When is ever ok to sleep with a MARRIED man??

Tara - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 102 moms have responded )

46

0

2

Am I alone here, I don't think it's ok to sleep with a married man at all no matter who you are.. I feel that the wife should know and the person she be told about themselves.. Im I nuts??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 08/23/2012

11,674

0

1349

To answer your topic title question.... when you are the one married to him. ;) Otherwise.... if he did it WITH you... he can do it TO you as well. If the woman KNOWS he's married... well, that's just pathetic and desperate no matter what the 'excuse' may be.

A - posted on 08/28/2012

214

4

13

Um no if a man cheats instead of speaking to his wife about that it is his fault. It's called personal responsibility.

[deleted account]

I haven't read the rest of the posts (because I feel lazy today) but the only time Ican think when it's ok would be when the wife gives complete, uncoerced permission or is involved herself.

Johnny - posted on 08/24/2012

8,686

26

322

Angel, some people wait years to finalize their divorce. One of my co-worker's husband ran off on her and totally disappeared for over 10 years. Her divorce could not be finalized until he turned up. His own parents were trying to help her by tracking him down. His kids were completely abandoned by him and her fiance took on the role of father. Should they have waited to start their relationship until the deadbeat husband/dad decided to show up again? Things aren't always so black & white.

Imbeautifuldawn - posted on 08/24/2012

48

1

0

Yes. It is ok to sleep with a married man -IF YOU ARE HIS WIFE!

Under no circumstances should any woman sleep with another woman's husband.



1. You deserve better. To have a man commit to YOU and you alone. To not have to share finances, affection, children, time, attention with another woman and her family. It becomes a competition to try and get more from a guy when you really deserve it all. Have a standard or two!



2. Because it hurts the kids. Quite often families are involved. So even if his wife is a beast, those kids deserve a father who is engaged in their lives and not spending time and money on a mistress. They need dad to be available for them. Will he likely find another woman? Yes. But do you want those kids' destroyed lives on your shoulders? No.



3. Because we woman should stick together. While sick with my oldest in the hospital I stumbled upon an episode of Jerry Springer (yeah, mature, right?). I was amazed! This guy brings his wife on to tell her a secret and the secret is that he is cheating on her with her cousin. So these two girls proceed to have a fist fight , on the stage, over this stupid loser guy -who is smiling from ear to ear over these girls fighting over HIM!

Girls! You should BOTH kick him to the curb! A cheating guy is not worth a single moment of sorrow or a single bit of effort. We need to stick together ladies! We need to stop doing to other women what we would be devistated by ourselves! We need to have enough respect for other women to keep out hands off their hubbies and give their marriage a fighting chance.



4. If he will cheat WITH you he will cheat ON you. REAL men who have REAL character don't have affairs. They don't string you along. If they are WORTH loving, they will be the kind of man who is faithful and truly committed. Hold out for that kid of man.



You are NOT crazy! :)

This conversation has been closed to further comments

102 Comments

View replies by

Tatiana - posted on 11/27/2012

2

0

0

What about when they are not legally separated, just a couple of months separated and the wife and little children love and miss him?

Tara - posted on 11/22/2012

46

0

2

well said chrisdee... If I wasn't happy in my marriage I would leave. You only stay if you love the person and want to make things work. You don't stay with someone and sleep around and with kids in the middle just makes it worse.

Chrisdee - posted on 10/17/2012

35

0

1

John,



Cheating is not about sex or desire at all. It is betrayal and deception and totally unnecessary. If you want better sex or a new relationship, more power to you. End the marriage first and move on. Desire will change in any relationship over time. Love is the force that begins where desire and lust ends. Danielle is right that you will reap what you sow, and it may not be in someone you love finding better sex with another man, but deception and betrayal will be returned to you.

Tara - posted on 10/15/2012

46

0

2

This was going on for 4 years my Husband would comment here and there to his mother that he didn't like it but was always told that he wasn't with the wife. When finding out that he now has a child with his wife is when my husband lost it and told the wife what was going on. When it was just them he thought it was wrong but never said to much but when I kid was in the middle he was turned that his mother would do a thing like that and freaked out. Hey some ppl might think he didn't do right that it was none of his business but like he said he would want to know if it was him with a young kid and his wife was doing that.

Tasley - posted on 10/14/2012

24

0

0

I believe if you are not the women he is cheating with, then it's not your place to tell his wife. To answer your question is never ok to cheat married or not. Cheaters posses a quality of not having a conscious. They go out and do what ever and then come back home to their spouse like nothing ever happened. And you know what is really funny once the cheater leaves their spouse and the home wrecker invites him with open arms like their going to live happily ever after. I believe a relationship ends the way it starts. If it starts off wrong then it's going to end wrong.

Grace - posted on 10/09/2012

1

0

0

Marriages are not supposed to be disposable, and no relationship will stay in the "head over heels" phase forever. Love is a choice (unlike attraction), and so is cheating. Choosing to sleep with a married person is selfish and hurtful. At the very least, have the decency and strength of character to tell your spouse BEFORE selfishly acting on your feelings for someone else. Your feelings are not an excuse to hide your actions and humiliate your (or someone else's) spouse or their family.

Sylvia - posted on 10/01/2012

6

0

0

I believe in fidelity myself, and while I have slept with a married man, I have never knowingly slept with a married man, except when the man and his wife were long seperated and in the process of getting divorced.



But what is much worse than sleeping with someone else's husband, is being unfaithful to your own spouse. The person that has promised to be faithful is not the other woman, who has never met you, but your husband. It is he who is the one breaking his promise.



I have never understood women blaming the other woman for their husband's infdelity. It's like - your husband can't help himself? She made him do it? C'mon! If that is the kind of guy he is, he is never going to be faithful. It's hardly the fault of the other woman that your husband has this character flaw.



I believe that all of us, man or woman, is sometimes tested. There are always going to be attractive members of the opposite sex wanting a little action with us. You have to decide what kind of person you want to be - one that "can't help yourself'" and cheats, or one that has the strength and character to say no, I am married. Whatever problems you have in your marriage, infidelity is not the answer. The man or woman that doesn't get this is never going to have a good marriage.



That said, in my view it is stupid to sleep with a married man, because you're going to get hurt when he refuses to leave his wife for you, or if you don't want him to leave his wife, why are you sleeping with him in the first place? If you don't care about him, what kind of woman are you if you can so callously and so casually do something that could end their marriage? Why not find someone unmarried instead?



Just my 2 cents.

Cyndel - posted on 09/30/2012

754

24

54

Sleep with a married man? If he is your husband.

If both husband and wife are ok with an open relationship.

NEVER sneaking around.

Oh, and though not an ideal situation...when you don't know he is a married man.

Mary - posted on 09/29/2012

26

19

0

It is NEVER ok to sleep with a married man. I sure hope that his wife has found out. Good luck to you.

Michelle - posted on 09/29/2012

169

29

8

So Tara what happened after you told the wife of this dirt bag he was cheating? Is yor mil still with the guy or has he moved on?

Pauline - posted on 09/25/2012

11

0

0

no your not nuts,i agree if people are married and still toghther, seperated its not cheating if they are still together and married it is not ok

Angela - posted on 09/16/2012

2,457

9

322

Well I probably would myself but I don't know anyone who is actually doing that. I have a friend who has some kind of relationship with a man in those circumstances but I don't know how far the relationship actually goes. She may well be sleeping with him, but I don't know that for certain.



At the opposite end of the spectrum, I have a distant relative who spent all her best years caring for parents who had her late in life. She was their only child and she'd had one boyfriend when she was in her early 20's which her mother soon got rid of! She was only in her early 30's when her father died but her mother lasted for a great many years into her 90's. I once asked what she did for a living and her mother cut in with "Oh she can't go out to work, she has to look after ME!"



I don't believe that's a healthy set-up either. What chance did she have of even MEETING someone, much less developing a relationship in those circumstances?



We really need to walk a mile in the shoes of anyone whose morals we'd question or criticize.

A - posted on 09/16/2012

214

4

13

I would have less respect for a man if he cheated on his wife who was suffering from Alzheimers or dementia.

Angela - posted on 09/16/2012

2,457

9

322

Yes Angel, the marriage vows ARE about sticking together in sickness and in health. But when the sickness is in the mind rather than the body and the person is a completely different spouse to the husband/wife they knew and loved for years, something is lost - it's like the original person is dead .... I'm referring to serious dementia, Alzheimers etc .... not ordinary illnesses or even SERIOUS illnesses that may be gravely physically debilitating. This type of illness isn't necessarily terminal either - a person can last for years in this condition.



There's no way I'd form a relationship with a man whose wife was in this position. If my own husband's health degenerated in this manner, I wouldn't be looking for a new man. But do you know something? It's difficult to make such an assertion when it hasn't happened to you. Talk's cheap when you haven't been put to the test, it's even cheaper if you go to your own grave NEVER having been put to the test.



So it might be better to state that I HOPE I wouldn't do something like that. I won't judge those who do though.

Sally - posted on 09/16/2012

577

5

11

Its completly wrong to sleep with a married person unless they have parted and just waiting on a divorce. I do believe though that some people , men and women are incapable of remaining faithfully in a relationship. Not sure why this is the case but sadly it is

A - posted on 09/16/2012

214

4

13

Angela, I get what you are saying but aren't the vows in sickness and in health?

Angela - posted on 09/16/2012

2,457

9

322

I sleep with a married man on a regular basis, he's my husband! It's always OK in these circumstances!



I would NEVER sleep with a man married to somebody else though - whether I was married myself or not. I would not condone it for others either - and NOT from a moral standpoint, but life is so much happier and simpler if you don't get involved with a man married to somebody else - or even someone who is involved in a relationship with someone else (and not married). Isn't life complicated enough without purposely complicating one's own love life as well?



There is one situation where although I would steer clear myself and not get involved with the married man, I would have some sympathy for those who do. When the wife is in some degenerative illness which may or may not be terminal and her mind is different to before she had her illness this is very hard for the husband. He may well support her and care for her etc .... but long for female company where he can just talk to someone on equal terms, someone understanding and supportive to him. When bonds like this are built between a married man with a sick wife and another woman that grows close to him, at some point the relationship may well get sexual. I still wouldn't do this BUT I'd not judge those who did. I have a friend, a very lovely, respectable caring woman who is in a relationship with a man in these circumstances. She is sensible, has a lovely nature and is very nice looking for her age (50's). She could no doubt get a worthy man who was free to love her back 100% without a sick wife in the background. But that's none of my business.



If he gets joy and respite from his relationship with my friend, then he's most likely going to be a better and stronger husband (in the limited sense he still CAN be a husband) to his afflicted wife.

Chrisdee - posted on 09/16/2012

35

0

1

It is not ok to sleep with a married man. As the now "ex" wife to a married man who slept with a single woman, let me provide a bit of perspective. First, this man is not honorable or honest, no matter what he is telling this single woman. My ex advised his lover that we were separated. A lie. Additionally, he is likely also sleeping with his wife, and perhaps someone else. We had been married for 12 years. That said, it was devastating to our children to find photos of their father and this woman on a social networking site. Additionally, it was truly embarassing to me as the wife to have to be tested for STDs as I had been totally monogamous for over 12 years. Single ladies value yourselves. Any man who lies and deceives you or his wife is not worth it. Also, does not mean that he is "safe". He is likely lying to other women along with you. Finally, there may be children involved - innocent people who deserve better. That said, single ladies you deserve better. If he is lying to a wife and kids that he vowed to honor, do you really think he loves or respects you?



There is no excuse for infidelity. It is nothing more than betrayal and deceit. I am thankful now because there is obviously someone better for me. I have no desire to be with someone who would treat me and my children this poorly. I feel that the other woman is actually worse off because she knew of his poor character when she started the relationship, I didn't. Really sad.

Marketta - posted on 09/13/2012

1

6

0

It is never o.k. to do this . Why would you put yourself in that predicament? If he does it with you he will do the same if you get serious about each other . And if children are involved it will tare the family apart . I would never want to be know as a home wrecker . If you do not love yourself more than that then you need some help !!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/12/2012

13,254

21

2015

Hey, Tara, I agree with your husband! I knew you weren't asking because you wanted to, or some strange reason, I figured it was either a case of "my husband slept with someone", or similar concern.



First, I'm glad it wasn't your husband sleeping with someone! Second, I'm sorry that you and he are in that position, because, yes we all know it's wrong...tread lightly, though, so that hopefully things can be resolved without a lot of drama.



Ok, so that may be a little unrealistic as well...LOL...I know that, but good luck anyway!

Tara - posted on 09/12/2012

46

0

2

Shawnn I only asked this question because I think the same way but the whole family is acting like it's nothing. Some think it's wrong but don't say anything and think everyone should stay out of it but my husband feels that he has the right to say and also do something as it's his mother.. And she should know better

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/10/2012

13,254

21

2015

The ONLY time it's ok to sleep with a married man is IF YOU ARE THE ONE HE'S MARRIED TO. End of story, end of answer. Any other "activity" is cheating, infidelity, and completely WRONG.



If you can't find someone that's NOT MARRIED, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF! I can't believe that this is even a question that need to be asked.

Melissa - posted on 09/10/2012

22

9

2

Ashley Hill -"I differ. You cant help who you like. I believe it is ok to sleep with a married man. Because obviously he isn't in love his wife so why should you both suffer. Most times the married person soon divorces or leaves their current spouse. But I believe in order to know if your marriage isn't right you have to be able to like other people n that usually entails sleeping with them."





My ex husband cheated on me however he had no intention of giving me a divorce, and he would take me back in a heart beat. He wanted his "cake" and to sleep with it too. Cheaters don't cheat because they are unhappy with their marriage or how much they love their spouse it has to do with how they feel about themselves. And no I don't think your nuts just massively misinformed.

Mother Of Pearls - posted on 09/06/2012

32

0

3

there's never a right time to sleep with a married man and theres no excuse for it he is married and off the market look at it this way would you like it if its done to you ?????

Sophia - posted on 09/06/2012

193

0

40

i think its ok to sleep with a married man only if you are married to HIM. then its ok........

Linda - posted on 09/01/2012

9

0

0

Only time sleeping with a married man is acceptable is when that married man is married to you. Other than that, it isn't healthy within a marriage. Yes, I understand that some married couples feel it is ok to have relations with others outside their marriage, but no. Open marriages are NOT marriages but excuses to include as many lovers as possible. Gee, I won't how STDs are transferred in an open marriage.

Francois - posted on 09/01/2012

3

0

0

Its wrong to sleep with married people! Go and find some one and get married. If everybody is sleeping with every person then soon everybody is going to DIE of AIDS. Whats the world coming to?

Tara - posted on 09/01/2012

46

0

2

If your asking me..l0l I have been married to my husband for 4 years now but have been together for over 11 years.. His mother was split from his father of 18 years married and together for 32 for over a year when starting to see this man and this man was married to his wife for maybe 3 years when starting to see my mother in law.. So when my Mother in law told her kids she was seeing a man he was super happy that his mother finally found someone and it turned out to be a old co worker of his that he new was just married a few years before. Didn't go over well...l0l

Keri - posted on 08/31/2012

1

8

0

no ur not nuts ur concerned mind me asking how long u been married i been married for 11 years its not ok for a married man to sleep with someone who's not his wife that's a cheat to me has no respect for what married life is all about.

Diane - posted on 08/30/2012

6

16

0

This is a "no-brainer". It's theft. Its extreme immaturity. It is one of the most painful things to endure. For the woman who is doing it, if she gets the opportunity to experience it done to her, her whole perspective will change & she'll know that her decision is totally insane!!!!

