When a father leaves home

JANELOVEMYKIDS - posted on 07/11/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My husband left home 2 weeks ago I have a 5 year old son and a 7 year old daughter since he left he has not called my daughter is begging me to let her call him
should i let her call or will
he think its me putting her up to it.?!!

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Deanna - posted on 07/11/2013

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Hey Janette,
There was a couple of other things I wanted to say to you. I can completely relate to your situation because my ex left us when my son was 4 and my daughter 2. As they began to grown up and started asking questions I made sure of one thing and that was to never ever speak badly about their father. Yes, it was so hard seeing how I knew he was a ruthless pric and a son of a bitch, but I never let me children see me have any type of anomosity towards him. I knew that as they grew bigger that they would see for them selves. And when they were in their teens is when they really discovered what an idiot he was. Today now my kids are in their twenties and my son just had his first baby and it's really sad. He had no desire to call his father and response was "why should I give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm happy." My daughter on the other hand plays a different role. She will contact him and fill him with all kinds of stuff because she knows that she's making him feel terrible. It's almost like shes playing a game with him. So see, I didn't have to say anything about him, they figured it out by them selves. I don't condone the way the feel but I certainly don't blame them either. Oh yeah, when they used to ask me all of the time where was he or when was he going to come see them, I always told them that he was working a lot and that I know he's thinking of you and loves you very much. And left it at that. Hope this helps a little. Keep smiling.

Deanna - posted on 07/11/2013

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Have you tried to call him yourself? If not, I would call him and explain to him what's happening and based on his response to you, will tell you whether or not you should let her call him. The last thing you want is for him to hurt her more than she already is. Encourage her to write him a letter instead, or until you speak to her father. Good Luck.

Jodi - posted on 07/11/2013

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Maybe you could suggest that you go to counselling together, even if it is just to manage the end of the marriage and working towards a co-parenting relationship. If you let him know that the counselling is NOT to get the marriage back together necessarily, but for you both to work out where to go next, for the sake of your children.

Ev - posted on 07/11/2013

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Give him some time to sort his thoughts out and take some time yourself to do the same. Once you figure out where you might stand on things try talking again but do not give up to quickly.

Jodi - posted on 07/11/2013

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The chances are, he doesn't have the answers either. The kids will have questions, but sometimes they are questions there are no answers to right now, and you can be honest with them and tell them that. Let them know that daddy just needed to go away for a while to give him a bit of space. I know it is hard, but you might need to give him some time. Obviously I give this advice without really knowing what was going on in your marriage that may have caused this to happen, but it is okay to let kids know that you don't know all the answers.

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JANELOVEMYKIDS - posted on 07/11/2013

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Thank u that helps alot it hurts because they are both just making notes. for him drawing a family and say when we see him were going to give it to him and tell me they love him soo much and I just wanna cry but I maintain myself strong and tell them ok when you see him u can tell him everything u want I wonder will he come back ?? I cant say he was a dad that was never there he was always around and we had just come back from vacation and we had a great time I dont understand but I guess only
god knows

JANELOVEMYKIDS - posted on 07/11/2013

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Thats a good idea thank u both this situation is just hard and me and the kids and I dont know whats the right and wrong thing to do i dont want to make a mistake and ruin it for my children

JANELOVEMYKIDS - posted on 07/11/2013

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we had little arguments here and there and I decided to give him space and we hadnt talked for a week when all of a sudden he tells me hes leaving he cant handle the stress and arguing something that hadnt happen in a while between us I got home and everything was gone my daughter is the one taking it the hardest and the worst part is he didnt just leave like to his moms he left town and already started working over there he
texted me and said hes putting the kids on his insurance and thats it i dont know if just give him time or try to talk to him

Ev - posted on 07/11/2013

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For whatever reason he left, the kids will have questions. And I know you do not know why he left or you are not sure how to phrase it for the kids to understand. Its not easy. I came home from church at lunch time and my ex told me over the phone he had moved all his stuff to his folks house...he never told me why. I could tell the kids nothing either.

JANELOVEMYKIDS - posted on 07/11/2013

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He talked to her I told him she wanted to talk and he called he was not up front with her he said im away she asked when she can see him he said he didnt know and said ok bye really he sounded upset like if he did think i put her to ask but really she misses him and asks sooo many questions not even i have the answers to

Ev - posted on 07/11/2013

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Don't you think it would be better to call him and let your child talk to her father instead of her begging to see or speak to him? She is old enough to know something is going if not understand it as yet. Let her ask him what is going on and let him explain it from his end. This includes if he thinks she is being put up to it. Keep the contact up for the kids.

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