when if there is a good time to tell my son about his real dad who he hasnt seen since he was 7 months. my son is nearly 6 years?

[deleted account] ( 90 moms have responded )

My husband has taken on my son and calls him dad, but in sure he is starting to think about things and I need to be ready to tell him. My ex was a liar liked a drink and has never paid child maintenance.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amanda - posted on 11/23/2011

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I have NO experience in this area at all so I might be totally wrong, but just had a thought... When you tell your son, don't smash his reality to bits by saying "this isn't your real dad".... just say "you have another father too".

To be really technical, the father-son relationship is what makes a DAD, whether they are biologically related or not. The other guy only fathered him...

So yeah, I think you're on the right track by getting ready to tell him soon, but just keep it simple and calm, and remember he already has his 'real dad' :)

Just a thought anyway... Good luck!

Pamela - posted on 11/23/2011

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My oldest son was nearly 9 years old when I remarried and though he had spent some time with his biological father, his biological father was out of the picture as far as his daily life was concerned. When I remarried I explained to him that he was a "lucky" child as most children had only one dad but he had TWO!!!.. It seemed to work as he is now 42 years old (today is his 42nd birthday) and he holds his (step) father in as much esteem as he holds his biological father.



If you are not yet married to the second man in your life I would hold off and wait until the relationship becomes a committed one. After all, you don't want your child to think that all men abandon him.



When your current love decides to make a commitment of marriage then sit down and have the conversation with the 3 of you participating.



There are so many books that help the parenting process these days (unlike when I was a young parent) that you could probably search online for age appropriate books that help you to explain the situation to your son with ease.



Hope this was helpful advice for your situation.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and may the explanation be a smooth and happy one, whenever it occurs!!!

Victoria - posted on 11/23/2011

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I waited but always thought that if I had been more open about it from the beginning I wouldn't have worried about it for so long. I wanted my daughter to feel like a full and complete part of this family and not like she only partly belonged. My husband is the only father she has ever known. We started dating when she was 3 months old and he adopted her after we got married (she was 3 years old). We just lived our lives ya know. Her bio father was never in the picture so it wasn't like she was missing anything. I worried about when to tell her and what I was going to say for years. I told her earlier this year - she is 13.

I told her that God had a plan for every child that is born and that for HER to be here God needed me and her biological father to bring her into the world. That without him she wouldn't be here. I let her know that her dad has been her dad since she was a baby and that what matters most is that she is loved by him with no reservations. I also told her that I waited to tell her until I knew for certain that it was the right time and that she was mature enough to understand and that she could ask me anything at any time and I would be honest with her. She asked me a few questions at the time and every so often she will ask a random question seemingly out of nowhere, but for the most part took it all very well.

I don't know how it would have worked out had it been an open subject from the beginning. All I know is that I prayed for God to show me when the right time would be to tell her. When I tried to tell her at younger ages I never felt right about it. When I did finally tell her it really felt like it was the right time. And I think that is true for any situation like this one. You have to do what you feel is the right thing for you and your son. To tell him now or to tell him later - it's all about when YOU feel is the right time for HIM to know.

Sending you many blessings!

Colleen - posted on 11/24/2011

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any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy. Tell your son the truth - not the bitter truth - the honest truth. His real father wasn't ready to be a daddy and the man who is his daddy was. He is loved by both mom and dad and will be taken care of. He'll appreciate that, believe me!

Rachel - posted on 11/23/2011

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to wait for him to "understand" is to wait for him to be devastated by it. Do it casually, like its no big deal. Maybe start by talking about someone else that has a step-dad "just like you!". Then answer his questions. Don't wait any longer.

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Jennifer - posted on 12/04/2011

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One thing I'd like to add, don't talk bad about your sons Bio Father. There is no good to come of speaing ill. The best thing to do, it let him know that "daddy" isn't his birth father, let your son know that nothing needs to change. Focus more of explaining that your husband has chosen to be his father, and no man will love his as much as your husband does for taking on the resonsibility. Your son dosent need to know much about your ex or why he isn't there, that may make his to fee abandoned. Plus I'm sure he'll find out for himself when he is older. By then your son can look back and say that you were the bigger person for not saying anything bad. Your sons sense of security is more important then letting out any couped up feelings you may have about your ex.

Good luck by the way, and your husband is a great man.

Louise - posted on 12/04/2011

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its your son that thinking or you hsuband . because children would like to be told the truth . if he ask then tell him . but dont tell him how bad his dad his hell find out . it will look like you dont like his dad . so one have to becare full . kids will find the truth out but you can tell him that your husdand love and care for him .

Carrie - posted on 12/04/2011

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I would suggest wait until he is a few years older unless he is asking questions or it is a possibililty the biological father is going to make an appearences. I would just be matter of fact explaining that his biological father made a choice not to be involved in his life and your husband loved him so much that he WANTED to raise him as his own son. I would make a point to explain that his biological father did help bring him into to this world but that is all...his daddy (your husband) is his dad and that is what counts. anyone can be a "father" but you choose to be a daddy. good luck.

Cheryl - posted on 12/03/2011

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I was almost 18 before my family even breathed a word to me about my real father. I never resented my mother or anyone else in my family for never telling me about him. I think 6 is to young to fully comprehend what being a bum dad is. Personally I would do what my family did and wait till he is old enough to understand the type of person his "real" father is. Right now he has a dad and when questions come up about well we don't look alike or anything explain to him that when he gets older you will explain some things to him but right now isn't appropriate, which it isn't imo.

Bev - posted on 12/03/2011

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You should start now - but as had been mentioned do not bash is bio dad as, good or bad, he is his bio dad...and never mention lack of child support as children can start thinking he is something to be bought.....just be clear that you and he could not live together and that he made choices that made it impossible...stress it was choice, not the man and that he loved him as much as it is possible but that to truly love someone else, you must love yourself and he didn't....been there and this route is the best - good luck!

Christine - posted on 12/02/2011

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We had a similar experience. My husband married a woman that was pregnant with another man's baby. The birth father was never involved in his life in any way. My husband adopted him and they went on to have 2 other children. They were married more than 10 years and had decided never to tell the kids. My husband paid child support and had regular visitation with ALL the children. Then one day when the boy was 16 his Mom got mad at my husband and told the boy that he wasn't his real dad. It really messed him up. He went on to use drugs and have terrible relationships with women. He went on to locate his biological father and changed his last name to his all after my husband raised him as his own and paid every penny of child support until he was 18. Now the boy is 29 and he has NO relationship with either man by his choice. My advice to you is to be honest when he is old enough to understand ( maybe 5) let him know that this man CHOSE to be there for him. As he gets older and asks questions answer them honestly. Trust me family secrets are NEVER a good thing. Good luck and Kudos to that man of yours!!!

User - posted on 12/01/2011

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Amen, Amen, Amen to Mom and Dad Wight's post! The only reason the bio dad should ever be needed is if there's a need to answer genetic questions, and even then it may not be necessary.

Mom & Dad - posted on 12/01/2011

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His real Dad is the one who is raising him. Your X is nothing but a sperm donor.

Georgeann - posted on 11/30/2011

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Just make sure that when your son asks questions you both tell him the truth, that he is loved & wanted by this man & cares for him as his own. Also he's old enough to know weather his real father has been around for him, just be honest with him & tell him what you feel he can understand for his age but, if he asks then he can understand! My mother lied to me bout my dad til I was 30, even tho I knew "my dad" wasn't my real dad @ the age of 7.

Beatriz - posted on 11/29/2011

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My first husband died before my daughter was born and when she was 1 1/2 I met an amazing man who has been the only father she has ever know, which is the case with your son. From the beginning I told my daughter she was so lucky she had two dads and really made it a positive situation. You're situation is a little different, but it would still be good to tell him but keep the negative reasons to yourself. Good luck-it sounds like your husband is a great dad, which is amazing.

Connie - posted on 11/29/2011

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I would at least wait till the child is old enuff to understand what you are talking about otherwise you may confuse him

Crysta - posted on 11/29/2011

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I come from this type of family,i love my dad(the man who raised me) but it would of been nice to know the truth before i was 10.

[deleted account]

I agree with Tamara. I would sit him down and explain it to him something like this:

Do you know that dad actually chose you to be his son? It wasn't an accident. He really wanted you for a son. There was another man who is your birth father, but dad has been a real father to you and he loves you so much. You are so lucky to have someone who loves you that much.

At six, he likely won't have a ton of questions. Once you've broken the ice in that way, he will likely have questions as he goes along. Answer them as they come up and always remind him that Dad chose him because he loves him that much. If he seems to be struggling, get him some counseling.

I have cousins who were adopted. Their parents told them from a young age and they had no issues as they got older. I have a friend who didn't find out her step-dad wasn't her real dad until she was an adult. She really struggled with it and still does in her 40s.

Toni - posted on 11/28/2011

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answer your sons questions as simple as possible. Tell him he has two daddy's is blood-bio-daddy who was unable to be a father is not around but when ever you want to know something about him it is okay to ask. Tell him is second at home dad is the one who takes care of him.... and does what ever it is they do together and he does not mind if you ask questions about you bio-dad..

Abigail - posted on 11/28/2011

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We told my son when he was 15. I wanted to tell him earlier, but my husband was uncomfortable. We told him that he was lucky because he was the only child that dad got to choose, and that made him so special. He took it very well, and it actually made him and his dad closer, because he respected the fact that he stayed by him even though he didn't really have too. What makes it even more unique is he is my step-son, and his bio mother is my husband's ex-wife. They divorced, and he chose to stay his father through the tumultuous divorce and the time following. My hubby is amazing, and we both have an amazing son because of his love for his son.

User - posted on 11/28/2011

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RE: "He is too young to really understand now, when he has some understanding he will be totally upset when you tell him his Dad is not his real dad and when he is older as in teenager he will rebel."

I really disagree. Because he's not told NOW and may not be told until he's a teen does not mean he'll rebel, although it could happen. It could happen whether or not he knows the truth or not.

Please think about this - The family he knows and trusts will see him through. But when he's older, he will understand the whole complex situation.

Valerie - posted on 11/28/2011

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Please don't wait too long.... I decided to wait and then my daughter found out by accident and resented me for lying to her.

Mandee - posted on 11/28/2011

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So my son is almost 3 and he calls my partner dad. He does know he has a different father but he is still a little to young to understand. His real dad has only seen him enough times to count on one hand. I would tell him that your husband has been with himsince he was too young to know but let him know that someone else is his father soon. My brother did not know about our father until he was nearly an adult and still resents his mother mostly because he was an only child but did have a brother and sister! Don't let it go too far he will understand.

Amy - posted on 11/28/2011

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There is no good or perfect time to tell him. He is too young to really understand now, when he has some understanding he will be totally upset when you tell him his Dad is not his real dad and when he is older as in teenager he will rebel. Well, even if you tell him now he will probably rebel as a teen anyway. My sister told her daughter that she has a bio father and the man she married was not him and she is totally rebelling as a teen and life in that household is brutal and even more so since the divorce and more with the new man who is trying to be her Dad. Big mess,just be very careful. You have to feel this one out. When kids have this info and become teens, their hormones andbrains get out of whack and think no one cares when they are blood relations and it will be worse for non blood relations. Counseling and close observation may be inorder at that stage.

Jessica - posted on 11/28/2011

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The great thing about kids is they rely on every word you tell them, it's ok to tell him about his sperm donor (last thing you need is him trying to come around and now your child is all confused). You can let him know how much your husband loves him and just because he didn't create him doesn't mean he loves him any less. Alot of us are scared of what we want to tell our children but what we fail to realize is most of the time they are stronger than we are. I wish you the best of luck in this situation and if all else fails talk to a therapist or pastor to find ways to talk to him about it.

Jennie - posted on 11/28/2011

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I believe hes too young to know at the moment. Wait until hes older. The father has not shown up to see him anyway.

Lesia - posted on 11/28/2011

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This is quite a debate, but the only real issue that I see is, not if, but when the child can handle the information. Family situations are so varied and kids see that there are all kinds of families. I don't really think it would be that big of a shock to him as long as it is done in small bits when he is ready. He obviously knows his Dad loves him and that's the main thing. He will be able to process bio dad easier knowing real dad is there for him.

Lisa - posted on 11/28/2011

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It takes a man to make a baby but it takes a real man to be a father. I was in the same situation and my husband is a great father. just tell him like it is and if later in life he wants to meet his real dad let him . He just maybe a little disappointed when he meets his dad.

Tina - posted on 11/28/2011

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melissa, i was in a similar situation with my oldest when she was 3. the only advice i can give is be honest with your son. the first thing you should do, is contact your local domestic relations office about getting financial support for your son from his absentee father. you know what your son is able to handle, so tell him what he needs to know. also, as in my case, if you and your husband are talking about his father, dont badmouth him in front of your son. kids hear more than we think they do. your son will figure out, on his own, what kind of person his bio dad is. like many of us have said, be totally honest with your son, when the questions come up. good luck melissa.

Jenny - posted on 11/28/2011

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you will know when the time is right dont leave it untill he is 16 17 a friend just found out his dad isnt his dad and he is one peed off man

Erika - posted on 11/28/2011

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Tell him immediately, the sooner the better. Don't give him the detailed reason - just tell him, that mummy and daddy could not get along. If you can manage, avoid being too negative about his dad. You will see the advantage in this approach latest in 10 years!!!

Karen - posted on 11/27/2011

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My 4 kids have their father - who like your little fella's father had issues!!!!!! but they have a dad too. Their father helped create them and their dad raises them - a dad is hands on - there to calm them when they are sad, fix things when they are broken and love them unconditionally :D

User - posted on 11/27/2011

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i really wish we were all sitting in a circle talking face to face! There are so many varying backgrounds and ideas, and it would be so nice to just sit and converse.

First, I am all for honesty but at an appropriate time and in the appropriate situation. I am not saying that he NEVER needs to know. but at his young age if he’s not asking and if the bio dad isn’t interfering and wanting visitation, I’d let it go until he’s truly old enough to understand. There have been comments about people not being told about similar situations until they were older. I can understand the feelings and wouldn’t want to be on either side of that one. If he had been asking I would feel somewhat differently, but I would still soft pedal it by telling him yes, you have a “father” but he’s never really been your Dad. Your Dad is ______, (fill in the blank).

My take comes from the facts that -

1. He has never known his bio dad and has only known his stepdad as a father. He doesn’t as far as I understand (and I can make mistakes) even know he has “another dad. If he had knowledge of or recollections of his bio dad, there might be a need to tell him, but I didn’t get that from the post.

2. He is too young really understand reproduction in a normal, positive context, so how do you explain that anyway? I know there are ways, but if he's not asking, it doesn't yet matter to him, and all he cares about is that he has the security of being part of a family with a dad and a mom.

3. I also believe in honesty, but it has to be honed to a child’s understanding. If he asks, on his own, or if you sense STRONGLY that he wonders if he has “another dad” out there, then tell him, but I don’t understand why it should be done now, given the fact that he has a DAD who cares about him.

There will be a right time, but maybe when he’s older, when he asks and when both you and your husband can sit down and tell him together. That way he’ll have the security of knowing he has his family, intact, and with all the security a child should have.

Veda - posted on 11/27/2011

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I told my son when he was seven. My fiance was the only he knew until then. I was careful not to say negative things about his "father". I just explained that he was not mature enough or ready for the responsibility so I did it on my own until I was blessed with the man he thought was his dad. He was confused and hurt but he appreciated the dad he had.

Rebecca - posted on 11/27/2011

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I don't think there is a right age. My son is 8 and still don't feel as if he is ready. He is very sensitive and not as mature as some 8 yr olds. It is such a hard decision!!

Cheri - posted on 11/27/2011

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We adopted 2 kids after their parents rights were severed. We have always been open about it. We tell them that Dad is dad, Mom is mom and that Frank is the birth father and Marge is birth mom. We have answered their questions honestly, with information given based on age. We have never bad mouthed their bio's. When they are 18 and want to ask questions we will answer honestly and fully. They are 16 and 17 now. We will give them full details about bio's, if they ask. It would include why the rights were severed. Until then we have just told them that Frank and Marge did not have the skills it took to take care of them. Which sounds like the same reasons your ex isn't in the picture.
You should start the conversation now, it is not too early. Just give what he can understand at this age. If you wait he may resent you and Dad later.
Good luck.

Felicia - posted on 11/27/2011

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Thank you so much for posting this question. (sorry, this ended up being a lot longer than I planned)
I've read a lot of the comments that help with the position I'm in. My 6 yr old's dad wanted me to abort when I told him I was pregnant. We weren't married. He's seen her twice. First when she was not quite 1 (we met at a restaurant). The second time was when she was about 3, I guess, when he came up to visit. She's seen pics of him on the computer just because she wanted to know what he looked like. She's 6 now and has been asking questions since she was between 4 and 5. Things like why doesn't he visit or call. When she gets pics taken at school she wants to send one to him, so I do. She's drawn pics for him.
I have a now 19 yr old son from my first and only marriage and he's awesome. Even with the age difference they love each other so much. He lives with his dad though, which was good at the time for the three of us. They don't use the word 'step' ever. Just before she was born I changed back to my maiden name so we'd have the same last name, even though my ex said it was fine with him if I didn't change mine and used it as her last name. (We're great friends and he's remarried to an awesome woman).
Anyway she says that she thinks about her 'daddy' a lot, which breaks my heart. I'm in contact with his fiancé' and she passes things along, but I hate for her to be in the middle just because he's too much of an ass to answer my letters or emails himself. I've never bad mouthed him in front of her. He's considered at 'the sperm donor' by my family and friends.
She has no real father figure in her life. She has her big brother (my son) and my brother-in-law. He's more like a grandpa than an uncle. When there are things at church or school for fathers, he goes with her. Because of the lack of good male role models in her life, she's also had trouble warming up to older men at church, but most people know my situation and are very careful and caring so they don't scare her or whatever.
When she asks the questions about her 'daddy' I just tell her that it's his loss not to see what an awesome, smart and beautiful girl she is. I tell her that it’s his choice, no matter how wrong we may think it is.
I’m definitely going to use Victoria’s explanation next time about God’s plan for every child. Like Kim posted a few days ago I do “keep reminding her that she is unconditionally loved by God, me and extended family.” I used to have his family medical history in a file, but when I looked for it because she’s now going to Play Therapy because of this, I couldn’t find it, so I sent him a letter asking about it. That was almost 2 months ago. I can remember that a couple people have diabetes and he takes meds for schizophrenia.
Okay so after all that, basically my opinion is to answer the questions honestly and in terms they might understand. I ask her afterwards if whatever I said made sense to her and if not, i try again, but sometimes I just say that when she gets a little older she will understand things better and that we can talk about it again then. My son was really upset the last time he was here (Halloween weekend) because she asked him why her daddy didn't come see her. He really didn't know what to say, so he told her that he didn't know but that it's his problem, not hers and that she has so many people who love her. When he told me this, we both got teary eyed. I wish you and you husband the best of luck helping your son understand. I always ask God to give me the best answer for her at the time.

Amanda - posted on 11/27/2011

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Hi again! I love this comment thread - everyone is so sensible and helpful!!!! xoxo I totally agree with Jen Fishinger and Lecia Donalson's experiences..... I just wanted to reply about the 'wait until he asks' idea that comes up a bit.... As a kid, if I wasn't told something relatively important by my parents, and it waited until I just happened to ask, it would break my trust in them. "What else haven't they told me?"... "How do I know what to ask about, that I thought was real but secretly isn't?"... Maybe it's a good thing to teach children to question their reality, or maybe it's not, I don't know. It might totally depend on the individual child.

Emma - posted on 11/27/2011

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I am almost 30, my dad is my dad, even though hes not my biological father. I have always known my bio dads name but no real urge to track him down. They would say that while to him I was and always will be my dads daughter, he is not my biological father. In these cases the saying 'it takes more than some sperm to be a daddy' rings very true. I know of many men who have taken on kids that arent their own but treat them as if they were.
Just be honest with your son. Tell him that non bio dad loves him very much and will always be there for him. You dont need to tell him how horrible his bio dad is, just that things didnt work out. If you think bio dad cares about him, tell him that too. When hes older let him know its ok to track down bio dad if thats something he feels he needs to do. If he does it isnt anything against the man that raises him, some of us have a strong urge to know more about ourselves (a friend of mine for example has recently tracked down half siblngs to her father that she never met)

Robyn - posted on 11/27/2011

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My husband took on my 1st child. Unfortunately, my son was 5, at the time, and already knew that he wasn't my hubby's biological son. My ex had the same problems as yours. In fact, he said that as long as I didn't want money, he didn't care about "the brat." To get around the problem of telling my son about his bio-dad's problems, I told him that the man was "sick" and couldn't make good decisions. One of his bad decisions was not wanting such a great kid as my son. When my hubby came into the picture, we discussed the difference between a "Real" daddy and a "blood" daddy. I told him that a "blood" daddy was the person who helped make him, but a "Real" daddy was the person who helped raise him and loved him. My son is 13, now, and considers my hubby to be his dad.

Carol - posted on 11/27/2011

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I just think that if there's not a reason to gell him, don't. He needs the security of knowing he has a Mom and a Dad, something some kids never have.

