What so i do when my partner's 19 year old son manipulates her

Sharfieka - posted on 02/29/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone i need advice urgently. I'm in a serious relationship with a woman who is separated from her husband for almost a year now regarding abuse of all aspects. She is living with me and my daughter of six years old. In their marriage they only have one child and he is 19 years old going on 20 and he is living with his father. My problem is because he attended a skills school and hangs with children younger then him the youngest being in grade:6 he manipulates his mother to the extreme. He does not work lays at home all day and roaming the their neighborhood everyday. The father and my partner buys everything for him and even gives him pocket money. I picked up the topic sometime back when it was Christmas and he needed Christmas clothes and shoes which you can guess is not cheap considering he is a teenager..... When I picked the topic she nearly bit off my head saying that he is her only child and she will give him what he needs no matter what and if I'm not happy with it that is my problem that i must deal with, i was shocked. It did not matter what I said she would have a better answer like he is going through a tough time regarding his parents being separated and she living by me and a whole lot of other bull. She never see his wrong doings. She goes to visit him then he never at home always with his friends. He always asks when is mommy going to come visit us (him & his father) and she never puts him straight.
I'm to afraid to lift this topic with her again after the last time, but i'm getting fed up i love her very much no doubt about that. I told him in advance that me and his mother will not be home the 1St weekend of March as we going camping and the last weekned of Feb we will be resting. I planned something for us that weekend before the camp, but then he went to her on min 99 and asked whether she could not come and visit them again after he knew and she knew too she cancel that weekned with me and went to go visit him cause she didnt want to disappoint him like seriously. I'm out of ways to make her see the game he is playing cause i just get shot anyway and he get what he wants. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

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Dove - posted on 03/02/2016

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*When I picked the topic she nearly bit off my head saying that he is her only child and she will give him what he needs no matter what and if I'm not happy with it that is my problem that i must deal with,

There is your answer. You deal w/ it or you leave. You have a 6 year old daughter. If this woman hasn't even been separated from her husband for a year... you haven't been dating long enough to have her live w/ you... especially considering you have a young child that is likely to now get hurt by all of this. She's not even divorced yet.

You have your answer... it just sounds like you don't want to accept it, but the longer this goes on the worse it is going to be for YOUR child when you finally realize you can't change this woman and her situation... nor should you try.

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Sharfieka - posted on 03/01/2016

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Hi Raye she went as far as to fetch the divorce papers from court, but is it. Thank you for getting back to me

Raye - posted on 02/29/2016

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Your girlfriend won't change unless she wants to, and it seems she doesn't want to. Love for your partner just isn't always enough in these blended families. Her son is an adult, and needs to start being treated differently, and not just handed everything. But if the mother can't/won't do that, then you're at a stand still.

You say she's separated from her husband... are they in process of a divorce? Currently, she's not available to you legally, She's not making herself available to you emotionally (if she's letting her son control her). It's not selfish for you to think about your wants and needs, and those of your child, and wanting those needs to be met. You should have a partner that is more willing to work with you. If that's not happening, it may be time to let go.

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