What to do when a father wants to sign over rights but my daughter wants to see him?

Roxxy - posted on 06/14/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 8 will be 9 in September. Her father has been in her life until about a year ago, when he started slacking on seeing her. In January we went to court and the judge ruled that he only see her every other Sunday for 3 hours. Two weeks ago he filed paperwork to sign over his parental rights, but the judge denied, he can't do this without adoption or child protective services stepping in. So he filed again with the judge saying he wants to review his visitations and child support. My daughter misses him, but he don't want anything to do her. He raises his 2 step-children and are very active in their lives. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?

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Roxxy - posted on 06/14/2011

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Thanks everyone, I am remarried and my husband is great to her, he is 110% willing to adopt her, we have a court hearing in a couple of weeks. I am just trying to get prepared, so many people have had so many opinions. I am afraid if my husband adopts, she will grow to hate me as she gets older. For example, she knows what is going on, but as we were walking out the door this morning, she says "mommy, i miss my daddy". I do have her in counseling, its just hard to make the "right" decision.

Jenn - posted on 06/14/2011

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It is so tragic and so common these days...my own father gave up his parental rights to me when I was 4. My mother protected me by moving out of that city altogether. She remarried when I was six and that wonderful man adopted me and has been my true dad for nearly 32 years. Your daughter will never understand why she was rejected by her father but you can help ease her sorrow and confusion by remaining loving, understanding and her rock of security and love. With your help, she will be able to move on without feeling responsible or guilty that her father "rejected" her. It is so tragic and frustrating. I credit my mom for not allowing me to carry the burden of my biological father's hurtful choice.

Lisamarie - posted on 06/14/2011

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The only thing I can say about a deadbeat dad is you are better off without him! My parents divorced when I was under a year old my dad has never paid a penny towards my upbringing (his new wife said she'd make him quit his job if my mum took him to court!) I saw him maybe 3/4 times a year. He never wanted to revoke his rights though. But still it hurts as a child, I used to spend endless days crying after he failed to turn up for yet another visit.
I had my two children and when he failed to turn up again in October 2009 I cut all communications with him, I have not spoken to him since. My children don't even recognise him in photo's which is sad but I will not have him fleeting in and out of their lives as he did mine.
Your daughter needs to figure this out on her own, I'm afraid and although it may be heartbreaking to witness just try and be there for her the best way that you can be.
Hope this helps a little. it is tough and I was lucky to have an AMAZING step dad who loves me dearly. I believe you have plenty of love to give your daughter and try and make sure she knows she's still got one parent. Good luck. :-)

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