Mary - posted on 11/27/2011

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i always let my child know who his dad is but he has never came around my son is six to and my daughter is four my daughter has never seen her father but i do have a pic of him and let tthen loo at it dont put him down in front of ur son just tell him that he is not around and not sure if he will never be he but i want u to now who he was if u keep a secret he will not forgive u

Carol - posted on 11/27/2011

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I would follow Dr. Laura's advice, which I believe would be to tell him at an older age, if and when the time comes. Stand firm on the fact that his DAD is the man who raised him and has loved him. Period. His father hasn't been a Dad in any way, and his "real" dad is the one who has always been his Dad. I definitely wouldn’t tell him until he’s much older. He’s probably not ready to understand reproduction yet, so why rock the boat? Your husband IS his Dad!

Celeste - posted on 11/27/2011

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I wouldn't call him aliar of defame him. Just let your son know he was not ready for parenthood( or if you were datng only let him knoe and then say " but a man found us and chose you to be his son and a father too! Good luck

Lesia - posted on 11/27/2011

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Many moms seem to be on the same page, which is encouraging to me. I adopted a child at birth who is 100%a biological sibling to my niece, also adopted at birth. We used the "A" word in front of them casually, and when they were ready, we gave them age appropriate bits of information. Now they are well-adjusted teens who understand the easier parts of the story and understand there were issues with the biological parents. They know how much they are loved, and that is the most important thing, I think.

I think it might have made things more difficult if we had waited, if we told them the not so nice things about their birth parents, or if we told them nothing. The consensus here seems to support our choice.

Good luck, but remember most of all to tell him what he can understand at his age,and that he was chosen by your husband to love.

Kristy - posted on 11/27/2011

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I'm in the same situation, my son is 4.5, he doesn't understand why he can't stay up later than normal or why he can't climb the cupboards, how is he going to understand that his step dad really isn't his dad!

Alexandra - posted on 11/26/2011

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i would tell him who is real father is, but i would point out what the situation is and point out how your husband likes your son as a son.

Sally - posted on 11/26/2011

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when my daughter was little ( she is now 19 ), i told her of her father,there was nothing nice about him to tell her, so i told her the truth, he left me when found out i was pregnant and hasnt come back, when she was 5 months old he sent me $500 i returned it , then when she was 4 years old he showed up at my work wanting to see her ,i wouldn't let him, i told her about him when she was in 5th grade. i got married when she was 1 1/2 and had another kid ( by my husband) , my oldest had stated calling him ( my husband) daddy wheh she started talking,i was already engaged at the time to my now husband, so to answer your ?, it all depends on if you both feel comfortable with your boy calling him dad, and you will know when the right time is to tell him of his real father.

Brandy - posted on 11/25/2011

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I'm in the same boat. My son is calling my now fiance daddy. He doesn't remember his father from the times he came to visit because they were so very few and far between.
Remember it takes a man to make a baby but a real man to raise one that isn't his

Debbi - posted on 11/25/2011

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Be honest with your son. Let him know that his father has his faults and that Dad stepped in to do what his father couldn't (yes, there is a BIG difference between being a father and being a dad), but do what my mother did...... tell your son some good things about his father. There may be a time when his father straightens his life out and may want to be a part of your sons life.

Liz - posted on 11/25/2011

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I'm in the same boat. I have a 1 year old daughter and my ex has never seen her in fact he hasn't seen me since 2 days before I rang him up to say I was pregnant. He has called saying he wanted access but then I found out he was in prison after months of waiting. My bbe girl in her mind is that my fiancee is the father and we do plan to tell her when shes 10. My partner thought his dad was his dad till his older brother told him out of spite and it really hurt him, he doesn't want our daughter to go through the same pain.

Michelle - posted on 11/25/2011

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I would not tell him any of the "bad" things about his father that you listed. Even if the things are true, its never good to bash the other parent in front of the child. I would just tell him that his dad was having a hard time or was having some problem etc, that had nothing to do with your son, just that he was getting some help. Or somthing along those lines

Paulette - posted on 11/25/2011

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You will have a situation or question come up shortly- plenty of other kids have step dads and you will find the situation.Or he will ask.My husband always knew his father wasn't his step father,However he doesnt need to know till teens that his father has issues.This was where my husband has had problems with a mother who wqas and is still vitriolic towards him leaving.Alot of kids start asking questons around 6 or 7 .They notice they arent the same as their Dad.Gradual comments you are alike to your Dad and name.My sister n-law always said Richard is like his Dad.Not Bob his Dad in every sense of the word but Genetics.Good luck.You just do it the way you feel most comfortable.Congratulations for not making a big secret which can come out and really upset the apple cart.

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