What to do when your nanny is stealing--not from you, but from your friend

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

I've got a complicated situation.

My daughter's nanny has been with us for almost 2 years, and has been great. We really like her, as does my daughter.
She's had quite a lot of financial trouble in the past and has asked us for advances on her salary, which we've always done. This is the only issue we've ever had with her. Other than that she's been, as I said, great.

Fairly recently, I referred her to my friend, and my friend's sister, as they needed extra help. I thought, great, now she's got a full work-load and her financial burdens should ease a bit.

But, my friend and her sister have both started to notice things going missing. They have had no one else in their houses other than friends and family, and they are 99% sure that it's the nanny.

Currently, they've both let her go--made up some excuse--in order to allow me to keep her on (otherwise it would be too awkward if she knew I knew she had been accused of stealing).

As far as I know, she's never stolen from us. Also, I don't have a lot worth stealing. The things that were taken from my friends' houses were expensive jewelry, designer handbags and gift certificates. I have nothing like that in my house.

But what should I do? I fully trust my friend, and to be honest, can see our nanny being capable of this, as I know how bad her financial situation is. My trust in her is shaken. I'm planning on letting her go in a few months anyway, as my daughter is due to start pre-school, but do I just stick it out until then or find someone else in the interim? (not such an easy thing to do)

Another problem is that I'm sure she'll ask for my referral in the future, and I cannot in good conscious do that at this point.

I should say that she's been accused of stealing in the past. Another family she started working for noticed some jewelry missing and let her, and the construction workers working in the house at the time, go. (This is what she told me).

So please, any advice would be greatly welcomed.

3 Comments

View replies by

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/07/2014

13,264

21

2015

Hannah, you are presuming that she's guilty, without giving her the benefit of an explanation. Were I that woman, and I knew that you were retaining me as an employee, but did not actually trust that I was honest, I'd be pissed, hurt, and most likely terminate my employment with you.

If you cannot HONESTLY say that you have not presumed she is guilty, then you're doing her a disservice by continuing to employ her. Regardless of whether or not you have anything 'worth' stealing, if you accept that she's guilty based on the words of your friends, you're not giving her the benefit of explanation. In the US, you're supposed to be innocent until PROVEN guilty...not until your boss's friend says you are...

[deleted account]

Well, I haven't made my decision yet. I know I can't trust her not to steal from me in the future (though as far as I know, she hasn't in the past. And I have very little of value in the house to begin with).
My question is: can I trust her with my kids? At this point I still feel that, yes, I can.
Maybe that is all I need to go by at this point.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/07/2014

13,264

21

2015

Well, you've already made your decision, and presumed she is guilty on the word of your friends. So, rather than string her along by allowing her to continue to believe that you trust her, the adult thing to do would be to be upfront and honest with her.

Because, honestly, unless you can say that you were happy with her until you heard this information, and that you can believe in her and trust her, you are doing her a disservice by keeping her employed in your home.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms