Melissa - posted on 08/31/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )
Hello . I am a 24 year old single mother of a 4 year old.
I live in Ontario and am generally unhappy with my living situation. I do not have trustworthy friends where I live and the city I live in is mostly welfare people and I am on disability myself for mental health issues like anxiety, adult ADHD, depression and more.
My child's father has been in and out of the picture the past 4 years. He generally puts me down and manipulates but we always try to forgive and forget so he can be in her life. It's been a cycle of things going well and him coming around, to us not talking because usually I am the one uncomfortable around him and I tell him what I don't like about him.
I feel I can be mean and irrational and should put some of my dislikes aside for the better of my daughter so she can have her father. I don't want to keep him away because I may be a bitter person.
He has hit me once in front of our daughter out of anger because I was sleeping with someone in my apartment while she was in her room sleeping. I was crying and said I wanted to kill myself but I put the knife down and he started hitting me and calling me names. So maybe it was validated what he did because I was also acting inappropriate in front of her too.
He hasn't hit me since. It took me almost a year to feel comfortable to let him try to see our daughter again. Now, every other weekend he takes a very long bus ride down to our city to see her for the weekend and suggests we should work on communicating (my depression makes me indecisive about whether I want him around or not which is hard on him) and living closer together.
He still makes some belittling comments to me and will only see her if it's at my home. It sounds positive that he wants to try working on communication and I have asked him to stop making sexual advances on me which seems to be a challenge for him, but he said he will try.
I am so confused about what to think of him. It's been a rough past especially with my mental illness - and I feel my mentality causes so much confusion about what I want but I should be thinking about my daughter having a father and I should suck up the past and work towards a future. He talks of wanting a family and I think my daughter needs a father.
But my daughter and I have an offer to go live in Saskatchewan with my mother. She wants to help me with my daughter and insists there is nothing left for me here. She lives in a very isolated part of Saskatchewan where driving is necessary. I would have to learn to drive and so would be giving up my current independence I have now, at least until I learn to drive.
Should I stay and take a chance with my daughters father or leave? I feel as if I am running away to my mommy and will forever regret taking my daughters father from her, especially with how hard it is for me to know what I even want and how uncertain I am of him. What if he is not a bad person but in my mind I am trying to push him away because I just want to escape these problems?
I am so conflicted and am having a hard time making the decision.