When is a spanking necessary??
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
This conversation has been closed to further comments
TealRose - posted on 06/05/2011
Never ever! Think of it this way .. you can't hit an animal, or adult or even a criminal but ... use the magic word 'discipline' and you can hit your defenceless child, who is at least 2/3 smaller and lighter than you?? No, it teaches lack of respect for the child. If an adult wants / expects respect then they have to earn it too - it goes both ways.
The 'I was spanked and am fine' line doesn't make any sense - anymore than ' I was run over by a car and I am fine' does. We all know that not everyone run over by a car ends up being fine!
I am a 56 yr old grandmother who being spanked for the first time, lost my love, respect and trust for my parents. I have never and will never respect and trust anyone who hits me or anyone else. Love? I never felt loved, and the post spanking 'pep talk' of 'I love you ..' never meant a thing as they had just hit me.
As adults, we are always able to act kindly, gentle and with compassion. Children are just that .. children and not perfect and we are here to teach them how to grow up gradually into adults who are able to think for themselves - ie not just frightened as children not to do something because they might be hit, but because it is wrong or dangerous.
I never hit my children - and they are now great adults, and my daughter has two children two whom she doesn't hit - and they are really kind, delightful little beings !!!
i am not in fear or resentment in my life and i got a good old wollop when i was a kid and i thank my parents for it now i have have grown up to be a resectful adult with my own 3 children who i hope will have the same values when they are adults
User - posted on 07/13/2009
There is a big (huge) difference between spanking a child who is being disobedient and abusing a child. We do spank as a form of discipline for right out defiance, but it is not our first resort. Our son is told no, if he choses to be defiant than he receives another warning, and if he choses to still be defiant than he gets a pop on the leg. Rarely do we have to resort to spanking, but when we do we go back give hugs and let him know exactly why we spanked him reassuring him that we love him. Spanking is also not used in every instance as well. For example if he is throwing a toy and we have asked him to stop, he refuses than the consequence of that is he loses the toy.
Spanking is not abuse, it is not mistreating a child, and it is not wrong as long as a parent is not doing it in anger. If you are not comfortable with it personally that is your own choice, but to say that because someone else choses to spank that it is abusing, using violence, or hurting their child is wrong. I also do not believe it teaches children to hit either. My son has never had an issue with hitting us or other children, he has never been violent with us either. If spanking is done correctly than it doesn't teach them those things. My son is not fearful of us at all and is very loving, again we do not spank a lot, but we do spank when needed. I was also spanked as a child, not often, but when I blantly disobeyed and I have never had a fear of my parents or resentment. I have always had a close relationship with them.
Minnie - posted on 07/13/2009
I agree with Marne Shanklin! If the kid is doing something that puts their life or body in serious danger. It would be like a swat on the butt not a bend over my knee and get a paddling.
So after said child gets his swat, do you now trust him to play in the front yard with a ball by himself? I guarantee you, if the ball ends up bouncing into the street that your child will not be thinking "better not go there, mommy's gonna swat me!" No, he will be thinking "my ball my ball my ball!!"
Spanking is no replacement for vigilant parenting.
Children are not mature enough to control their impulses. Spanking or no spankig, they will grow out of the impulse-driven stage. So what benefit were the spankings if a child who was never spanked came to the same point in life as the one who was?
I definately agree with you Marne Shanklin i have 3 girls one is still a baby but my 2yr old and 5 yrd have a lot more respect than my sisters 2 children who never get a spanking i do believe in it there is a difference between disapline and abuse
Marne - posted on 07/13/2009
When they are doing something that could get them seriously hurt. A little 'owwie' and the sheer shock drives home the point that what they did was a big time NO and they are less likely to risk it again. ESPECIALLY if spanks are reserved for the truely serious stuff like running into the road or up to strange dogs or grabbing the hot oven. You should start around the time they can do this kind of thing, usually 11 monthes and up. I do a swat for each year. 1 swat if they are 1 2 if they are 2 and so on. It seems to work for me. My kids are loving and respectful and at 4,4, and 7 I never have to get after them about the road or the fire pit while my brothers 2 are constantly getting scolded (they don't believe in spanking) about these things at 5 and 6. I figure a little 'owwie' and some shock are much preferrable to an emergency room.
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms