When can I be intamate?

Tarah - posted on 05/20/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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my husband wants to be intimate while our five year old daughter is still wake in her bedroom, even though she is down for the night. I feel very uncomfortable with doing this. and it turns into a big fight, and ends with me staying up all night, and him sleeping alone. and us now going on a month of not being intimate. I do not know what to do. I just do not understand why he cant wait until she falls asleep. we put her down at eight pm, she is fast asleep by 930 10. because she plays in her bed until she falls asleep. And he wakes up at four am every morning and I understand he is tired, and doesn't want to be up late. but understand I do not want her to hear nor do I want to hear her little feet at the door asking for a drink. I am really at a loss here.

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Have you ever tried sex at 4am? Some of our most amazing explosions have been created at 4am...
COMPROMISE!

And I feel the need to say that I also agree, 10pm is too late for sleepytime.

Another option...there are some REALLY creative ways to gently "wake" a husband at 10pm...after the child is asleep. I bet he wouldn't be grumpy OR mad if you choose your tactic well.

Andrea - posted on 05/20/2011

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I don't blame you. My husband would say my kids can't hear it. We put a lock on the door so they can't walk in. My fear was always that I look up and one of them would be standing there beside the bed and watch in horror. They have walked in on us before and it was no big deal for me, just rolled out of the bed and hugged them but DH jumped and it was scary. I told him to relax just roll over and cover up, the kids don't know what's going on so no jumping is needed. I always have a shirt on so it is easy for me to cover up. I can't relax either but sometimes I give in with some rules. It has to be a quickie, don't wait for me I am not interested but if you are that's fine just don't pressure me I can't relax. Or we go to the basement or to the bathroom, make it fast, same rule as before. And lastly we do it when the kids are out of the house in SK during the day, or when we go to bed late and the kids are sleeping in another room.
I agree 10 PM is too late. My kids are 6.5, still nap some days and they can fall asleep by 9. I don't change their bedtime just because they slept in the afternoon but I allow for a little longer reading time.

Schyla - posted on 05/20/2011

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I have 3 littles 5, 3, and 6 months My husband and I have on occasion been intimate while the 5 year old is still awake and quietly in her room, There is a bit of a thrill to it. I do on the most part feel uncomfortable since we live in a small house but she has not come knocking on the occasion that it dose happen. My advise it to set a date with your man partners NEED to be intimate if you mans not getting your comfort level it's time for a compromise that's what life is all about.

Tammy - posted on 05/20/2011

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Firstly, I totally agree with you being uncomfortable having sex while your daughter is still awake. My son is almost two and I feel the same way. However- I do believe that your daughter falling asleep between 9:30-10pm is too late for a five year old. Do you leave the lights on and just let her play until she falls asleep? Perhaps an adjustment to her routine is required. I would start by slowly reducing the time she stays up- like read a book, then tell her its time to go to sleep and that she needs her sleep to grow up big and stong etc. In my opinion I would not let her stay up past 9pm. Good luck.

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Andrea - posted on 05/21/2011

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Tarah I tried that too. My husband doesn't like it when I wake him up. He gets a headache and then he gets pissed off because he can't fall asleep from the pain. So he goes to work in the basement. So I don't do it, once was enough to learn a lesson ;0). But you can tell him you don't mind to not have an orgasm every time, if he doesn't mind you are all game. I even tease him at least he gets that part of the game right, and I look like I like the game too so that's half the battle you know? I leave out the 'come on hurry up from my mind' if I know it will be fast and sometimes 5 minutes are enough for me if we tease each other all day long. My husband likes to know he doesn't have to work so hard and he understands we are different. When it counts I make sure he doesn't always get a quickie but which man would refuse one if he could get one? LOL
You are not a prude, it's called life as a parent. We have to find the ways that work, life is never the same after kids but it doesn't have to be drab. GL

Tarah - posted on 05/21/2011

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And once again, Thank you all for making me fell not soo much like a prude..lol

Tarah - posted on 05/21/2011

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We do 20 mintue of her reading bed time stories before bed, she loves to read, plus its good for her. then I'll walk by her room every fifteen minutes to make sure she is asleep. not everynight she is awake til 10, almost eveynight she is asleep by 9. but on fridays she is up until 10 no lie, but thats because we have movie night, or we do pupetnight or have a late playdate.so thats my fault =( and I used to be up until midnight as a young child. my parents set no rules for me. but thats a diff post for a diff day..lol I thank you all so much, I am truly thankful to u all! you all were so much help! and I am goinn to take all of your advice! you all are right! and you know what Ink. I have done that for my husband, and he got made at me! he said he didn't like it because he couldn't enjoy it because he wasn't fully awake. lol how silly is that!

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