What would you do if your child had been kept from you by the other parent?

Anita - posted on 02/06/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

4

25

0

if you had a child whom you were with from birth, was there to raise him for over three years, and suddenly a separation occurs, and with no reason other than selfishness, the father decides that you aren't going to ever see him again.? I understand things are hard and separation is hard and lots of feelings consume you. But if you have never beaten them, loved them with all you had, but temporarily had to ask the other to help because YOU were the one that had to find a new job, new home, new everything, and still try to take care of not just that one child, but two others as well. I have begged, pleaded, offered everything I made, even swallowed my pride about how or why it happened, ( the divorce) and he willnot let me see him.. At all. It has been years now and because there was no custody order, I can't get any help from the law. What should I do? I need him. It is going on 5 yrs since I saw my son. I didn't even know if he was dead or alive at first, but then I find out where he is, and he moves. I know I have made mistakes, but my boys have always been everything to me. I may not be able to give them a mansion, buy the most expensive clothes, or even offer more than my heart, my love, my trust, my home. But why is there nothing anyone can do? I can hire an attorney for more money than I will be able to save, and then be told that If i really cared, I would do something about it! This is not fair! I have tried to do the legal thing, but no one will help me because I am a Good person who tried to take care of myself. If I were on wellfare, I could get help. I mat could use the help at times, but would never go that route b/c there are those who really need it more than me. So...here I am. Crying all night every night, for over 5 yrs, nightmares, I can't even look at a little 4 yr old boy without losing my mind b/c he reminds me of my son. I know my son is now 10, about to be 11, and has been told I left him, I hate him, and that it is all my fault! How do you fix that after it has been burned into their little brains. I know no one wins when a couple splits, but why is it always the children who get hurt? It isn't theor fault, they love both parents, and should never be used as a way to get even. I need someone to save me and my family before its too late. My son has to know that we are still here, waiting for him to come home, and I will never give up hope. I can't go to him and tell him that it was his dads fault, I can't say his prayers with him anymore at night, even though I do for him, I can't tuck him in at night anymore, and I can't whisper Amazing grace into his ears to sing him to sleep. I have only God to help me, and it has been so long now, that No court will ever help make it right. I am sorry, i just need to get this out. I have been trying to hold it in for years, but I cannot pretend anymore that I am absolutely, not broken. I am. I have my other twp beautiful boys, and I love them just as much, but there is a big hole in my soul that can't be filled or fixed. I need an option, that is legal, and that won't cause any more damage psychologically than has already been done. I have done bad things, but I never deserved to have my son taken without any more reason than to hurt me. What about his brothers? What about his family that loves and misses him? What about Reese? Do they not care what they are doing to him inside? Do they not think that he hurts too? Or does that matter? No! All that matters is that the ex has control, and it doesn't matter who gets hurt, including his son! All that matters is this was the only way he could hurt me, so he decided to compromise our sons entire life by creating a wall based on nothing but selfishness and told him lies to make himself look like the good guy. I never thought he would do this. NEVER! I guess it goes to show you, that never trust anyone, never ask for help, b/c you won't get it...and never think that good always wins, because it doesn't. I have never hurt ANYONE intentionally in my life! I can't wrap my mind around such cold hardheartedness If I thought he was like that,, i would have never considerd him my bf.. Please pray that God will help them see what they are doing is wrong, and it will only destroy our son and his ability to love, trust, and feel cared for. I love you Reese. I will never stop fighting for you!

6 Comments

View replies by

Margarette - posted on 12/27/2013

1

0

0

I see that this post was made in 2010. I would very much like to know how this story ended as I hear of more and more of these kinds of situations and I am in a similar one myself. Trusting this situation found healing. Would appreciate knowing. Thanks.

