When do you moms get time to be intimate with your husbands?

Catalina - posted on 04/26/2012 ( 42 moms have responded )

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I love my husband, and I love my baby! But sometimes I feel like I don't have time for both.

By the time my husband gets home from work I'm exhausted, I still have too cook and I want to give my husband the kind of love and attention I could before we had our son but I just can't seem to find the time.

My sweet husband never has complained but I can tell he misses it.



How do you mamas find a balance between being a mother and being a wife?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kellie - posted on 04/30/2012

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i found finding the time after my 1st was the hardest. Not only was there the fact that i all of a sudden had a lil baby whom i felt, soley depended on me, and the idea of taking even the smallest amount of attention away from him to concentrate on some1 else, even my partner, seemed selfish to say the least. I also had some serious confidence issues involving my post baby body, which made me not want to find the time. In that frame of mind, intimacy with my partner went down to the bottom of the list of priorities. It became a vicious circle thou, where the less intimate we were, the less attractive and sexy i felt, making me more determined to avoid intimacy. With an extremely understanding partner we eased back into it, taking time whenever our son was asleep... Even a cuddle while watching a movie, just to feel close. Sharing a shower at nite wen our son was in bed etc. Small things that built our intimacy back up. Intimacy i think becomes more difficult with children but also more essential. Not only for the sexual gratification, but to share special time together to reenforce the emotional aspect of being in a marriage/partnership, and to strengthen ur solidarity as a couple. It helps u be a better parent wen u feel that u are both in it together, instead of living separate lives. After our second, gettin back into the swing of things so to speak was alot easier. Even thou we now have twice as much work to do, we find that finding that time for us is easier, and more essential. i think if u make the decision that u "will make time" u will. U find it, and u look forward to finding it... U need to do it for urself. Being a mum is all about wat u do for others. But u need to remember u are not just a mum, u are a woman as well. Thats the hardest part to accept. Once u do, u'll wonder why u hadn't been able 2 do so before hand. Good luck. Its hard to start thinkin differently but its worth it

Nicole - posted on 04/28/2012

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I think this is a problem that most parents face!! We have four children, and for a few years it seemed like we couldn't get our "feelings" in tune with each other-- either he was too tired or I was! A few times we even woke up in the middle of the night in the middle of "it"!! We try to schedule time for each other, have a date night, or whatever, but, in all honesty, while it sounds good in theory, usually we are either lacking money or energy!! I've also found that "planning" something takes the fun out of it (especially if you have a standing Saturday night date). I have found a few ways to be intimate that don't feel routine:
1- when he hops out of the shower after work I meet him with his towel to dry off with...and nothing else.
2-I take a shower when he is home and call him into the bedroom when I'm done- he usually doesn't leave!
3- When the kids are occupied or playing outside (we have a fenced in yard) we grab a quickie!

And then, of course, we do try to plan nights when the kids are sleeping over at friends houses, or we set them up with popcorn and movies and go to our room to "watch a movie". When they were a little younger we would go to our room to "talk". I have also explained to my children that parents sometimes like to have grown up time, where they can talk and spend time together so that they can stay friends and not fight. They totally get this, and they respect our "grownup time"...the same that we respect the time that they need to be kids!

Karenda - posted on 04/27/2012

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Nap time = Adult time. By the end of the day I was so tired that I just wanted to sleep. Weekends during nap time has been our solution that has worked for 5 years. After my oldest out grew naps we set up quite time in the middle of the day where she stays in her room for about an hour and rests reading books or doing puzzles. It give us some time together when we are not so tired.

Stifler's - posted on 04/28/2012

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We don't schedule a date night once a week because I don't have anyone willing to babysit once a week so we can go out but often we feed the kids first, get them off to bed and cook a nice meal and eat in peace.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/27/2012

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It took me a long time after my first to get my sex drive back. I think we were finally having sex regularly after about 1 year. Babies are exhausting!

42 Comments

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Yolanda - posted on 06/14/2012

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Try to nap when your child does the housework will always be there. Do not do housework while your child naps. My husband left a lady that cleaned house so good you could eat on the floor, husbands are like kids they need & want attention more than a hot supper or a clean house. Sit and enjoy him after your young one goes to sleep. After all nothing is more important then the people in your life. We are now 60 and I still go dancing when he wants or out to cook outs and I forget the housework when he is tried then I clean and wash while he watches TV. Best of luck. Keep him happy!

Miriam - posted on 04/30/2012

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we dont schedule date night once a week because I work, so I hate taking off to go out and leaving my kids.. we have our time when theyre asleep or just whenever we can sneak it in!!! :)

Miriam - posted on 04/30/2012

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completely understand you.. I have a 9 year old son, 15 month old twins and work full time, so it is hard. and hubby doesnt complain either he just tells me he misses me :( but hey they grow up quick enough!!

Amy - posted on 04/29/2012

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All good responses, it's hard but remember a touch or a kiss for no reason will help your husband remember that you find him attractive. When you are comfortable to leave baby with someone you trust, a date night is needed as often as possible. Doesn't mean you have to spend money, get babysitter to take baby and you stay home. If you have a understanding husband he will be patient

Catalina - posted on 04/29/2012

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My Husband does alot, he is the CEO of his own company and he still makes time to give our son a bath everynight and every weekend he turns off his phone and laptop so he can give us undivided attention, and honestly, i love to clean and cook and he is terrible at both! :)



I love the idea of a childcare coop!

Patricia - posted on 04/29/2012

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absolutely rigt jolene but mine unfortunately couldn't be bothered or care less no matter what i try so i have decided that we will see what mothers day brings and make decisions from there

Jolene - posted on 04/29/2012

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I'm surprised it hasn't been mentioned but what abou hubby's responsibility in this? Why isn't he cooking dinner, taking care of kids, cleaning up? So what if he works, so do you. He needs to help as a dad and as a lover.



Also I agree with early bedtimes for all kids. We do our kids no favors by making the whole world revolve around them. All we do is raise selfish kids who become selfish adults and selfish husbands and wives.



Mom and dad both need a break. You need grown up time and kids needs to be well rested, it is a win-win.



Lstlly get a child are co-op going with friends and neighbors where you all take turns watching each other's kids. Every relationship i know that has regular dates nights has flourished. Those that don't have failed.



We all need couple and me time and it makes us healthier for our kids. Good luck!

Terrie - posted on 04/28/2012

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I have a 12 year old Autistic son so it is like have a baby in the house at times. It is very hard to find the time after children are born, but you do need to find it because you both need it. Sometimes it means putting aside them time a couple times a week. Sometimes it means being spontaneous when you are both there and the baby is down for a nap anytime during the day or night.

Stifler's - posted on 04/28/2012

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ah i iwsh my husband was into that heather! sometimes i cna get him at 4 am before work but not for the last few years

Heather - posted on 04/28/2012

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I made time after my son goes to bed, during nap time, or my fav is when my son is at Grandma's and Grandpa's. Grandma and Grandpa love spending time with my son and I get a brake to relax or have some fun with the hubby. If ether of us feel "in the mood" in the middle of night we wake the other is a sexual way. lol! It works for us.

Sara - posted on 04/28/2012

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We worked out that we had a day and nite to our self we organized with my mum to have our little girl from lunch time Saturday we have the afternoon to our selves and we have Sunday all day then pick her up after 3 pm so we feel like we get to spend time together that works out good but if u don't have family or friends around to help out why don't you try a date nite at home start by doing what u need to for ur son then order ur husband fav takeaway so it gets to u before he does try dressing up like u were going out if u have time it makes it feel like u r really out on a date then try put your son to bed early set the table with candles etc get wine or beer and relax with him and see where the nite takes u . Does ur son sleep though the nite if u know he will be getting up near the time uses are heading the the bedroom then warm up a bottle of milk put it in with him on the way past and u won't be interrupted hope it works if u try it it did for us when mum was not here to help :)

Pamela - posted on 04/28/2012

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Plan a special date for you and your husband, just like you would plan a party. Get a family member of friend to babysit for the night (even if you are breast feeding).

If you are breast feeding get a breast pump and pump plenty of milk and store in bottles for the night. The bottles can be warmed to the correct temperature by sitting in a pan of warm water.

You are blessed that your husband has not complained or turned to other amusements. It may seem an impossible task but that is only because this is your first experience.

Now get busy and start planning that special night! Have fun. It will be great for both of you!

Ashley - posted on 04/28/2012

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Daytime during naps is a good time :) After some time the baby requires less and hubby gets more. I found my hubby was much more helpful around bed time to get our kids to bed so that he could have time with me! Cooking together, even watching the kids shows together (I would rub his feet and read while the kids watch tv). It does take effort to create intimacy when you have kids. Sometimes five minutes is all you will get, but have an idea for how you will fill those five minutes!

Catalina - posted on 04/28/2012

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That's how I feel Marybelle. I have to just sneak in moment when we can and our son is still so your that hea pretty oblivious! :-)

[deleted account]

Catalina...I feel your concern! Trust me. I'm a mom with 3 kids under 5 and exhausted 24/7, but always try to find that moment that makes my husband feel special wether it be at 8:30pm after kids asleep or 2am! Yes, sounds crazy but whatever it takes I will do. Afterall, he's a hardworking man and great father and partner so don't mind giving him that attention. Better me than someone else!!

Marsha - posted on 04/28/2012

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This is a hard balance. I think you just need to talk about it and keep communication open. Don't exhaust yourself more by trying to do too much. You need rest too! Hubby should understand. Mostly when baby is younger and can not be left alone. And don't feel guilty if you are too tired for that. Again, you need rest too!!!

[deleted account]

I just do it even if I don't feel like it at least 3 times a week, unless it's been a really rough week where my son or I had been sick.

Kkrjrpleggett - posted on 04/27/2012

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It is very hard sometimes to find the time to shower, let alone be intimate. We discovered that in the morning before the baby wakes up is great or while baby is napping. Shower times for two is nice too. Maybe one night he can "romance you" and cook dinner for you so you can relax a little bit and maybe be more willing at bed time. Good luck.

Janet - posted on 04/27/2012

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gee i'm suprised - when my kids came along - sex went out the window. But in answer to ur question - whenever u can - when the child is asleep, when the child is occupied or playing outside - if u want it bad enough u will find the time

Janessa - posted on 04/27/2012

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I have found I just have to make time, even when I'm tired. So I pick the nights we go to bed the earliest and I am the least tired. There is no such thing as a night where I am not tired at all. I have 4. It has been harder for me because I've had a hard time making it a priority, but I have understood it is, and so little bit by little bit I try to give a little more. It is hard, but worth it in the end.

Chrystal - posted on 04/27/2012

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It doesn't sound very romantic but we've made 3 nights a week after the kids go to bed couples time to watch movies, take a bath together, cuddle, etc. Plus I've let my husband know flat out if he wants some he better make a move before 10pm cause after that it's not happening I'm just to damn tired no matter how sexy he may be. We just make it work.

[deleted account]

If you both want time, you'll make it happen. We have 4 kids ages 5, 4, 2, and 1 and haven't had problems making time. Just make it happen!

Amanda - posted on 04/27/2012

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We dont do a date night but we try to well I am the one more exshausted but we always try to set time aside tired or not we set that time for us. Its a good stress reliever and also a good way to find that spark again! Nap times are great too. You dont always have to do it in the dark.

Elfrieda - posted on 04/27/2012

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I've recently gotten sucked into a "share the children" scheme by my two sisters-in-law. We've been taking turns having all 4 toddlers at one person's house from about 10am-6pm on a Saturday, while the other two couples go out (or stay in!) on a date. True, it's during the day, but it works out better for the kids' schedules.



I love it! We've only done it twice so far, but each time the kids napped fine and had a good time playing, so I think we'll keep on doing it; maybe not every week but often.



That wouldn't work if you have a young nursing baby, but your baby will grow and it will get easier. :) I've noticed that my husband and I go through times (especially when our son was an infant) where love is not really very romantic, it's more "I've got your back and I appreciate you". It's not as heart-fluttering as the romantic kind, but it can certainly see you through the rough patches.

Catalina - posted on 04/27/2012

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Great ideas! What I wouldn't give for 24 hours alone with my husband!!

Happy - posted on 04/27/2012

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We are not always able to do it every week but we do have a date night at least once every other week and when we do not have a nursing baby we try to get away for a weekend (or even just one night) every 3 months or so. Sometimes it is just the local hotel down the street but, oh how fun it is!

Catalina - posted on 04/27/2012

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:-)

Does anyone do a scheduled date night once a week? I've been thinking about doing that!

Happy - posted on 04/27/2012

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By schedule, just to clarify, I mean yourself, not necessarily bub. I found when I really want to be intimate with my husband, I make sure that I plan my day accordingly. The days I want that romance are not the days to clean out the garage, LOL. I also have a husband who is more than willing to help out when he comes home and finds that I hav had a hard day. He knows I will reward him well later! ;)

Catalina - posted on 04/27/2012

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Haha you ladies are funny!! I think I find it hard to be in mommy mode and sexy mode. Ugh! Haha.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2012

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nice one sharon was very similar with me and my hubby at times

tho sometimes we couldnt wait ;) quick kiss and feel in the kitchen lol

[deleted account]

Pfft... my hubby loves to be intimate with his computer rather than me......



That being said though, when the kiddies were very little we used to make a date with each other to be intimate. That night we'd make sure the kids were in bed by a certain time and all the evening chores done, and once the kids were asleep it was "game on" !!!!

Stifler's - posted on 04/26/2012

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I put my kids to bed at 7 so we have until he goes to bed together. I make sure dinner is cooked when he gets home and all the washing folded and the house mostly clean. Pity he wants to spend it watching tv.

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2012

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it was hard when my first was born. when my drive was back we managed to be initmate at tmes, when i felt sexual was usually when my attention was being taken by my little one or my hubby wasnt about. But managed to work around it with weekends when my boy was asleep or during the evenings. But at times we would all cuddle together and i would be pleasured descretely

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