., advise your child to tell as soon as the incident happens to the classroom teacher, playground moniter, etc. That she has the right to say NO & stop it! See what tools she feels comfortable using that will help her feel empowered!

Laura - posted on 08/23/2011

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My son has touretts and has had only a handful of friends K through jr.high.But by him being teased and seeing other kids being teased he always stuck up for the other kids getting picked on.he learned a hard lesson and turned it into a very possitive one.he would ask us what to do .we would tell him you can't help the movements your body does on it own.he is 17 and finally on medicine for the past 5 years where you can hardly notice his tics.as parents it breaks our hearts to see how cruel kids can be.pitched part of a game with full body tics and did very well.but as soon as his coaches found out he was a slower learner he got less playing time.very naturally taletly ball player.so the coaches from 4 different teams all treated him the same. very sad.makes you wonder why the kids bully .they see it from their parents as well in different forms.hang in their parents.be comforting to your kids.

Julie - posted on 08/23/2011

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Wow Arnette! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? I understand being upset about the situation. If I understood your story right, your nephew made a rude comment as well about the other boy acting like a girl. Sounds like all of the boys need to be talked to about how they are expected to speak and act. There's no excuse for physical bullying, but people need to think before opening their mouths because children are just learning how to control their emotions and when someone gets made fun of their impulse is to get physical. It takes a lot of teaching from all parents to help their children control that and walk away. Name calling is just as much bullying though as physical abuse. As adults we need to set the example first by teaching our children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, neighborhood children etc. how to speak and act in an appropriate manner. The children speak and act as they hear and see us do. I know because I've been working for the last 21 years on trying to control my temper better and unfortunately I see things my girls have picked up from me. We must all try to do better so our kids can be better than us.

Constance - posted on 08/23/2011

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@Summyr, At this age it is kinda normal but as the little boy gets older it could and probally will esaluate. So making a quick call to your son's teacher is the best thing to do to nip it in the butt. The little boy will only be spoken to and remind it isn't nice to do things like that. That normaly does the trick with younger ones. They are friends that just have minor disagreements and they will remind him that tripping isn't the way to handle being mad.

Summyr - posted on 08/23/2011

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So many responses.... I am also wondering about this (I have a son who is 6 - 1st grade) He told me he was being bullied and I asked what happened he said he tripped him on the play ground at lunch but that they are not in the same class and it only happens at lunch...
next day he tells me the kid is weird and he wants to be friends and then he gets mad and bullies him.
next day - no mom we're friends now
next day - yeah mom he gets mad and then we are friends and then he gets mad - mom, I am seeing a pattern
lol okay so MY question to you repliers is at what point do I get involved or is this normal kid stuff on the play ground?

Eagluvr - posted on 08/23/2011

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I have tried talking with the principal, and he stated to me,'that if I disciplined all the kids that did that, I'd be doing nothing but disciplining kids all day long." ISN'T THAT HIS JOB??? THIS IS A SMALL LITTLE WI TOWN,AND HE ONLY HAS THE JOB BECAUSE HIS FAMILY KNOWS PEOPLE, ETC., ETC. I find it disgusting. NO contact with the parents is allowed, he told me to have my then 8 yr. old daughter hit the bully. Then she'd be in trouble!! Argh, I wish I had the means to move. Thank you for all of your suggestions.

Deanne - posted on 08/21/2011

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whatever you do DON'T ignore her or make light of what she is saying. One thing that can be devastating for the children is when their parents say "oh just ignore them and pretend it doesn't bother you" or "ah just get over it sticks and stones..." Words DO hurt and can be devastating to these kids. And kids at school can be very mean. Tell your child that you love them and you want to help them and that you want them to talk to you about the stuff that's going on. don't over react in front of your child though because then they may keep things to themselves just so you don't embarrass them by making a scene at school.
Go to their school, talk with their teacher, the principal, and the school counselor and let them know what is going on. You may need to keep doing this if things don't get better. Usually in the school systems the squeaky wheel is what gets the oil meaning you have to stay on top of the matter and you have to insist on getting help with this matter. I do not think this is bad on the schools part it's just reality. Our school systems are packed and the teachers and personnel are over worked, underpaid, and under appreciated and have very little money to have what is ideal in our schools. So many of the teachers and administrators are using their own money our of their pockets to provide things they need so they DO care but because there just aren't enough employees/money to really provide the best for everyone kids and issues can get over looked or put off for the more critical issues.
Do stay on top of this and do listen to your child when she talks and DO get familiar with their school/teachers/administrators and keep going back until you see things are being handled effectively.
You may need to also find out who the parents of the kids doing the bullying and talk to them but I would approach this delicately and play it by ear but the last thing you want to do is get in an altercation/word fight with the parents if they prove to be uncooperative.

Queen - posted on 08/21/2011

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It really is upsetting to read such post. Sorry to hear you had such experience, yet glad you found a solution. I would like to see more positive reinforcement for all individuals involved. Maybe everyone can learn something about the other person. (i.e. abused background, ignorance- just don't know any better, reaching out for some love and attention without knowing the right way to do it.) Anyone ever heard of catching more bees with honey? Or making lemonade out of lemons? Two wrongs don't make a right. Much Love!

Melissa - posted on 08/20/2011

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My son was being picked on @ school i sat down with him and asked wat the children were saying to him then assured him wat they were saying was not true about him and informed his teacher of the children who were saying things to him & wat they were saying it was dealt with that day if it hadnt been dealt with i would have gone to the principal and talked about other options that they recomend I take.

Katherine - posted on 08/20/2011

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****Admin Warning*****

Although CoM's understands certain language, we don't find some of the language in this thread appropriate. Therefore I have deleted some posts. Please try to keep it a little more clean. Thanks!

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Constance - posted on 08/19/2011

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Hell if he doesn't have access to a bat remind him to grab, squeeze and twist that will take him down.

Constance - posted on 08/19/2011

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Hey trust me you have to do what you have to do. I ave called the cops a few times myself. Three of my kids have handled a couple of the punks in the neighborhood. One of them a boy punch my 15 yr old daughte in the face in front of my two 14 and 16 nephews who I have custodyof. They rearranged his face nd he hasn't left his house in two monthes. I don't condone violence but sometime it is the only way to get your point accross. Keep standing your ground.

Arnette - posted on 08/19/2011

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Constance, I totally agree. There are several forms of bullying. The mother was trying to bully me as well. We started bringing up things that has nothing to do with the price of tea in China. I started telling her what does that have to do with what happened. She started saying I had underlying anger issues. LOL. But I stood my ground. I started throwing the things she was mentioning in her face. She got pissed and walked away. When I was done with her the same neighbors she was trying to make me look foolish in front of realized her and her family are troublemaking assholes. She realizes now I don't give a shit about her or her family. If any of her family get out of line again. I will put their asses in jail. She kept screaming she has a bad heart. Well, here is your reason. I think she realized I am serious I don't think they will be messing with me ever again.

Rebecca - posted on 08/19/2011

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Take it seriously it is now a crime for this to take place, most schools would rather sweep it under the carpet but you are your only advocate for your child, i have had this with my child and i ended seeking an attorney and suing the school because they would not do anything about it.I ended up moving 2000 miles away to another state because it was not going to get better. Even after i got an an attorney, be proactive for your child meet with the principal if that doesn't work than call for a meeting with the superintentant, this is serious and can seriously hurt your child you are your childs voice. I wish you all the best :)

Constance - posted on 08/19/2011

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There are so many forms of bullying. It isn't just kids being beat up anymore. Bullys have been accepted for generations and kids have been told it is just part of life. Yes some of it is but not to the extremes it has come to. Bullying has to be stoppd before it can even begin. There is something called Challenge Day. It is so far only availiable for High Schools but it is one of the best things I hve seen to help end bullying in every form. It breaks down barriers and shows kids even though you may look, act, do different thing you are mor alike than you know. These kids open up and tell some of their epest darkest secrets and most of these secrets should never be held in. Botomline these kids come away from this day with a new look on life and nw friends. People they never thought they could ever be friends with. We need more of this everywhere.

Arnette - posted on 08/18/2011

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Here we go with another example of bullying. My neighbor's son that is 15 yrs old weighs more than 200 lbs had the nerve to have his friend outside infront of my house kicking my nephew. My nephew is just turned 11 yrs old and weighs 70lbs soak and wet. They claimed they were playing football. What fucking football do you know that kicks the person in possession on the football in the ass? Well, needless to say I found out that this fat bastard threatened to beat my son up. My son is also 11yrs old. He was told to do so by a 13 yr old female cousin because my son told the brother that is that same age as my son he is acting like a girl. Now the bitch as mother heard these different incidents and said nothing, but had the to tell me I approached her with anger and I had underlining issues I need to address. My nephew wasn't hurt so what's the problem. I calmly told her the problem is stupid mother fuckers like you that think its ok for big fat kids to bully other kids and you don't take responsibility for the situation. Instead you try to make me seem like a hostile trouble maker. So, to avoid any further conflict with you and your son just to make it clear, your son is almost an adult. He is aware of what he is doing. This situation will never happen again, because if I see that 15 yr old obese boy near my boys and doing things I deam in appropriate I am going to make sure my boys bust their fucking faces with a baseball bat and call the fucking police because it is clear you are a stupid person and want to make yourself better than everyone else and you are nothing but low lives putting on false pretenses. Another case in point you have to defend the kids because the parents want to blame everyone else except the people that are wrong. The mother also stated her son had ADHD. No fucking excuse. So, does my son and nephew. Get another excuse.

Constance - posted on 08/18/2011

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My daughter was bullied for yrs. Iam not quiet so everybody knew who I was. My daughter would report it and they would speak to the bullies but because the roam in packs all they had to say was no I didn't and they were believed. My daughter snapped one day and threatened 5 girls who had bullied her for monthes. She told them if they didn't leave her aln she would kll them and chop them into little pieces and feed them to her frog. She got suspended and of course the bullies didn't. It still didn't end and it broke her she had to be hopitalized because she became a threat to herself and others. Teachers made no attempt to help her so finally we remove her from a public setting now she attends school online and carries a 4.0 in A.P. classes.

Bullyiing needs to end. It doesn't matter what form it is. It is still very painful nd our children are killing themselves because of it. When will schools and our communities really ge on board to end this.

Stacey - posted on 08/18/2011

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I understand how hard this must be. It really depends what type of bullying you're talking about here? I would say it's best to stand up to the bully, and it takes guts, but it's worth it. What type of bullying?

Julie - posted on 08/16/2011

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When my daughter was being buley i was fortunate to know the bulys mum so i spoke to her without my girl or the other girl knowing but made it clear someone else seen her because my daughter havent told as i think that could make it worse and thats the last thing i wanted hope the other parents are probable hope all works out for the best as its a horrible situation to be inx

Julie - posted on 08/16/2011

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When my daughter was being buley i was fortunate to know the bulys mum so i spoke to her without my girl or the other girl knowing but made it clear someone else seen her because my daughter havent told as i think that could make it worse and thats the last thing i wanted hope the other parents are probable hope all works out for the best as its a horrible situation to be inx

Richelle - posted on 08/14/2011

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Go online and see what the school and district policy is on bullying. You can also go to your local P.D. and see what (if any) laws are in place to protect kids who are bullied. Ask your child to write down the approximate dates/times and students involved in the bullying. If she comes home with injuries or damage to her personal property, take pictures of it along with the other documentation. Go to the principal and notify them of the problem your daughter is having. If they are reluctant to do anything, go to the district. Be as pro-active as you can, even if they look at you as being a pest. Your daughter's mental and physical well being is worth it. A good book that I found is called The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander. My son dealt with a lot of bullying and we ended up pulling him from the public school and he's now in an online charter school. He's doing better now, but at the lowest point he had been contemplating suicide, was angry and had severe anxiety, and was nearly agoraphobic. We did all we could, but we didn't document enough and that hurt us when dealing with the assistant principal that was enabling these kids to continue bullying him. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Nichola - posted on 08/14/2011

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Tell them to do it back, will never get picked on again. worked for me personally and my 5 year old!

Nichola - posted on 08/14/2011

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Miss 5 year old came home from school covered in brusies. I tried talking to everyone. Principal, teachers, other parents and even school counsellor. nothing got done so i told my miss 5year old to do whatever the bullies did to her but twice as hard. make up names for them and to pretty much give them a taste of their own medicine and guess what NO more brusies and NO more bullies. You in mean time need to encourage her to stick up for herself, lots of cuddles and kisses and one on one time. she may feel helpless, clingy and like she not important. insure her that she is beautiful and amazing in every single way!

Nathalie - posted on 08/13/2011

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that they think that she is special and that she is the best thing in this world

Madelyn - posted on 08/13/2011

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How old is your child? kids are cruel, and they learn from home. Maybe a meeting with there parents is needed. Sometimes that doesnt help either since some parents reward such behavior. Teach your child to always sick up for themselves no matter what. Bullies prey on the people that allow it. Even if they are scared you have to teach them not to allow anyone to treat them poorly. The bullying only gets worse the older they get. if they build that confidence now it will help them thru life.

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