Tina - posted on 08/29/2012

1,314

28

301

yeah wow cheating hardly has anything to with looks that for sure. My partner the most stupid going on dating sites etc when I was at my best physically. Now he's settled down I look after myself but I can't do much about the stress marks and what not as much as I try.



Men cheat because they can not because of how their partner looks. They do it because they're either selfish or have some serious self esteem issues themselves and it makes them feel good. There's a number of reasons. I know plenty of good looking people who have been cheated on.



If you don't like the way a person presents themselves. Don't bloody marry them or leave don't fucking cheat on them. Makes it really hard to have a relationship with anyone when you're having trust issues because some ass hole has no moral.

Stephanie - posted on 08/29/2012

22

30

1

Melissa needs to take a look at some of the women whom men cheat with, how about Prince Charles???? ... I mean, Camille compared to Princess Diana?? Statistically, the mistresss is generally not as beautiful as the cheater's wife.... That is such a jaded assumption, why would you blame it on the woman???? You can be a beauty queen, model, work out aholic... and your spouse/boyfriend could still cheat on you, it has nothing to do with it.

Tara - posted on 08/28/2012

46

0

2

I wasn't thinking that I was thinking that she is or at one point was the other women to a married man...

A - posted on 08/28/2012

214

4

13

Dove I thought that too but wasn't sure about posting it as to not upset anyone who may have gone through that. But I agree

Tara - posted on 08/28/2012

46

0

2

There is no good reason to cheat.. If your not happy then leave why sleep around on the person...

And Melissa I don't know where you come from to think it's not the man fault for cheating but that it's the women's.. And it is the girls fault if she knows about the wife and still goes on with it

Joy - posted on 08/28/2012

5

38

0

The only time it is not only O.K. to sleep with a married man but also encouraged to do so, is if you are HIS wife. period

Melissa - posted on 08/28/2012

23

0

10

maybe if women took better care of themselves their men wouldnt stray, when he does cheat on u dont just blame the girl or your husband, blame yourself too

[deleted account]

my best friend (male) is not happy in his marriage, and he has dated other women in the past few years. i dont agree but then i do agree. only because he seems so happy with his "girlfriend". He says its hard to leave his wife, their children are grown, but financially he is not able to do so. I wish i could give him advice on how to part ways with his wife if its that bad. I know he won't leave his girlfriend because he says he happy. But then in a sens it is wrong because he still leading his wife to believe that they are all right, I don't know...

Kim - posted on 08/27/2012

4

0

1

I personally think it is never ok unless the couple has an open marriage. I think people are foolish man or women if they truly believe their lover will leave their spouse for them. classic case of wanting to have the cake and eat it too!! The reality is if a person really wants out they will go no matter what. There is never an easy divorce but is better than living a big lie.

Tina - posted on 08/26/2012

1,314

28

301

You definately did the right thing Tara. I know I would want to know. I know it would hurt and piss the people off involved but a person has the right to know so they can choose whether or not they stay or not.

A - posted on 08/25/2012

214

4

13

I guess I can see if the divorce has been taking a few yrs and if both parties have moved on- but if one is still trying to hold on it is wrong, imo, to do anything before the divorce is final

Imbeautifuldawn - posted on 08/25/2012

48

1

0

But, Johanne, what about the WIFE? Telling the wife is a matter of respect for her? What if this guy is cheating with another woman too and has a disease? This is NOT meddling to protect a woman unaware. The son did the right thing. Maybe it won't stop the affair, but the truth can set the wife free!

Tara - posted on 08/25/2012

46

0

2

Arielle You make a really good point .. No matter how many times it was brought up I have never once looks at it as being ok with it is like we are saying hey it's ok to do this.. By seeing it in that way makes me feel even better that I really did do the right then and hearing something different from it's her life..

I don't know forsure if he was happy with his wife but I know he was and is still with her so if things were as bad as he was telling my mil they didnt he leave. I think he just fed her that bull just to keep it going on. And makes me sick to think she stayed with him even after finding out he was having a kid with his wife..

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms