What to do with a 8yr old who never behaves no matter what?

Danielle - posted on 04/14/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Since my daughter was two years old she has hidden food all over the house, colored on walls, took things that did not belong to her even stole from a store, threw fits when she didn't get her way all ur fairly typical stuff for a two year old,but it continues even now. The food thing started with junk Halloween ,parade candy etc. when I put a stop to that being allowed in the house it didn't stop it was whatever she could get her hands on, I have gone from child locks now to key locks on my fridge,pantry,& cabinets. I sleep with the keys under my pillow on fri nights other wise sat morning she helps herself. I have to check her room & bathroom constantly to look for food, she eats all the time mostly she plays with the stuff she hides. Her doc doesn't know why?
But it doesn't stop there she never follows directions, rules any of it we have always had the same rules yet she never follows them, my husband and I just spent $2000 dollars to re paint & replace floor in our bedrooms because of the food, coloring, peeing on floor , poking holes in walls, hiding her bloody tissues from a bloody nose all over.
At school she follows rules never get in trouble but doesn't pay attention or try to do her work correctly, she is failing second grade she has had three tutorers this year who all wonder why she is there cause she is always ahead. She is super sensitive when a classmate looks at her wrong she freaks out getting so worked up she make her self sick & has to come home ,when she doesn't want to do something or is having a bad day she fakes sick makes herself puke or cries so much they send her home & bitch at me for sending her to school sick. Over all she disrupts normal life& cause a lot of issues with in the family. I have constant meeting with school about her grades, & her episodes as they are now called by everyone, seen doctors ran tests for every physical Thing imaginable even they say she does it to her self but no one knows why. Are lives are fairly boring so I don't know what this is about. She has been tested for different learning issues but everything is always fine. I have tried every punishment you can think of over the years but nothing puts a stop to it nothing. Now her four year old brother is parroting her but even he gets in trouble & doesn't do it agin. She talks & acts like a baby a rude baby & is down right distructive when she is mad my house is proof of that financially it is killing us to keep fixing things & it's always big things& to buy food so the rest of us can eat. I have seen therapist the works but everyone claims she is a normal shy but normal healthy seven year old . I just don't get it. I can't work myself or go to school outside home because no one will keep her& if they do I come home to a huge mess. I have tried everything I can think of to figure out why she behaves like this & stop it but no such luck. I finally star college at the end of the month online and I am scarred because if I'm not on top of her I always pay for it later. I'm sorry if this sounds mean its not ment to I love my daughter more than anything in the world but this has got to stop for her sake as well as the rest of the family's . I am hoping by putting this out there someone.Some where will have some advice some answers something I really need it.

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Danielle - posted on 04/15/2012

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Thank you again I will defiantly let you know how things come along, I look forward to keeping in touch thanks for your help:)

Catherine - posted on 04/15/2012

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You're very welcome. You know, If I didn't have 2 older kids that have NO behavior problems, I may have believe it was my fault too but believe me, it's not your fault. I do know when the doctor first diagnosed my daughter with ODD, I said "Aren't all kids oppositional and defiant"??? They explained that yes they are to an extent but kids with ODD take it much much further. There are many people that don't believe that ODD is an actual disorder and give their opinion that it's BS but I have lived it everyday for the past 10 years or so. Just recently, she has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar, something her therapist, school and us have felt she was all along (it runs very heavily on both sides of the family). Let us know how things go for you and your daughter and I will do the same:)

Danielle - posted on 04/15/2012

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Wow, it's not just me I know that sounds bad but you have no idea how many people have said it is just my parenting because I am so young. I knew I wasn't alone but it's nice to validate it so thank you for that. I've heard the same thing she is to young to psychiatrists same exactly I've never herd of odd before but I will look into it defiantly, bi- polar I have thought a lot about my bio dad is bi- polar so I have often wondered but no one believes me they think I'm just a bad mom who can't control their child. I have always felt their was something not quit right about her behavior & just wanted answers to be able to help her so thank you.

Catherine - posted on 04/15/2012

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And if anyone knows of a diet that may help with these issues, bring it on because i'm always looking for more natural ways of helping my daughter, that work.

Catherine - posted on 04/15/2012

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Danielle, you story sounds identical to mine. My daughter is now 11 and she started her defiant behavior before the age of 2. I was always told by friends that it was normal, that it was just the terrible 2's but I always knew it was more. She had no developmental delays. She hit all her milestones on time and she started out doing great academically for the first couple years of school. I was always told that my daughter couldn't be seen by psychiatrist until she was 6 so between the ages of 2-6, we had so much difficulty with her and didn't really know what to do. When she started kindergarten at 6, she started off really well but her defiant behavior just got worse. She was diagnosed at 7 with ADHD & ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). She is now 11 and is being diagnosed with Bi-Polar which runs in both sides of mine and my husbands family. I'm not saying that your daughter definitely has one of these issues but you really need to know so you can help her the best way you can.

Danielle - posted on 04/14/2012

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Thank you, I have been pushing for another referral for sometime , fighting her doc as well as insurance over it. All her doctors say is it's anxiety which does run in my family but I think there is more going on she can be normal & then we have weeks that are not , but the defiance never goes away. The test they have run all come back normal , she always seems tonbe on her best behavior when she goes,so they look at me lik im doing something wrong& focus on that.
I will look into that diet I am a herbalist so i pay close attention to that & agree that some foods make these worse. I only buy organic food , but at school they allow her to eat whatever at parties & snack time even against my wishes because there isn't a doc note & they dont want her to be left out. Not to mention she just takes it anyway. Another fight I constantly have.

Michelle - posted on 04/14/2012

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I think you need to go back to your doctor and get yourself a referal to a really good child psychiatrist. It sounds to me like she might have a mental illness of some kind. Please don't take this as a bad thing once it is diagnosed and a plan is put into place she good be a very normal little girl. Also many foods can make children act weird as well I suggest you read up on the feingold diet. It removes dies and other things from a childs diet and is supposed to help them cope better with life. Keep pushing to see a psychiatrist as your daughter sounds really smart and unfortunately these seem to be the kids who have these types of issues good luck to you and your daughter.

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