When is a good age to tell my son that his Daddy is not his bioligical father?

Jenn - posted on 03/26/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

12

38

0

My son's biological father is not in the picture at all but my boyfriend has been his "Daddy" even before he was born and plans to adopt him when we get married. When is the right time to tell my son that his Daddy is not his real father?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ashley - posted on 03/26/2010

956

23

136

honestly when hes young but old enough to understand it .. tell him that daddy is still his daddy just not his father .. i was raised by a my who wasnt my father from the time i was 6 months old and he was a great dad i never felt the need to be angry about it or go looking for the other man .. my dad pasted away when i was 12 but my father still hasnt had a damn thing to do with me

7 Comments

View replies by

Mandy - posted on 07/24/2014

1

0

0

I meet my X when I was 16 years old we had my oldest son when I was 21, we stayed together until my son was 5 years old then split up for 3 years, in which time I meet a man,fell pregnant and endured domestic violence until my youngest son was born. A week after he was born he was arrested for domestic violence and was ordered to stay away from me. My oldest sons dad whom I stayed friends with was there for me and my boys and we ended up getting back together only 2 split 4 years later. My youngest son calls him dad and I changed his name to be the same as my oldest boys, this has never been a problem until I found out he is taking heroin and has no time 2 b a dad at all. I feel my oldest son has come 2 terms with what his dad does and I am there for my oldest 100% but feel my youngest son needs a dad whom puts in effort 2 b there for him, my dilemma is I sort of know my youngest sons dad wants a chance 2 b a dad 2 him but has done as I asked and left us alone, I feel stuck as 2 what steps I should take for my sons well being and what 2 do for the best for him, please help as I am so worried I am messing him up some how. Thanks worried mam. X

Rosie - posted on 03/27/2010

8,657

30

321

i told my son at age 5 i think maybe 4. it was very simple at that time, he asked a few easy questions and we were done. i told my son that he has 2 daddies, the one who made him "daddy leo" wasn't able to take care of him, so "daddy chad" loved him so much that he takes care of him. he's ten now and my husband recently adopted him.
my husband found out that the man he thought was his father wasn't his biological father at the age of 14. he overheard a conversation his mother was having with his step dad. he was absolutely furious that EVERYBODY in his life could lie to him. cause it's not only the parents, it's grandparents, aunts ,uncles, family,friends etc. i definitely feel that telling them as early as possible is for the best. i didn't want to have my son call him dad until we were married, and he got used to that so that's whyit wasn't until he was 4-5 or else i would've told him sooner.

Carmen - posted on 03/26/2010

7

0

1

This might sound crazy, but the difference between "father" and "daddy" often is LOST on smaller kids. At age 5 or 6, explaining that the man who's married to Mommy, whom he calls Daddy and who loves him with all his heart, isn't the man who put him in Mommy's tummy, could be more confusing than beneficial. To me, if the man marries you and adopts your son and gives him his name, he IS his daddy. The "father" had his chance, and if he signs off for the adoption, there you go. I don't think you're lying to him by NOT telling him ASAP. Only you will know when he is mature enough to tell him. Age is just a number, you know? He may eventually notice that he doesn't look like "Daddy" very much, and that might be a way to open that door.

Nicole - posted on 03/26/2010

19

23

2

Hi Jenn, I had to do this same thing. I have 3 boys and I had to tell my now 9yr old that his real father was not who he called daddy. I brought both of my boys in their room sat down on the floor and started to talk to them about it. @ the time he was 5. I had tears in my eyes because I dint know how either of my boys were going to take this news. The first thing that came out of his mouth was, "YAY he's not my real brother!" OMG, I laughed so hard because I was not expecting that. So I must say he lightend the moment and took it well @ the age of five. Also I let him know that if he ever wanted to talk about it any other time he could.

Jenn - posted on 03/26/2010

12

38

0

I want to tell him young rather than a teenager that would rebel and get angry at us for lying to him, but I don't want to tell him too young where he doesn't understand. I'm just trying to find a happy medium. Thanks for the advice!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms