when does the rubber hit the road?

Michelle DeFrancesco - posted on 07/09/2015 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Thank you for your advice - I've now closed this convo. to further comments :)

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Jodi - posted on 07/11/2015

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Michelle, I don't think people are trying to disrespect you and your personal relationship with God. However, what they are saying is that you can't dictate the relationship with God that your daughter has. If you thump her over the head with your beliefs (hence the term bible thumper), you are essentially doing that. You can, by all means, ask your daughter to respect your beliefs in your home, but you can't ask that she believes the same as you, and you have to accept that when she is 18, she may make choices you don't agree with. If you continue to judge her by your beliefs, you may end up very disappointed. You need to learn to also respect her beliefs as she blossoms into an adult, and even if you don't agree with them, have respect for her and her choices, and be there as her support if her choices don't turn out the way she wants them to.

Michelle - posted on 07/11/2015

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Sorry, I got the ages mixed up and thought your daughter's boyfriend was older than her.
Yes she will be on the sex offender register if she is charged with having sex with a minor. You need to explain to her what this means for her future and all the jobs she won't be able to do at all.

"Bible Thumper" is someone who preaches at every opportunity, and that's what you have turned this post in to. You can go to different communities within CoM by hovering over the communities tab at the top, click on join communities and then search by alphabetical order. This is the Welcome page so every who joins CoM is a member of this community. If you want just other Christian Mother's to reply then find a Christian Mother's community.

Michelle - posted on 07/10/2015

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Ok, so your real problem is her boyfriend. No it's starting to make more sense.
So because she is taking advice from other people instead of you, you don't like it. Very soon she will be able to make her own decisions and there's nothing you can do about it. Maybe it's time to let go of the apron strings before you lose her completely.

It's amazing the different advice you get when you let people know the whole story though.

Michelle - posted on 07/10/2015

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You should have been doing this years ago.
Why are you all of a sudden wanting to discipline her?
It's going to take a very long time for you to change what she has been doing for 17 years!!!!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/10/2015

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What do you mean by "such a servant"?

If she is not following the rules with the electronics, do what you need to do. The whole summer seems a bit harsh though.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/11/2015

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Jodi stated it perfectly. I'm not sure where the rest of my post went, but it was pretty much exactly what Jodi said.
Your daughter is reaching adulthood. She will, at some point, make a decision that you do not agree with, whether that be morally, or otherwise. You need to understand that she is an individual. She will make choices regarding her life that you may or may not agree with, and may or may not be within the realm of your religion. If she chooses to go outside of your religion, you cannot be upset with her for making an individual choice.
What you have to do now is trust yourself. Trust that you have raised her with God, that she will make appropriate choices, and that you, as her parent, have given her the tools that she needs to move forward in life.

Sarah - posted on 07/11/2015

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If you are worried about your daughter being convicted of statutory rape (as she is 17 and the boy is 15) Then don't allow her to date him! In Indiana both partners must be 16 or older to give consent.
Regarding Honduras, I'd never send my child to an international destination without a way she can reach me without having to ask for anyone's permission or access to a phone. That's just me. Whether or not she deserves to have a phone or other electronics at her disposal all summer is another matter. Why doesn't she have a job? She sounds like a teenager, pleasant when things go her way, and not so pleasant when they don't.

http://www.ageofconsent.us/

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/11/2015

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Seriously, Ms. Bythrow, you are coming across as a bible thumper. I, too, am Christian, non denominational. NO, I do not attend church. WHY? Because I'm tired of seventh day 'christians'.

Cupcake-whore - posted on 07/11/2015

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Dove is right, I'm 20 and when I was around your daughters age my mom did the same thing what you're doing to your daughter. You have to talk to her like she is an adult and don't just say what you wanna say then be done with it. Actually listen to what she says and show her that she isn't a kid anymore and what she does will have consequences. She's acting out because she wants to be heard. Plus the others are right too. She's just branching out and exploring new things. Let her, but make sure you let her know you will always be there for her and that no matter what happens you'll always love her. Give her a chance to make mistakes, that's how kids grow and learn.

Dove - posted on 07/11/2015

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I have two teenagers... live in the US... go to a non-denominational Christian church, but I'm not sure what any of that has to do w/ talking to your daughter....

I never said you couldn't guide her... you absolutely can, but what will you do if when she turns 18 she decides to cut off all contact w/ you and move across the country because she doesn't agree w/ your thinking?

What exactly is wrong w/ talking to her like an adult and explaining to her why you don't want her doing particular things?

Dove - posted on 07/11/2015

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By the way... I am a Christian.... and you can NOT control your 17 year old daughter's decisions. You can respectfully point her towards the truth and you can make the rules and consequences for your house... but once she is 18.. if she wants to move out and do whatever she wants... it IS all on her and out of your hands. If you push her too far you will likely lose her. TALK to her like the almost adult she is.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/11/2015

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OMG....yeah it does indeed sound like your daughter may be sheltered. I love how as soon as Michelle says something about being non believers, you go hardcore about God. There was no indication in your post about any of this. It sounds like your real problem is that your daughter is seeing things from a different perspective.....growing wings, and thinking for herself.

I was 17 with a 15 year old boyfriend at one point in my life. Get over it. She will have her own actions, and live her life. You can choose to be a part of it, or preach to her until she has no interest in what you say.

Michelle - posted on 07/11/2015

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She won't be on the sex offender register. In most countries she is of legal age of consent. Even if the legal age is higher where you are then he would be on it, not her.
I hate to tell you that not all "non believers" (as you call us) are bad people. Most of us live very moral lives so please don't judge people that way, it's not the end of the world if she falls in love with someone who doesn't have the same beliefs as you.

I would be discussing things with her like the adult she almost is. You can explain to her your point of view and your feeling towards everything but really, she doesn't like them.
You need to trust yourself in the way you have raised her and that she will make the right choices for herself. That's what growing up is about, not having your parents decide every choice for you.

Dove - posted on 07/10/2015

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Really the best you can do is talk to her about the potential consequences of her actions... Let her know why you think her actions are not the best (legal ramifications if she does have sex w/ him... being untrustworthy if she is lying... etc...). Sure, keep the rules and consequences in your home, absolutely, but she is about to become an adult and the consequences of her actions at that point are all on her.

Is taking away her electronics/phone going to stop her from dating this boy and potentially having sex w/ him? I don't see how the two are related to each other...

Dove - posted on 07/10/2015

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So she's going to be in another country w/out a way to contact her parents? 17 is honestly way too late to start disciplining as she can leave your life once she turns 18 and you risk permanently losing a relationship w/ her. Granted... your house, your rules and as long as she lives there she must abide by them... but I really don't understand what it is she is doing (yeah, yeah... manipulating people to get what she wants... I have a grandma that did that her whole life until she became to senile to know anything..).

Michelle - posted on 07/10/2015

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Is the week in Honduras a treat?
I would be cancelling that for sure if it is.

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