What would you do if you knew you were pregnant with a disabled kid?

Leslie - posted on 09/12/2012 ( 16 moms have responded )

8

0

0

I'm pregnant and scared. I have three kids that are autistic. I'm so afraid that my forth baby will be autistic too. I'm thinking about having an abortion. I don't want to bring another autistic kid into the world. I'm really sad. What would you guys do if you were in my situation? PLEASE HELP!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jen - posted on 09/14/2012

34

33

1

Where are you? I think all state have some form of early intervention, for kids who are under age 3. If your son is speech delayed and exhibits other symptons like hand flapping, even though they won't diagnose autism yet, they can help him with things like speech and occupational therapy.

You can start here if you're in the US - http://www.nectac.org/contact/ptccoord.a...

Find your state and see who you can contact. Best luck with whatever path you take!

Jodi - posted on 09/14/2012

3,561

36

3907

You haven't had your kids actually formally diagnosed yet? I think at the very least you should do this before you go around labelling them as autistic. Your 7 year olds don't sound like they are autistic. Come one, have a hard time making friends? That is hardly grounds for suspecting autism. You are deciding to abort a baby even though you have NEVER had your children ACTUALLY diagnosed with autism?

16 Comments

View replies by

Danae - posted on 12/08/2012

23

0

3

First off, a two year-old not talking yet and hand-flapping isn't grounds for autism. That's pretty normal for younger siblings to have more of a delay in speech. I'm the third girl of four and I didn't start talking until I was nearly three and a half. I have nothing abnormal about me. So, I wouldn't be worried about your son. Also, my younger brother was diagnosed with autism at age 6. Not all school systems truly understand and can correctly detect autism in children. Some school systems are better than others depending on the people they have working there and how familiar those people are with autism.

I truly believe you should not abort this baby. if you're afraid you won't be able o handle the child, look into adoption options. I also know there are many couples out there purposefully looking for special needs babies/children to adopt. You REALLY need to weigh your options. Special needs children are not burdens, they simple require a bit more work. =]

Jen - posted on 09/15/2012

1

0

0

How has your nutrition been during your pregnancies? A large portion of certain disabilities are created because of poor diet (not enough fat, vitamins, minerals, etc). If you want to keep the child, consider eating a very nutrient dense diet (consider the Weston A. Price model) and lay off the sugar, caffeine, pharmaceuticals.

Lacye - posted on 09/15/2012

889

0

221

1. You don't know for a fact if your kids are autistic so I would not use that as an excuse to get an abortion. Nor would I tell people my kids are autistic when they have not been formally diagnosed.



2. It does not sound like your daughters are autistic, just a little shy. You can want to be around people and still be shy at the same time.



3. As for your son, my daughter is 3 years old and only says a handful of words. She mostly points when she wants something. When I addressed her doctor about that, she said absolutely NOTHING about autism, even though it does run in my family. All they said was they wanted to have her hearing checked and then they will set up a speech therapist for her.



I think you might be over reacting a little bit on this whole autism thing. I'm not a doctor, but I don't think there is anything wrong with your kids. they are just being normal kids. That's all. Now I'm not saying I could be wrong (it has been known to happen) but before you decide to terminate this pregnancy, you might want to have your daughters actually tested before you try to use them being autistic to have an abortion.



Oh and by the way, the risk of girls having autism is extremely low. It is rare to find a girl with autism.



As for the original question:



No. If I had 4 kids and they were autistic, I would not have an abortion to keep from having another autistic child. It would have to be something more serious than that in order for me to make that decision. Other than something major, abortion is NOT an option for me.

Lorena - posted on 09/15/2012

11

0

0

Hi, Leslie first thing im not here to judge u if your kids are Autistic or not im not a DR. or specialist because bottom line u feel in you you cant handle a forth. Im 24 years old & pregnet with my forth baby two girls non-Autistic & my son with Autism & my fourth wasnt planned just happen never the less I was told by my sons Dr. you cant actually determine or know weather your baby is going to be Autistic until they're born, he did say my chance of having a boy with Autism are higher cause of my son both still 50/50 & chance of having a girl are lower cause i have two without. Bottom line i still ask are you 100% that your forth will be Autistic & even if he or she is IN MY opinion i feel every baby should have a chance at this world & if u feel in you you cant handle a forth maybe u want to consider adoption. Also u might consider that if u dont feel u cant handle a 4th if u have this baby or not u should consider what u will do after like birth control or tube tieing.

Like i said this is my opinion but hopefully u deciede to keep your baby or give him up for adoption. who knows maybe if u do one day u will see him or her & see what a great woman or man they become regardless if they're are Autistic & you'll feel happy u gave them a chance. =)

regardless of what u do wish u the Best for you & god bless you & you lil ones =)

Firebird - posted on 09/14/2012

2,660

30

521

Funny, no one at my kid's school knows a damn thing about Autism, I certainly wouldn't be trusting their opinion. Stop calling your kids Autistic until they get diagnosed. My 7 year old daughter is Autistic and she has lots of friends, so bang goes that theory. If that's all they've got, it isn't nearly enough. Look up Autism and see what it really is. If your daughters are each displaying 6 or more symptoms, have them properly assessed by PROFESSIONALS.



Hell, I'm not Autistic, not even close, and at 27 years old, I still have trouble making friends. I'm just an introvert. Did you know that sometimes, if twins aren't properly socialized at an early age, they may not learn how to make friends with other people until much later in life. Not a good idea to label them until you've ruled out other causes.



As for your original question, it's up to you whether or not you get an abortion. Our opinions don't matter. If you can't handle 4 kids, Autistic or not, then don't have 4 kids. The choice is yours, and you have to choose what you feel is best for your family.

Sherri - posted on 09/14/2012

9,593

15

391

Sorry Leslie but I do have to agree with Jodi on this one. You made it sound like you already knew that you had already had 3 autistic kids. Not that they may be and you had not formally gone through the process to have them evaluated yet. If they are truly autistic what are you waiting for? You are only hurting them in the long run by delaying a diagnosis.

Jodi - posted on 09/14/2012

3,561

36

3907

Oh, and just for the record, if you want to choose to abort, that is your choice, but don't use your 3 autistic children as an excuse. Tell us you can't cope with the 3 you have, fine, but going around calling your kids autistic when you have never had them diagnosed (and believe me, with your 7 year olds, it would have been picked up in the school system before now) using that as an excuse to abort, that's just wrong.

Jodi - posted on 09/14/2012

3,561

36

3907

What about your 7 year olds though? STOP LABELLING YOUR KIDS! Sorry, but you can't go around calling them autistic unless you have a diagnosis. And they do NOT sound autistic from what you have provided. You came to this site telling us you have 3 autistic kids, but you are only going through the process with one. You are basing the decision to abort on no diagnosis on ANY of them.

Leslie - posted on 09/14/2012

8

0

0

This is all brand new to me. My son is too young to get diagnosed. We are currently getting help through the Regional Center. The RC told us to wait till he turned 3 years old.

Leslie - posted on 09/14/2012

8

0

0

thanks for your feedback. I have identical twin girls that are 7 years old. Their school told us that they believe they are both autistic (high functioning). The school says they have a hard time making friends. My daughters are both smart and act like normal kids. They both talk nonstop and love to be around kids/people. I know for a fact that they will live a normal life. :)



My son is 2 years old. He's not communicating verbally. He only says mama and dada. He flaps his hands all day, especially when he's excited. I want him to talk and stop flapping his hands. He's a cute and happy kid. I just don't know what the future holds for him. I hope things get better!

[deleted account]

i would probably decide to get an abortion. it is very difficult raising 1 special needs child, let alone 4, not to mention the cost associated with that. i;ve done work in group homes for kids with brain based disabilities and most of the kids had parents who really loved their kids but were unable to provide enough support for their kids, financially or otherwise. you also have your other 3 children to think about and if you could continue to meet their needs if you did have anotehr child with autism

Leslie - posted on 09/12/2012

8

0

0

thanks for responding. This is a very hard decision for me. I keep going back and forth. I feel selfish having an abortion because I'm terminating a baby but at the same time, I don't know how I would handle another one. I hope I make the right decision.

Sherri - posted on 09/12/2012

9,593

15

391

Yikes without knowing 100% I don't think I would abort but if I knew 100% that they had some kind of disability yes I would make the heart wrenching decision to abort. I have 4 other kids that I have to consider first and foremost.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms