What to do to get you teenager to clean their rooms consistantly!!! Step 1

Renee - posted on 03/01/2015 ( 27 moms have responded )

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It's all about winning control, and they want it. So GIVE IT TO THEM! If you follow these steps exactly, magic will happen.
First lets get your mind in the right place...Who's house is it? Yours (no brainer),
Who's room is it? YOURS. (the room falls in the confines of the house) sooo..

Step #1 - YOU clean your child's room perfectly. No food under the bed, all glasses and trash gone!! Everything in its place, smelling great, all close hung up. drawers neat and shoes put away. Bed made, blinds open to let the light in. Read the comments below for rest of the instructions...
Step #2 - Put a key lock on your child's door.
Step #3 - (this is a BIG ONE, BUT STAY WITH ME!!) Apologize to your child for putting so much pressure on them to keep their room clean!!( you need to say this sincerely and in a loving understanding tone. (Now here is where is gets really good). Tell them you understand that going to school and hanging with friends and after school activities are very stressful and you certainly DIDN'T MEAN TO PUT THE STRESS of having to clean up a room and make the bed and put clothes away. So they no longer have to worry about this. Give them a sleeping bag and a pillow and let them set it up IN THE HALLWAY.(not the sofa or anyone else's room) And say " you no longer have to worry about dealing with you're room, that You, their parent will handle it for them UNTIL THEY TELL YOU THEY ARE READY AND TRULY WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HANDLING A FULL BEDROOM!!" Tell them that you will UNLOCK the door for 5 mins in the morning so they can choose the clothes they want for that day. All they have to do is fold up their sleeping bag in the morning and put their dirty close in the hamper or laundry basket. No matter how they beg, hold out for at least 3-5 days. Once you do let them back in, let them know if it gets too much they can always have the sleeping bag back. THE BALL IS IN THEIR COURT, THEY HAVE ALL THE CONTROL OVER HANDLING THEIR ROOM OR NOT. They deserve a nice room but it is a PRIVILEGE not a gimme. it works every time ;)

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Sarah - posted on 03/02/2015

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I must admit, I do help out from time to time. I don't always expect my 10 year old to strip her bed and wash her sheets. She knows how, and understands why it is good to keep order in your living space.
Oddly, not one mom has posted
Step # 1 close the door and let them live in filth.

Michelle - posted on 03/03/2015

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The virgin troll doesn't know how to PM so that good. It's the OP here that likes to PM people and call them rude.
Apparently me pointing the glaring spelling mistake was rude.

Michelle - posted on 03/03/2015

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She just makes me laugh. I have removed her posting privileges on the welcome page though.

Michelle - posted on 03/03/2015

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I got a PM saying I was rude as well. No reply since I told her I was a Mod though!

Dove: at least I won't have your problem of stepping on them on the way to the loo since I have an ensuite. The other kids may step on them or kick them though. Plus I won't have anywhere to put the fan during summer, the hallway is too narrow for both.

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2015

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How about:
Step #1 Tell your teen to clean their room, do the laundry and put it away, and take care of the trash.
Step #2 Expect your teen to do as they are told.

I find the way you phrase Step # 3 to be patronizing and condescending. About how stressful their life must be, and how hard it must be to keep things clean so you will relieve them of the need etc.

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Dove - posted on 03/03/2015

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I think I got called rude once today... either I'm slipping or I'm not here enough anymore. lol

No PM's from random wackos in a long time either.... Boo...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/03/2015

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Man, I didn't even get pm's...I mustn't be rude enough today...

I really wanted a pm from our virgin troll...

Dove - posted on 03/03/2015

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lol Our 'virgin troll' (NOT this post, obviously...) is a persistent little bugger.

Dove - posted on 03/02/2015

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lol Sarah... I just read comments. I do your step one in this house most of the time...

Yay!! Shawnn is the rude one today. Thank goodness it isn't me again.... ♥

Dove - posted on 03/02/2015

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I don't want my kids in my hallway... I'd step on them going pee in the middle of the night. lol

It's all good.... it's their room. It's the rest of the house I care about... and Jodi is right... 'ground' them from going out w/ friends and it works like magic. My teenagers stayed home 2 days... then right before the weekend came... my house was SPOTLESS. lol ;)

Jill - posted on 03/02/2015

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This thread gets my vote for most entertaining. As a former teen who would not clean her room, I can sympathize for parents of lazy, irresponsible teens. My own kids clean their room, one is almost OCD about it and the other is more like I was but I don't do it for her and I definitely hold her accountable so even though she fights it, her room is clean at least 95% of the time.

When I read Renee's post, I, too, thought it was a bit sarcastic, but then I thought about a family I know with a 6-year-old boy who kept dropping his drawers at school (bare bum). The school and the mom were frantic about it with no solution in sight - they had tried everything.

I suggested a solution: Take all his pants and underwear out of his drawers and bag them up in a clear plastic garbage bag. Tie off the bag and put a big tag that says the name of a local charity. Put the bag in the kitchen and wait. The little boy wakes up, goes to get dressed and finds no pants or underwear, he comes to the kitchen and ask mom where are his clothes. She says she is donating them to charity since he is not using them anymore. She sends him outside to get in the car (with a very long shirt that day and no neighbors in sight). Of course the little boy, initially excited about this game, is caught off guard with this scenario playing out and he realizes he is going to have to go school like that. So he starts to complain and cry loudly. It set the stage for the talk about keeping his clothes on at school only now he was really paying attention and the problem went away, much to the appreciation of the school staff.

So, I think there is some value in using shock therapy with children.

Michelle - posted on 03/02/2015

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My kids have been taught how to keep their rooms clean well before the teen stage. I have other consequences that work well and gets them tidying their rooms.
My boys also do their own laundry and fold and put away all their clothes.
I won't have to resort to have kids sleeping in the hallway as teens because they have been brought up to do what I ask.
Yes, I already have 1 teen.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/02/2015

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Apparently I'm the rude, non helpful biotch here...even though my solution works well also...but then again, it may make some parents feel uncomfortable because it enforces consequences.

Jodi - posted on 03/02/2015

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Honestly, I wasn't being rude. You can't read tone in a post. I actually posted first, BEFORE you completed your post. All that was written was step 1 and I thought it was hilarious. Once you added the rest, it made more sense.

Or are you insinuating that my second and third post were rude? That it was rude to suggest I use an alternative method (which is actually helpful to people reading your post too because it also is a solution to this issue)?

Renee - posted on 03/02/2015

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So Again, are you going to give any words of value or just continue to rant. This is SUPPOSE to be a sight that HELPS Mothers with various solutions because not everyone's child is as perfect as yours. So I hope this helps someone out there who is actually frustrated and has done a good job of parenting their children but may be looking for other alternatives to their situations. Have a lovely day ladies and go and actually try and help one another instead of bashing others to try and make yourself look better.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/02/2015

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LMAO

I DID clean their rooms. ONCE. When they were old enough to understand that I was giving them an example, and that they would be expected to keep it from there on.

That example happened when they were between the ages of 6 & 8, BTW.

I ask again, who in their right mind is still cleaning a teenager's room? And, again, I point out that, if handled in a regular parenting environment, from the age that the child's cognitive reasoning is developed enough to understand, this becomes a moot point by the time they're a teen

Renee - posted on 03/02/2015

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Again, you girls are not READING. You are ENFORCING CONSEQUENCES. You are cleaning the room ONCE, not every time. Hopefully your child learn. This is ONE alternative that I gave to my girlfriend and it worked beautifully. To each his own. If this helps anyone, lovely. If not don't be rude just waste to waste time and word. Go and try to help someone else.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/02/2015

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What parent in their right mind would continue to clean a teenager's room?

Here's what works the best: Enforcing consequences. Kid wants to have fun, kid cleans room, does chores, and behaves appropriately at home. 'nuff said.

I'll be damned if I clean my kids rooms!

So, Renee, you can go ahead and be ridiculously controlling of your kids, or you can put the responsibility on them. After all, if you've been consistently parenting their entire lives, them taking responsibility is no big deal. At least it wasn't in my house...

Renee - posted on 03/02/2015

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Jody they were written down in comments for more room, then I copy and pasted them to the end of the first thread. Bottom line, if its not for you wonderful, but no need to be rude about it, that's not what this sight is for, its for helping one another, with good intention and a good heart. Enjoy you day.

Renee - posted on 03/02/2015

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First off Michelle, No need to be Rude, a simple spelling error. And if your children are perfect, congratulations. Secondly, kids go thru cycles in trying to assert their independence, so even the best of teaching has it's trying times. It's about allowing them to MAKE THE CHOICE. You are not taking away but allowing them to choose what they want to do. And as far as having them sleep in the hallway. If you do it right, they won't last long there. Kid psychology, it's about children, teens pushing their boundaries and learning what they can and cannot do, which, in any normal child is a part of healthy growth.

Amber - posted on 03/02/2015

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*Clothes

I do agree that would be a big wake up call. One that might work if that teen is actually willing and able to change his habits on his own. But, unfortunately, many are not. Sure it may work for a while. He may do good for a week or two but eventually a few pieces of paper one the floor won't be a big deal, a pair of socks or jeans will get missed and no one knows the better. And as time goes on he will be right back to where he was before.

Step 1. DON'T wait until he is a teen to teach him, and especially not expect him to have good cleaning habits. If your teen is a slob and keeps his room a mess, that means you've missed the mark somewhere. Kids are not born to know that dirty clothes don't belong on the floor, or candy wrappers belong on the trash, or dirty dishes belong in the dishwasher. These are all things the parent is there to teach. Granted, kids form their own habits that may not be exactly what the parent was teaching them. Continue reading.
Step 2. Have a good balance between rewards and consequences. If your child/teen is GIVEN his rewards (phone, tv, time on game systems, sleepovers, money to go shopping with, etc.) with out earning it (keeping his room clean, doing chores, doing school work) then why would he care if he follows through with his responsibilities?
Step 3. Understand this should not be child-against-parent. It is our responsibility to make sure that our children are ready to live on their own before they move out. Make good money, be a good spouse, be a good parent, and keep a home clean. Before you fault the child for keeping a messy room, ask yourself "Have I spent time teaching him where his dirty clothes should go and stayed consistent with him to develop a good habit?", "Have I spent time teaching him to put his shoes in a designated spot every time he takes them off?", "Have I spent time teaching him how to keep his desk area clean and organized?" If the answer is "No," then you need to spend time teaching him these things, staying consistent, keeping him accountable ONLY after he has actually been taught.

Also, have a good chore chart or something that is visual for him to keep up with his responsibilities. By doing this, it will help him know at a glance what he needs to do, plus will get him in the habit of keeping up with his responsibilities and that will help in his adult life as well.

Jodi - posted on 03/02/2015

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I tell you what works. "You can't go out with your friends until your room is tidy". Works. Every. Single, Time.

Michelle - posted on 03/02/2015

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Why would I want someone sleeping in my hallway?
This is just ridiculous.
At least learn how to spell CLOTHES. Close is to close the door or close your eyes. Clothes are what you wear.

Jodi - posted on 03/02/2015

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That's because you didn't write them - they've been added since ;)

But I don't police my kids that heavily. They actually do keep their rooms pretty tidy most of the time.

Renee - posted on 03/01/2015

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AH, you didn't read down on comments to see step 2 & 3... continue reading....

Renee - posted on 03/01/2015

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Step #2 - Put a key lock on your child's door.
Step #3 - (this is a BIG ONE, BUT STAY WITH ME!!) Apologize to your child for putting so much pressure on them to keep their room clean!!( you need to say this sincerely and in a loving understanding tone. (Now here is where is gets really good). Tell them you understand that going to school and hanging with friends and after school activities are very stressful and you certainly DIDN'T MEAN TO PUT THE STRESS of having to clean up a room and make the bed and put close away. So they no longer have to worry about this. Give them a sleeping bag and a pillow and let them set it up IN THE HALLWAY.(not the sofa or anyone else's room) And say " you no longer have to worry about dealing with you're room, that You, their parent will handle it for them UNTIL THEY TELL YOU THEY ARE READY AND TRULY WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HANDLING A FULL BEDROOM!!" Tell them that you will UNLOCK the door for 5 mins in the morning so they can choose the close they want for that day. All they have to do is fold up their sleeping bag in the morning and put their dirty close in the hamper or laundry basket. No matter how they beg, hold out for at least 3-5 days. Once you do let them back in, let them know if it gets too much they can always have the sleeping bag back. THE BALL IS IN THEIR COURT, THEY HAVE ALL THE CONTROL OVER HANDLING THEIR ROOM OR NOT. They deserve a nice room but it is a PRIVILEGE not a gimme. it works every time ;)

Jodi - posted on 03/01/2015

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This is a joke, right? Are you ACTUALLY suggesting we let our kids get away with a messy room by cleaning it up for them every time? They are winning control alright!!

Edited to Add: When I posted this comment, the OP was incomplete apparently and read as follows:
"It's all about winning control, and they want it. So GIVE IT TO THEM! If you follow these steps exactly, magic will happen.
First lets get your mind in the right place...Who's house is it? Yours (no brainer),
Who's room is it? YOURS. (the room falls in the confines of the house) sooo..
Step #1 - YOU clean your child's room perfectly. No food under the bed, all glasses and trash gone!! Everything in its place, smelling great, all close hung up. drawers neat and shoes put away. Bed made, blinds open to let the light in."

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