What to tell toddler about new baby's dad?

Amber - posted on 02/20/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My daughter will be 17 months when the new baby will be born. My toddler was conceived through a date-rape when I was 20. I was in a relationship that ended a week after finding out I was pregnant this time. I left him after finding something out about him and that pretty much everything he has ever told me was a lie. mistakes happen but now im pregnant again. We were only together for 2.5 months. During that time my toddler got attached to him and liked him. But due to what I know about him now I am not talking to him until after the baby's birth and I don't know if its right for him to pretend to be my daughters dad, because hes unreliable and I don't want him to break her heart. I didn't want it to confuse her. I know once the baby is born the father will come over for visitation, and eventually be able to take the child overnights. I'm for one worried that my daughter will remember him. she was only 8 months old and hasn't seen him since she was about 11 months. do you think a child that young will remember someone from 8 months ago? and for two what do I say or do when the father comes to visit his baby. Do I explain who he is to her, will she be jealous, how should I go about this? I want whats best for both children. I'm hopeful one day when im ready ill find a good guy that'll be a father figure to my daughter but until then I don't want my daughter to be confused or jealous. :( any suggestions or help.

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Lesly - posted on 02/20/2014

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well im not an expert and my me and my husband been always together and our 3 children are ours but my dad lives in Colorado and I live in Florida he comes and goes sometimes for more than 8 months when my kids were about the ages of yours they I noticed that they didn't really remember him they will be scare because he was a stranger to them but since he stays whit us for one or two months they get used to him but then he leaves again but now 2 of my kids are old enough to know who is who so they don't act like that any more only the lil one because he stills young I will say don't worry about it to much if he is only going to pick the baby up don't have him talk to your daughter as much than when she gets older I say 3 she will understand if u explain to her who is he and why he pick her lil brother or sister up she will understand but I hope this help you a little bit and good luck have faith in our Heavenly Father and prey so you can have some peace and know that you are not alone he protect his daughters !!!!!

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