Anita - posted on 02/06/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )
if you had a child whom you were with from birth, was there to raise him for over three years, and suddenly a separation occurs, and with no reason other than selfishness, the father decides that you aren't going to ever see him again.? I understand things are hard and separation is hard and lots of feelings consume you. But if you have never beaten them, loved them with all you had, but temporarily had to ask the other to help because YOU were the one that had to find a new job, new home, new everything, and still try to take care of not just that one child, but two others as well. I have begged, pleaded, offered everything I made, even swallowed my pride about how or why it happened, ( the divorce) and he willnot let me see him.. At all. It has been years now and because there was no custody order, I can't get any help from the law. What should I do? I need him. It is going on 5 yrs since I saw my son. I didn't even know if he was dead or alive at first, but then I find out where he is, and he moves. I know I have made mistakes, but my boys have always been everything to me. I may not be able to give them a mansion, buy the most expensive clothes, or even offer more than my heart, my love, my trust, my home. But why is there nothing anyone can do? I can hire an attorney for more money than I will be able to save, and then be told that If i really cared, I would do something about it! This is not fair! I have tried to do the legal thing, but no one will help me because I am a Good person who tried to take care of myself. If I were on wellfare, I could get help. I mat could use the help at times, but would never go that route b/c there are those who really need it more than me. So...here I am. Crying all night every night, for over 5 yrs, nightmares, I can't even look at a little 4 yr old boy without losing my mind b/c he reminds me of my son. I know my son is now 10, about to be 11, and has been told I left him, I hate him, and that it is all my fault! How do you fix that after it has been burned into their little brains. I know no one wins when a couple splits, but why is it always the children who get hurt? It isn't theor fault, they love both parents, and should never be used as a way to get even. I need someone to save me and my family before its too late. My son has to know that we are still here, waiting for him to come home, and I will never give up hope. I can't go to him and tell him that it was his dads fault, I can't say his prayers with him anymore at night, even though I do for him, I can't tuck him in at night anymore, and I can't whisper Amazing grace into his ears to sing him to sleep. I have only God to help me, and it has been so long now, that No court will ever help make it right. I am sorry, i just need to get this out. I have been trying to hold it in for years, but I cannot pretend anymore that I am absolutely, not broken. I am. I have my other twp beautiful boys, and I love them just as much, but there is a big hole in my soul that can't be filled or fixed. I need an option, that is legal, and that won't cause any more damage psychologically than has already been done. I have done bad things, but I never deserved to have my son taken without any more reason than to hurt me. What about his brothers? What about his family that loves and misses him? What about Reese? Do they not care what they are doing to him inside? Do they not think that he hurts too? Or does that matter? No! All that matters is that the ex has control, and it doesn't matter who gets hurt, including his son! All that matters is this was the only way he could hurt me, so he decided to compromise our sons entire life by creating a wall based on nothing but selfishness and told him lies to make himself look like the good guy. I never thought he would do this. NEVER! I guess it goes to show you, that never trust anyone, never ask for help, b/c you won't get it...and never think that good always wins, because it doesn't. I have never hurt ANYONE intentionally in my life! I can't wrap my mind around such cold hardheartedness If I thought he was like that,, i would have never considerd him my bf.. Please pray that God will help them see what they are doing is wrong, and it will only destroy our son and his ability to love, trust, and feel cared for. I love you Reese. I will never stop fighting for you!