When does the anger subside?

Jennifer - posted on 09/12/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My daughter (13 now) was sexually abused by my ex-husband/biological father. She was 11 at the time of abuse. He was in the military and had to travel overseas for her 13th birthday for a trial. He was convicted and given 11 years prison time. My daughter is acting out and I believe she's depressed. She misses her 1/2 brother and sister that her father had with his current wife. His wife lied for him during the trial and is staying behind him even after the conviction. So, my daughter has lost her father, step-mom and siblings. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse myself. This whole process has been a nightmare for our entire family. I'm having a ton of anxiety on a daily basis. I'm so angry at the world. It's affected my current marriage and our intimacy and relationship. I am seeing a therapist on a weekly basis. I just feel lost. I hurt everyday for my daughter. Any advise is helpful. Thx

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Trish - posted on 09/12/2015

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I am sorry you are in pain. Sometimes I wish there was a magic wand that could vanish away all our troubles. Such is life. You need to decide whether your love for your daughter is greater than your pain. Though this is fresh you have to figure out a way to release that pent up frustration instead of taking it out on your husband. I wish you all the best Jen if you want to vent to me. I am here.

Trish - posted on 09/12/2015

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I am sorry for what happened to your daughter. Your anger is justifiable but it is not helpful to you, your daughter and your husband. Letting go of anger is not easy but you have to. It is not your fault, your daughter's fault or your current husband's fault. That man made the selfish choice to defile your little girl. Now you have to get yourself together before everything else falls apart. Hurting for your daughter is not helping...being strong for your daughter is better. Show her that you are not victims you are survivors. Give it time...with the step mom you will need to forgive her for her lying. Ask her to let your daughter see her siblings. Not all is lost. You need to dwell on rebuilding not the hurt and pain. When the anxiety hits...you need to remind yourself what is the goal for your daughter. Do you want her to grow up in her teens depressed and dwell on the past or do you want her to grow up knowing she is not a victim and she is strong. You got to let go of all the pain and start sharing and talking with your daughter and husband and plan for the future. Do not look back...more forward. Do not let this ruin your family.

Cry it all out. If you still can not let it go. Pray.

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Jennifer - posted on 09/12/2015

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Thank u Trish. I feel like my world is falling apart. I thought after he was convicted (couple months ago) I would magically be all better. I want to be strong for Her and I don't let her know how much I hurt but I'm worried. She's having nightmares. She's not sleeping. She's acting out. This whole thing just keeps haunting us. I can never trust her step mother again. I will allow her to see her siblings but my sister has agreed to facilitate this. It's just so much pain.

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