What to do for 13 year old who refuses to cooperate

Lorene - posted on 07/02/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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She is actually my granddaughter. Her parents are divorced. She has always been a very difficult child with violent tantrums She spent 1/2 time with mom and 1/2 with dad but last year refused to come to moms as mom required certain behavior. Dad let her do whatever. She has gradually become even more uncooperative. Now refuses to go out of his apartment for any reason. Claims she is going insane because they have taken her phone (very valid reason) and banned computer (another very valid reason) Refuses to cooperate with anything they ask of her in order to gain privileges back. She has been in years of counseling and they have tried to get help thru social services to no avail. She has said she has reason to live but since she has not attempted suicide no reason to hospitalize her. What do they do to get this child some help before she does something drastic.

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Sarah - posted on 07/04/2016

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So she is staying with dad all of the time now? Why is that even tolerated?

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Lorene - posted on 07/04/2016

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i think we may have found a partial answer. We told her we were coming to pick her up and out for lunch. She actually stuck with us until 3:30. We are going to go every week and get her out. (she lives an hour from us) And she was receptive to some suggestions. I think she may have come to the realization that she has to cooperate to get her privileges back. She's a very smart girl with low self esteem. thanks for encouraging me.

Dove - posted on 07/04/2016

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No, a diagnosis doesn't help solve the problem, but a diagnosis and a therapist can help w/ the right approach to the problem... only if she actually has a parent willing and able to parent and that doesn't sound like the case.

If her father is not wiling or able to parent and no one in this poor child's life is willing to try and get custody to help and protect her... there is nothing to be done except pray that she will turn into a decent adult despite no one being willing to raise her properly.

Lorene - posted on 07/04/2016

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She has had years of therapy. She has diagnoses but that doesn't help solve the problem. Dad has never implemented consequences. He also has tons of mental illness and if she needs consequences he calls my daughter to ask what to do. Saturday he called her 25 times. Really, she needs to be removed from his apartment, but my daughter has 15 year old and a 3 year old and her drama is not healthy for them and my daughter does not want full custody, She refuses to go anywhere. His idea of fun is to visit his ancient relatives and go to church and all his multiple mental health appointments. They have a dog but they don't even walk the dog.

Dove - posted on 07/02/2016

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What has her therapist suggested? Has she seen a child psychologist and gotten any diagnoses? How long has Dad been implementing consequences vs just letting her get away w/ the behaviors? How often do they spend time together having fun?

Teens who have been spoiled throughout childhood can be VERY dramatic when they finally start being held accountable for their negative behaviors...

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