when do u get over it?

Melissa - posted on 04/18/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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i want my family back together just to say my kids have their father in their life and i love him and always will because he helped make them but he wont grow up and he makes me hate him... so when do u really get over it so u can move on?

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Beverly - posted on 12/01/2010

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Wow, it's been a long time but I went through a similar situation......I wanted so badly for my son to have his father around but it just didn't work. I agree with Gwen, you can't force a man to grow up or be a father. I wish I could go back to the days when I would try so many things to get him involved, even though the relationship was doomed from the beginning. I concentrated on myself and my son. I accepted the role of mother and father. Now 18, he's turned out to be such a great young man. I'm so proud. I was a single mom until my son was 14 and even though I have been married for 4 years, I still am HIS single parent. But the important thing is that he knows and will never doubt how much I love him and that I am his mom and dad. You try to fill that void yourself, maybe your brothers or father can help out with the male role?? But as long as your child(ren) feel your love, nurture and support, they will be alright.

Nikki - posted on 12/01/2010

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That's so sad Melissa but I understand and i feel for you . I don't think people always understand how we mothers actually "feel" . In my case , it was not so much that I just loved my son's father so much and couldn't be without him but rather my hopes and dreams of having a family were ruined because he would not grow up and be responsible at all for anything so I hurt for my son's loss of a family and my loss for a family if that makes sense so I carry resentment as his life moved on so easily as I struggle daily in every regard but I do pray alot and I am human so I still let his father know from time to time his son does exist and to pay support and stop ignoring him even though it does no good and I should let it go however in honor of my son's life I can't. I remind him he has a son and I probably always will. It's a life altering experience period . We suffer alot for our child's feelings and suffer struggling to raise them ALONE . I sometimes don't understand how the "new girlfriend" in my son's father's life can accept him as a decent human being . He's not. I don't let our son "know" that but I think you get it . I wish I had the answers !!!!!

Melissa - posted on 04/19/2010

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thats what i have been doin... there's just that part of me that wants him but im not goin to keep fightin for it.... thanx for ur help...

[deleted account]

oh, well some men are just selfish, i would just go on with my life like he wasnt alive. make yourself and kids happy. they need a happy mother. and one day u will find mr rite

Melissa - posted on 04/18/2010

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it wouldnt be so bad but he dont come see his kids i try and involve him in everything but he dont care his lifes more important... we talk all the time but he dont care... one min he loves me and wants me back and the next min im nothin... hes young and needs to grow up...

[deleted account]

stay strong and know u need a man who makes u happy not hate him, even though he wont be there everyday, he can still spend time with them. i know its not the same as living together. but if u cant get along, living apart will be better for everyone in the long run, u should talk to him and try to get him to understand what he is doing to make u unhappy, if he doesnt change , know not being together is better.

Melissa - posted on 04/18/2010

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i do love him and ill never deny that and a part of me is over it and i have been datin and lookin for someone else its just hard when u were with a person for 6yrs but i know he'll never change so one day ill find someone who wants me and mu kids and he'll be the one missin out... thanx for ur responce...

Meagan - posted on 04/18/2010

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I think that a part of you still loves him because you have kids which is fine because I think almost every mother does. Although, if he isn't tryna grow up I don't think you should even try anymore. There comes a point in ur life where you realize that maybe things just weren't meant to be. I think a part of you might be over it a lil bit but you want things to work out so ur kids have a father. Again thats totally fine but eventually he'll realize that he missed out. I wish you the best and hopefully he grows up fast and realizes he has kids to take care of.

[deleted account]

Sounds like you have to let go and do whats best for you and your children..sometimes the hardest decisions are the best ones and you benefit more from making them.:-)Wishing you and your family the very best its not easy when you have so much love for someone but the just cant see whats truly important in there life.You cant change someone until the see it themselves and do something about it.

Melissa - posted on 04/18/2010

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i mean he acts like he is fresh out of school and doesnt have kids... he parties all the time and blows money and doesnt take care of his kids...



thanx everyone for ur help i know it would be alot easier if he would just poppin in and out of our lives like he wants to be there when it fits him... but i know one day he'll realize what hes missin and feel stupid but until then im just goin to keep doin what i got to for me and my kids...

Gwen - posted on 04/18/2010

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I had the same situation until I realized you can't force someone to be a parent. But I got over it when I met someone who wanted to be part of my son's life. My son is almost 7 and in the back of my mind I wanted his father to grow up & be responsible but his actions told otherwise. So 6 years after we broke up I'm really over the idea of being a family with him.

Susan - posted on 04/18/2010

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When you fully realize that you are powerless over it. It is out of your control or ability to change him. Put your energy into being healthy for you and your children. Prayer really helps.

Krista - posted on 04/18/2010

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There's no set time. The best way to get over him and move on is to keep busy and to try to not dwell on thoughts of him. After awhile, one day you'll realize that you went a whole day without thinking of him. And it gets easier from there. Stay strong, and realize that your kids can still have their father in their life without the two of you having to be together as a couple.

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