When can a mom tell boys to be nice when her son is being bullied?

Jennifer - posted on 03/21/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My son is 12 and plays a game called clash of clans and all ofthe boys from his school are in the "clan" with him. It is also a christian school. I have talked to some of the moms and even the principle at school and it got better but there are still certain boys talking about my son in negative ways behind his back. Is it innapropriate to tell the kids to be nice? I do not want to exclude him by taking the game he enjoys away but want the ganging up on certain kids to stop. Am I just being over protective or is it ok to advise them to be nice directly. I can not believe more parents do not monitor what kids are doing on video games.

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Jennifer - posted on 03/22/2013

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Thank you Jodi,
Clash of Clans is an ap on the apple products and there is a chat bar where the people in the clan they join within the game can communicate. So I can see what the kids are saying to one another. The school actually did feel there was something they could do and did counsel many of the boys who reffered to my son as a faggot and even called the parents. I also called some of the parents that i knew the numbers to. Although I understand the actions and how a child reacts is all he can control. My son definately stood up for himself at school and told the one kid...if you have something to say then say it to my face....the child then the next day apologized. The issue I have is that it appears I am the only mom who monitors what my child does or says in text messages on his phone, xbox live and other games. So if I see innapropriate behavior is it a bad thing to tell them to knock it off or advise them to not talk to or about each other that way? Or is it not my place? Do I isolate my child from the other boys that are kind by telling him he can no longer participate and play games...My dilema is i do not want my child subjected to these things but I also do not want to make him feel punished by taking things away from him.

Jodi - posted on 03/21/2013

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Is this "clash of Clans" a video game he plays at home? If it is at home, there is very little the school can do unless the bullying is taking place at school. What goes on outside school is the responsibility of the parents.

How does your son know they are talking behind his back?

One thing I have found with boys this age who tend to be bullied regularly is that they do tend to be overprotected and lack resilience. While bullying is not okay, sometimes there need to be some resilience strategies. Bullies tend to bully when the victim responds in the way they expect them too (makes the bully feel more powerful). Learning some resilience can stop the cycle of bullying, and the bully tends to move on to someone else.

As I said, a bully is a bully and it is NOT acceptable, so in addition to taking steps to put a stop to the situation through various avenues (such as talking to the parents), you also need to look at your son's resilience and response to the situation.

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