what would you do if you found out the father of your child is cheating on you....

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Maria - posted on 12/26/2009

2

1

1

If I found out he was cheating, I would calmly approach him and ask him what was the reason for the infidelity? Then I would ask him if he is sure that he wanted to be with someone else? Depends on his answer, I would talk to him about continuing to be in his child's life, continue to support the cchild financially, and i would keep it moving.

Tiffany - posted on 12/26/2009

327

39

37

First, I am sorry you are going through this.



Now, my opinion. If my children's father were cheating on me I would leave him in a heartbeat and never look back. Affairs don't just happen, we all have temptations but acting on them is completely up to the tempted. Some people are able to forgive and forget but not me. Life is too short and I have learned along the way that no matter how sorry someone is for their actions they tend to repeat them. Once a cheater always a cheater and if they do change their cheating ways it won't be with me...lol

C. - posted on 12/26/2009

4,125

35

242

Quoting Tiffany:



Quoting Christina:

To all of the women that say to just leave.. People wonder why divorce rates are so high!!! People need to try working through things, you can't just give up w/o trying! Yes, they made a HUGE mistake.. I've been through it.. But at the same time, if he is truly sorry about what he has done, giving another chance and not giving up on your spouse can make you a stronger couple. Now, with that said, if he does it again.. He should get kicked to the curb. You can't just give up after one mistake. No one is perfect. If you made a huge mistake, you wouldn't want your spouse to leave you right away (if it's the first offense, anything more and they deserve to be left).. When I found out my husband was emailing girls and looking at porn (and yes, I do consider that cheating b/c he is looking at other women), but I automatically told him I wanted a divorce. He confided in me that he has had a problem and didn't know how to tell me. He kept begging me to not give up on him. I would not have been able to live with myself if I didn't even give him a second chance.





 






Divorce rates are not high because people choose not to stay in bad situations, the divorce rate is high because the sanctity of marriage is not taken seriously anymore. And I disagree, not everyone deserves a second chance. No, I do not want to be branded by the mistakes I have made but cheating is one of those things that is a HUGE mistake, not just a little slip up. My intimate relationship with my hunny is so special because I know it is just between the two of us, there is such a comfort in exploring with him and knowing that he touches no one else like he does me. If he were to betray that trust that would rock me to the core and there is no way I could or would forgive him. Saying I'm sorry to something like this just doesn't mean much. Of course that is how I feel. I know there are some that choose to forgive and maybe a couple of cheaters that might change and that is wonderful for them. But the point I was trying to make is that none of us are guarenteed second chances or tomorrows for that matter. That is why we have a brain to contemplate the outcomes and make a decision on the things we do or do not do.




Oh good grief.. Yes, the sanctity of marriage is not taken seriously anymore AND THE FACT THAT EVERYONE EXPECTS THEIR SPOUSE TO BE PERFECT.. Everyone makes mistakes. And it isn't a dangerous situation, just not ideal.



I know this, Tiffany.. I explained in my posts what happened with my marriage.. Granted he never actually went out and did anything with anyone, but the porn and emails hurt just the same as if he had. My point was that she should give him a second chance and if he makes that mistake again, it's over. The reason being b/c how do you know it won't work out unless you have given someone a chance to redeem themselves? Of course it is a HUGE mistake, but if you love the person and you know they love you and THEY KNOW that they made a huge mistake and are truly sorry for that (and I'm not just talking about saying sorry.. They have to PROVE they are sorry), then it is worth the repair in your marriage. Too many people run and get a divorce instead of putting the much needed work into their marriage.. Guess what? Marriages aren't perfect and no one will ALWAYS be happy.. You have to work long and hard at your marriage day in and day out. Like I said, if he does it again, she should leave him, but there is no harm in her giving him another chance, as long as she lays out the consequences in front of him so he knows what's to come should he ever do that again.

Heather - posted on 12/26/2009

32

16

2

I stayed for the sake of the children the first time. I was pregnant with my first when I found out from a friend. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, etc... Things were better for a while and he did a good job covering up his affairs with other women for years!! Now I have two kids and a nasty vindictive divorce situation where I am at a tremendous disadvantage. Once a cheater, Always a cheater! And no, it's not your fault. It's a decision HE made. Now you need to show your child that it's NOT okay to be treated this way. Only you can decide what you want to do. Your child will have a relationship with the both of you no matter what happens. Your decision can't be based on what is best for your child - it has to be what's best for you! Besides - just because he's a cheater, doesn't mean he can't be a good parent in a separate household. Some men actually do a better job of being a father when they are made to think about it.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

33 Comments

View replies by

Tiffany Lynn - posted on 12/06/2013

4

0

0

Cheating on a spouse or significant other is never ok period. Once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better!

Ashley - posted on 12/26/2009

18

24

2

well the father of my baby was all for it until i told him i was going to keep it then he didnt want anything to do with him. i was so lucky to find someone that wanted to be with me and help with the baby, but cheating or not a baby need there daddy even if you chose not to stay with him at least try to work out seeing arangments. but a child really doenst need to be arounf a parent that is going to cause trouble in there life

Glenna - posted on 12/26/2009

1

0

0

Do you want a man who has dishonored you and your child? If he is a good father to your child then I suggest you focus on building the relationship between child and father. This is difficult if you still care about him but the person who is important here is your child and his/her relationship with the father. I am of the opinion that there is more going on here. If you want this relationship to work with the father, then you should both look into couseling. All the best to you.

Carrol - posted on 12/26/2009

4

0

0

a mentally healthy individual is one who recognizes when a relationship is detrimental and run while you can.This decision sholud be based on factual evidence.thorough evaluation must be done on root cause of the problem.How this affects each individual on a whole in the family.What are the possible solutions and how these solutions affects each member of the family.Sometime running is the easiest solution but not always the best.each individual deserve a second chance to prove himself.Humans most time learn from there mistakes.Girl i will recomend some strong counselling so both of you can decide what you want in this relationship.children is a skimpy excuse that people use to stay in relationship.A man does not need tobe a husband to be a good supportive father.THE DECISION IS UPTO YOU.EACH FAMILY IS DIFFERENT.Please look at the situation from both angle .Children are very smart these days.Respect and self worth can be thought in many ways than staying or leaving a relationship.Good luck.hope you make the right decision.

Kacy - posted on 12/26/2009

64

11

3

Any relationship is based on trust. Bottom line, do you trust him? I wouldn't.
Good luck to you.

Tiffany - posted on 12/26/2009

327

39

37

Quoting Christina:

To all of the women that say to just leave.. People wonder why divorce rates are so high!!! People need to try working through things, you can't just give up w/o trying! Yes, they made a HUGE mistake.. I've been through it.. But at the same time, if he is truly sorry about what he has done, giving another chance and not giving up on your spouse can make you a stronger couple. Now, with that said, if he does it again.. He should get kicked to the curb. You can't just give up after one mistake. No one is perfect. If you made a huge mistake, you wouldn't want your spouse to leave you right away (if it's the first offense, anything more and they deserve to be left).. When I found out my husband was emailing girls and looking at porn (and yes, I do consider that cheating b/c he is looking at other women), but I automatically told him I wanted a divorce. He confided in me that he has had a problem and didn't know how to tell me. He kept begging me to not give up on him. I would not have been able to live with myself if I didn't even give him a second chance.


 



Divorce rates are not high because people choose not to stay in bad situations, the divorce rate is high because the sanctity of marriage is not taken seriously anymore. And I disagree, not everyone deserves a second chance. No, I do not want to be branded by the mistakes I have made but cheating is one of those things that is a HUGE mistake, not just a little slip up. My intimate relationship with my hunny is so special because I know it is just between the two of us, there is such a comfort in exploring with him and knowing that he touches no one else like he does me. If he were to betray that trust that would rock me to the core and there is no way I could or would forgive him. Saying I'm sorry to something like this just doesn't mean much. Of course that is how I feel. I know there are some that choose to forgive and maybe a couple of cheaters that might change and that is wonderful for them. But the point I was trying to make is that none of us are guarenteed second chances or tomorrows for that matter. That is why we have a brain to contemplate the outcomes and make a decision on the things we do or do not do.

Angie - posted on 12/26/2009

2,621

0

407

What a tough position for you to be in. Is he willing to go to counseling to stop this behavior? I agree that you should try to work things out but one person cannot save a marriage - it takes two. If you are both willing to work through it, you should do that, not for your children but for yourselves. If the behavior continues, you need to divorce for the sake of the children.

C. - posted on 12/26/2009

4,125

35

242

To all of the women that say to just leave.. People wonder why divorce rates are so high!!! People need to try working through things, you can't just give up w/o trying! Yes, they made a HUGE mistake.. I've been through it.. But at the same time, if he is truly sorry about what he has done, giving another chance and not giving up on your spouse can make you a stronger couple. Now, with that said, if he does it again.. He should get kicked to the curb. You can't just give up after one mistake. No one is perfect. If you made a huge mistake, you wouldn't want your spouse to leave you right away (if it's the first offense, anything more and they deserve to be left).. When I found out my husband was emailing girls and looking at porn (and yes, I do consider that cheating b/c he is looking at other women), but I automatically told him I wanted a divorce. He confided in me that he has had a problem and didn't know how to tell me. He kept begging me to not give up on him. I would not have been able to live with myself if I didn't even give him a second chance.

C. - posted on 12/26/2009

4,125

35

242

Going through something like that.. It's hard, but I think it's good to try and stick it out. Try to work through this, it will make you stronger as a couple. My husband is deployed right now, but I can tell he is trying to do better. And the whole, Once a cheater, always a cheater thing?? Well, it's not true. Sure there are guys that will always seem to cheat, but just b/c someone messed up, doesn't mean they are apt to do it again. Think about this, How would you like to be branded with the mistake that you made? Give him another chance. Don't stay together for your children, but try to work it out. If he does it again after you gave him a second chance, LEAVE. If he's "learned his lesson" and went back to his old ways, chances are that he will never learn. Good luck to you sweetie!

[deleted account]

it is personally up to you on what you do. No one can tell you what to do because they do not know your situation or your relationship.

Kristen - posted on 12/25/2009

30

14

1

A Child is NOOOO reason to stay with someone. That never turns out good in any way for anyone. Dump him just like you would any other cheater.

User - posted on 12/25/2009

22

21

1

the father of my first child was cheating on me the whole time I was pregnant, I didnt believe it. When I was in the hospital having my daughter he was with another person, that ws it. I told him he could come see the baby if he was sober and between 8am and 8pm.I was 13 years old! I stuck to my guns my baby was moor important than some asshole guy

Tia - posted on 12/25/2009

9

7

0

Dont feel bad I have two boys and my Husband cheated on me with some girl and got her knocked up what do you do about that?

Lise - posted on 12/25/2009

1,738

8

237

Quoting Lisa :

Leave his sorry ass!!!


I second that!  No man is better than a cheating man.

Tiffany - posted on 12/25/2009

9

18

0

Divorce him! No questions asked......that way your child can and will respect you later on in life.

Linda - posted on 12/25/2009

1

5

0

You need evaluate your situation. See if there is anything that you are contributing that is occuring. How do you know he did? Did he admit it did you see it with your own two eyes? I have been a single mom; I have been a married mom; and am a single mom once again. I have been divorced for 6 years now and it is a continues to be a healing process today. You need to ask yourself if you decide to leave...Have I did EVERYTHING within my power to fix this? After all you are the one that has to look in the mirror 10 20 30 40 50+ years from now and live with what your decision will be. There is no easy answer and just becasuse someone says they have been there NO 2 SITUATIONS are the same! Good luck girl and I will pray for you.

[deleted account]

Depends on the situation...however I wouldnt stay just because we have kids together (seen how badly this works out almost without exception). Only thing I can say is to do what you honestly believe is in the best intrests of you and your children. Good Luck to you

Jalisha - posted on 12/23/2009

2

13

0

Thank you ladies... All of you have been more than helpful to me and my situation... I really appreciate it.. =)

Laurel - posted on 11/29/2009

53

19

4

My husband has never cheated, but I have been the child of an unfaithful parent and parents that stay together because of the kids. Do not stay together because of the kids. I was so happy when my parents told us that they were going to get a divorce the first time because it was evident that they did not belong together. Then they got back with each other for our sake. What B.S. is how I see it now. The parent that didn't cheat likes to throw that one up when ever there is a chance. It's old. I did not ask to be born and I did not ask for them to stay together. I hated the fights and accusations that were present from the time I was probably about four till seventeen. And the divorce didn't end the fighting because it continues to this day. I know that it hurts and it makes you question yourself as well as hate him for not knowing how he should treat you because you are the mother of his child and a woman that he was with before then, but there is someone out there that is willing to treat you better. That person may even be you. Don't be afraid to be by yourself because that's better than being with the wrong person, even if it is for noble reasons. Though my spouse hasn't cheated, we have had moments where I had to seriously consider being a single mother. I was angry at him and hurt, but I knew that I could not voice those feelings in front of our children or prevent them from having a relationship with him. I want them to find out what type of man he is on their own. That is the advice I give to my single girlfriends regularly because you look like you aren't ready to move on if you've got to downtalk the man you laid down with to make this child. Also, that child sees it as half of him is bad, not that his daddy is bad. Just be adult about it and determine what you want from life. You have controll even though it may be tuff from this point on. Good luck and I'm hoping it works out for you and your children.

Carrie - posted on 11/29/2009

11

8

1

I am sorry to hear this is going on in your life. However, I have seen both sides of the coin. On one hand you feel you want to stay together for the sake of the " kids" involved. Then on the other side you have this awful uncomfortable, unhealthy, constantly fighting, constantly asking questions, mis trust, crying non stop relationship. At what point do you pull yourself up by the boot straps and gain back your sanity & self wroth? What your child and children DO deserve are two parents who are in their lives and play very active roles in their lives. Whether that means you live in the same house or under two different roofs is completely up to the parents not the kids. Also, the kids can and will feel the grinding and tension between you as hard as you try not to fight in front of them. My advice... try marriage counseling, family counseling, if all else fails ...and the trust and love is gone.... respect one another enough to be civil and be active parents in your childs life. Good Luck!

Crystal - posted on 11/29/2009

94

17

8

Im going thru the same ish right now! Im a first time mom & there's nothing i want more then my baby to have both his parents under the same roof! But fairy tales are for make believe! Before I would of said saliva in a hart beat but when a child is involved so many other things weigh in! But the other mom is rite once a cheater always a cheater! I look @ it this way if u stay ur teaching ur daughter it’s ok to betaken for granted and her self-worth compromised! & if u leave ur teaching her how to respect herself she will kno how to have a healthier relationship when she grows up!! Not to mention you will become stronger more independent & in the long run u will be better off, when he’s setting thur full of regrets & when the time comes when ur gurl is old enough to ask why u guy’s aren’t together & understand she will have that much more respect for u! Good luck it’s hard but don’t lose faith god has a plan for all of us! Not to mention karma is a beep

Michelle - posted on 11/29/2009

50

47

5

honestly, once a cheater always a cheater! Well thats what I believe in, Im so sorry to hear this if its happening to you. You will be the best mother you can be with or without your partner there.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms