What to do when bio mother is telling step mother to stop doing their child's hair

Ashley - posted on 06/16/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Kind of a weird question in my opinion, because I don't see the issue, BUT this is what I'm dealing with right now! I am the stepmother, and have been in the child's life since 1 1/2 years of age. She is now 5. She is half white, half African American. She has the A.A. hair, so of course it needs more care. The mother is white, so am I. I have researched things to do to her hair, and have numerous A.A. friends that I ask questions to as well. She has nobody, and I’m sorry to say, but she knows nothing about A.A. hair. My husband has Primary Resd. Custody, so she is here with us more. She was in preschool from Dec 2013-May 1, 2014, and I was doing her hair Sunday evening when we would get her from her mother’s house, and then the night before she would go back and she was ok with it and had no complaints. The only complaint she had then was the one time I DIDN’T do her hair because that meant she had to. Now the child is on Summer Break, before starting Kindergarten, so she is with her mother 10 days, and us 10 days. She will “do her hair” the day before or the day we get her and the night we get her, I feel the need to take her hair out and deep condition it and moisturize it back up, because it is so dry and brittle. Her mother has asked my husband what I use in her hair, and he’ll tell her, and then she won’t use it. Instead, she will tell their daughter that she doesn’t like that I put those things in her hair. But yet all she does to it is wash it and put gel in it to style it and doesn’t moisturize it. So today, her mother came to get her, and my stepdaughter told her I did her hair. She didn’t have any questions or concerns at that time. But then about 20 minutes later, she called and asked my husband who did her hair and that if I ever do it again that she will just CUT IT ALL OFF so nobody will do it because she claimed that there were red bumps on her scalp and that her hair is falling out. I had done it in a cornrow style two days ago, loosely, because the way I learned isn’t tight, and so I know that there weren’t any red bumps. And also, her hair isn’t falling out. My husband says that she is just jealous of what I can do to her hair. She has done this before, but those times she said that she would never allow their child back to our house if I ever did her hair again. I did it and she didn’t keep her threat. But now that my husband has primary custody, she can’t threaten him that. My main question is, is what do I or should I do? We have her for over a week at a time, what she does to her hair is embarrassing, and overly dry, and would also never last that long.

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Milagros - posted on 06/16/2014

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just keep doing her hair let the bio mom deal with it very nice of you to care n want to see the lil girl looking pretty n combed right i applause you keep doing what u do cUSE YOUR NOTDOING NOTHING WRONG maybe there is a competition problem jealousy be aware

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Ashley - posted on 06/17/2014

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There is a lot of jealousy coming from her! She is always trying to compete with me, and when I do better things with her daughters hair, she gets mad and tells me to never do it again even though I am the one that is doing the right things to it. I am going to continue to do it. IF she cuts her daughters hair off, it shows how crazy she really is and that will be used in court against her! Her daughter has known me for as long as she remembers, and she wants to call me 'mommy Ashley' but her mom tells her that I am not her mother and that she can only call me ASHLEY. I tell her she can call me whatever she wants, because I want her to feel comfortable enough around me to see me as a mother figure.

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