Whats the best way to get your kid back on track once they get home from Dad's that manipulate them the entire weekend?

Sarah - posted on 04/06/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have a 9 year daughter I have been her primary caregiver since my split with her father when she was 1 years old. We were able to co-parent for the last 9 years he has her every other weekend. (I wanted us to have a good relationship for her therefore I did not ask him for $ I didnt want to start conflict). My husband of 2 years (we've been together for 4) got temp orders to another country. I mentioned this news to my daughter's father and he said a bunch of cuss words you cannot take her and hung up the phone. That was in the end of Oct. Ever since she has been a different kid. I have never mentioned these orders to our daughter because they are not for sure. However my EX and his wife are convincing her to live with them and saying I'm trying to keep her away from him. :( He all the sudden wants her more wants to be more involved with everything we went to a court hearing before mediation and he has her every other Thursday-Sunday now and every other Wednesday he's never asked for this until I mentioned the temp. deployment. I'm torn I have no idea what to expect. We have court The beginning of May and mediation this month. Every time my daughter comes home from her dads it takes her a couple days to open up and be nice and a kid again. I wish I would of never tried talking to him about it. Any suggestions on how to handle this...

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Katherine - posted on 04/10/2012

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Ask her why she is always so upset when she comes back from her dad's. I would. She may already know because your ex may have told her.

Sarah - posted on 04/10/2012

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Hi Jodi-If court says I am allowed to take her I would talk to her about it. It's a 3 year deployment. However after these last 4 months of him brain washing her I'm scared if she picks to live with him. His wife is very superficial and he gets everything from his Mom he's never had to do anything for himself. His work his house his cars everything his mom buys him. I don't want our daughter to be raised like that. So I'm torn do I send my husband off and separate him from our newborn or do I just "hope" my daughter wants to go?

Sarah - posted on 04/10/2012

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Hi Katherine- I've called a few counselors in the area and hopefully will find a good one soon. She was all for it and wants to go so thats good. As far as talking to her what do you mean? I'm not sure if her dad has mentioned that we might be moving to another country. I do not want to tell her because its a 50/50 chance that we wont know for sure of until Oct... What should I talk to her about? I let her know how much her dad and I care for her and right now there's some things we are talking over and for her not to worry about it.

Jodi - posted on 04/10/2012

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Well, are you actually suggesting you may be taking her away? And if the deployment does come through, that's what you plan to do? Or are you staying put while your husband goes to this other country? Sorry, but he does have her every other weekend, that isn't insignificant. He has rights too, as does your daughter, and right now, there is a threat that you are going to try and override those rights. I can understand why he may be upset, and believe me, if it DOES come through, your daughter is probably going to be pissed at you too. I don't blame either of them.



At this point, however, I think you need to ensure your daughter understands that nothing is certain right now and that if it looks like it will happen, you will involve her in the discussion too. She is 9, she isn't stupid. She won't thank you for taking her away from her dad if you just decide to make a unilateral decision. She deserves a discussion.

Katherine - posted on 04/10/2012

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I'm not in THAT situation exactly, but when my kids come home from my exes they are absolute monsters! It takes them a few days to adjust. I just try to ignore the behavior because I know he keeps them up all might. They're only 3 and 6.



So now all of the sudden he wants to be more "involved." How sweet. I don't understand their mind set but it does sound like he's telling her things.......and she's only 9. She must be really confused. Have you sat down and talked to her to find out exactly what's going on?



The poor thing may need some counseling to get through this. She's probably torn on what to do. Angry too and he feeds that fire. Sorry you're in this situation!

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