Heather - posted on 02/06/2010

1

5

0

The only thing I can suggest is go to your county's courthouse and file for a divorce, once that is done file a custody/visitation order. Because irreguardless as long as you show that you have been trying to locate him the judge will b on your side. I am in a similar situation. I was never married. But I had a child with a man, and b/c of his drug problem and using me as a punching bag I chose to leave him. We had a daugther and I took her with me. At first he would see her for a little while then would not come to visit her.We has a child support order but he never paid but maybe once a year. That was 12 years ago. He has not been in her life since. Last year he filed legitimation papers and wanted to see her. The judge said we had to mutually agree on visitation. In a years time he came to see her twice. He tried calling but she would not speak to him. And I wasnt going to make her. My daughter is a very intellegent child, and I let her make the discission whether to talk with him or not . She chose not. This January we went back to court b/c he was trying to say I was in violation of the court order. The judge saw I was not in contempt. But the bad thing is even though my daughter wants nothing to do with her bio father, the judge is making her talk to him and see him. I have supported my daughter for the past 12 years and the judge is giving her father everything he wants. But no paying attention to the fact that no matter how rough things got I was always there. Now the only Daddy she has had for the past 5 years can not be around during visitation and she is not to refer to him as her daddy. Life is unfair. And I hope and pray that you can get some kind of resolution out of this situation.

Anita - posted on 02/06/2010

4

25

0

I am not wealthy enough. I don't use wellfare becasue I can pay my bills and for my boys, but that is IT! I can't afford thousands down and even more before I can even got o court. And belive me. At first, I thought of the bat, but then I realized I would never be able to look my children in the eyes ever again if I did something like that. My past, well I meant the divorce, anything stupid that karma may have brought back to me. I never abandoned my boys, never hurt them, no drugs, no drinking,well a couple of times but only socially and usually he was with me except at the end. I actuall had issues with him because I thought he was too strict. ( Military life, I guess.0. I have tried the legal system ,and in SC, where I live, if there is no custody order in place at the time he took him, then there is absolutely nothing they can do to make him bring him to see me. Now, I get told I waited too long and no judge would help me now. I only waited so long, b/c for half the time, I had NO idea where he was. He had the number disconnected, traded cars, moved so many times, etc. I don't even have my divorce yet, but he is remarried. I don't care about that except he just left me out here like it never happened, He even told me that once...I made it all up! lol. Right. you can do that with a dad, maybe, but not a mom.

Anita - posted on 02/06/2010

4

25

0

Its ok. I have been trying to make myself get better over time, but honestly, I think I'm getting worse. I have missed out on so much! I just want God to not punish them, but to touch their hearts, help them see that they are causing more harm than good. and let me try to fix what has been done. It isn't fair for them to make him hate me just because I thought the marriage had seen to many bridged burned to try to fix what was left. We did try, but too much had been said. even though most was out of anger, it was still too late. He also has a good wife now, who loves him unconditionally. If i would've stayed, he wouldn't have her. But she tries to call me and keep me posted, but she can't tell the dad. But this just started happening the last little while. I just don't understand how its all my fault, I'm the bad guy, and I'm the one who gets hurt. Over and over again. I understand when parents are abusive, drug addicts, alcoholics, but not when both parents do the best they can, and would never hurt them. His dad knows that, but he won't tell anyone that. He says I did all kinds of things, but the only person who ever hurt them, well, it wasn't me or my family. That is for sure. His brothers love and miss him too. How do you just take a child form all they have ever known, tell themit was all wrong, and then try to persuade that child to hate the one thing God gives to all children, their mother. he will never get to know how I feel that it was all wrong, and that I spent everyday for years trying to find him and work it out so he could love everyone. I can't stand this. I need a miracle. Thank you for your prayers. Mat God bless you and every breath you take.

[deleted account]

Not sure if your asking a question or just wanting to vent....your only option is the justice system, where do you live? Get out the yellow/white pages,search the internet, email,call, harrass whoever will answer or listen....Feeling guilty about your past, isnt doing anything to change the situation. He has no more right to your son than you! I wouldnt rest until I found someone to meet him(yourex) in a dark alley with a baseball bat or a lawyer that can help you find answers.If your against welfare because you are comfortable enough financially, you can find attorneys that will work with you ...I wish you the best.....

[deleted account]

Wow! Prayers for you guys!! Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say and I'm afraid anything I tried to say would make you feel worse which is not what I want. :(

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms