What to do if my daughter does not agree?

Nargiza - posted on 10/16/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi :) I am a mom of a 16-year old daughter. The situation is that I have got a very good job, finally.:) But this job is in another country (rather continent) and my daughter does not want to move. And there is no job in the country where she is. I am a single mother, so we both rely on my income and this job can open opportunities for us in the future. But I cannot be away from her for a long time, she is underage. One option is to give up my job. Another option is to make her move with me. But she says that she does not want to move to that country and can stay on her own and that her opinion shall matter. What can be a right option in this situation?

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Ev - posted on 10/16/2013

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Is her father involved in her life? I can understand her position in changing schools in high school especially. When I was 15 almost 16 we moved to a new location where my dad's side of the family lived. I was happy with the move and thought that for the rest of high school I was fine. About half way through my junior year, my dad thought that from what was going on in his job, we would be moving once again in the summer but back East where we had come from. I was beside myself. I was ready to beg to be allowed to stay with my grandparents and aunt just to finish high school. I had spent 9th grade in one high school and then 10th in a second. I had just moved to my third high school before 11th grade and did not want to have to make up classes because each state back then had their own agenda for graduation requirements and credits. I was lucky in the fact that my dad's job was not interupted and he did not have to chose to move us once again. So, I can see your daughter's worries. If she has been in that school since she started her high school credits, moving countries is going to cause her to have to make up subjects she has not had yet because she was in school here. She is going to have to give up friends she has known for a long time and extra activities she is involved in. If she is that established in this school, I can see her fear. She has only two years left of school and a big change such as this could make a big difference in her college years too. If there is a way for her to stay, try to find it. If she has relatives, grandparents, or her father ready to step in to let her stay where she is I would go that route. BUT I do agree that leaving her here at 16 and on her own is not a good choice for a girl her age as there is so many things that could go wrong.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/16/2013

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Sounds as if you're not in the US, so you need to look very carefully into the laws for your country. Do they allow for a young person (15, 16, 17) to live on their own without an adult in residence?

If not, she doesn't have a choice, nor does her opinion matter at this point. If you need the job to survive, and you are supporting her, she needs to get a grip and pack her bags.

If, in your country, a minor child is considered self sufficient by her age, and you feel that she can be trusted (you've already stated you're uncomfortable with leaving her), is there a trusted adult that she could perhaps stay with until the idea of changing locations is a bit more palatable?

Bottom line is your kids really don't have a say in a necessary move like this. If you're supporting her, and she has no means to live on her own, and she's still a minor child, she can throw all the fits she wants, but she still needs to cooperate.

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