What to do with kids not invited to weddings?

Annie - posted on 05/09/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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What should I do w/ my 7 month old who's not invited to my cousin's wedding? I don't feel comfortable leaving her w/ a sitter especially at night, but I want to respect the newly weds' wish to not have children at their wedding. Should I just miss out on my cousin-in-law's wedding?

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Lab123 - posted on 03/20/2014

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To all who do not understand why you must obey the "no kids" rule that happens at some weddings: it is not about you. It really is that simple. I have a 6 month old baby boy who I have only left with a sitter (my wonderful MIL:) twice and I hated it, so trust me, I understand it's difficult to leave kids with a sitter. But it all comes down it the fact that it is NOT about me- it is about celebrating your wonderful family members! Someone on here said they didn't go to a wedding because they're children were not invited... not because they didn't feel comfortable leaving them, but because they're a part of the family and it's all or nothing. To you I say, who in this world raised you? How could you honestly think that the world revolves that much around you? This is someone else's day. As a mother, I know there are some circumstances that are NOT appropriate for children. It's that type of attitude that gives us parents with young children a bad rep. You're the people who let their kids run screaming in the grocery store, aren't you. Because heaven forbid someone else intrude on your children's fun. I'm sorry this is coming out really rude and I'm sure you're a nice person, but seriously? I'm just shocked there are actually people who feel this way and believe they are right. I recommend reading an etiquette book. Heck, you should probably read 5. It does not matter what you think about other people's weddings. You had/maybe will have your turn. You can invited the entire elementary school if you wish. When the bride requests, do it. If you can't afford a babysitter and have no other options then I probably just wouldn't go. However, if you're not going because it's all of us or nothing, oh my heavens YOU are that family! That family member the others can't stand! If you didn't know, it's you! How did you honestly not know? Selfishness.

Melissa - posted on 05/11/2009

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My aunt got married when my oldest was very young and she asked that children not be invited..so I did not go the wedding..My thing is my children are part of my family and if my children are not invited then I am not coming at all

Keisha - posted on 05/11/2009

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Do you have any family members on either side who are not going to this wedding? Find out what your other family members with kids are doing also. If you dont feel comfortable, there's nothing wrong with forgoing the wedding because you dont feel comfortable leaving your child with someone.

I told my guests that it was an adult only affair, because I dont want children running around or crying during the ceremony. Along with our oldest son, I only allowed a few people who were in the wedding party to bring their children and we had a separate room away from the adult reception for them to play in. It was a very elegant evening affair with candles and what not...which was no place for a child.

[deleted account]

when I got married I asked the same thing, please no kids at the supper. The reason was because plate service was really expensive and kids don't eat a lot. but they were invited to the service and than to the dance. But a 7 month old is a little different than a 2 or a 7 year old. Your little girl need to be with you, I'd tell them that she's coming. Just sit in the back row and if she fusses you have a quick getaway.

Chet - posted on 08/02/2014

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I would not go to the wedding if I didn't feel comfortable leaving a 7 month old baby with a sitter.

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Hilary - posted on 08/02/2014

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I would not go, thats that! They have the right to invite who they want, and you have the right not to go.

Breauna - posted on 07/20/2014

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If you do not feel comfortable why go and cause yourself so much worry, I would just sit this one out and be home with baby.

Allison - posted on 07/20/2014

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Just curious, for those of you with extremely large families on both sides of the aisle...would you feel differently if your all or nothing stance meant enduring 100+ kids at a wedding. I don't care how well behaved they are in groups of 10, that many kids under 15 are going to be a mob. Those of you who say - then you need to limit the guest list - ...would you axe your cousins or aunts and uncles too? Would you feel better knowing someone didn't invite you because you had kids? That allows the people doing the inviting to avoid the who kids/no kids argument altogether. Kind of lame though. I'm at the bottom of the grandkids ladder in age. My dad has 4 brothers (20 cousins = 35 little kids); my mom has 6 siblings (35 cousins=42 kids); my fiance is the youngest of 10 (20 kids); my step-mom has 8 siblings (20 kids). That doesn't include our friends. Would your "all or nothing rule" change for me?? Or maybe you would still decline but be a little more gracious and understanding about the "no kids" decision because maybe they really did think it through...

[deleted account]

I just got married April 4th and when people would ask if it was ok to bring their children (of any age) I said "Of course!!! The more the merrier!!!" So that's my personal take on bringing children to weddings. Weddings are meant to be shared with friends and loved ones and who is more loved than children? Anyhow, the only reason I could see maybe not wanting children at a reception is if it involves alcohol or is something really elegant like what Keisha and a few others have said.

As for your cousin's wedding, I would speak to her and ask if it's ok for you to bring your daughter. If she says yes, then great! If for some reason she still says no...me personally? I wouldn't go either.

Charlene - posted on 05/11/2009

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i would think about what my child needs most wether to let her stay somewhere, if she hasnt been away from you before she might not be too comfatable staying in a different house and cot. i don't see why a 7 month old would be any bother im sure she doesnt run around dancing on tables yet lol. hope all goes well.

Sarah - posted on 05/11/2009

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I don't know why some people don't want children at their wedding, I think it's really sad and a little rude to family memebers who do have children and want to go to the wedding but don't feel comfortable leaving their children with a sitter. So ya, I would tell your cousin-in-law that you are bringing your daughter with you, and if she doesn't want you to, just don't go.

Patricia - posted on 05/09/2009

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for my wedding, we had our daughter, and our friends son who was our page boy, we asked for no children but a few people brought them anyway... under 2 years we weren't worried about but a 7 year old broke plates and glasses. I hnestly think if they have a problem with a smalley being there, then its got to be sad...

Nicole - posted on 05/09/2009

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My husband and I have not gone to weddings if our children weren't welcome. I didn't feel bad at all because I was respecting their wishes yet we were happy because we didn't have to leave our children.

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