When is it ok to talk to my 17 year old about how I have notices she is overweight and eatting way to much?

Holly - posted on 06/28/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have lost a lot of weight myself from diet and exercise. Now I have really noticed lately that my daughter is putting on a lot of weight. I have said, do you know how many calories your eatting, WOW that is way more than a serving. I have asked her to go to the gym with me, she doesn't care about how much she is eatting and I just need to shut up. My husband yells at me when I say anything to her... I am just concerned about her health....... It did take me until I found out my health was suffering to see I had to change my ways... Now I have lost 128 Lbs and exercise regularily and eat healthy. I just want the same for her and my youngest. We eat better as a family these days. She goes to McD's a lot. Can anyone give me advise on what I can do so I don't rock the boat so to speak?

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Amy - posted on 06/28/2012

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I understand, I have all the same things in my family yet their are still family members who don't make the smart choices. I actually just lost 20 lbs. with weight watchers to get myself back to a healthy weight, but it's something I had to do for myself. The other thing is remember she's 17 and moms never right at 17 ;) You could also try to plan fun family activities like hiking or biking.

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Kristi - posted on 07/02/2012

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I think McD's is the Devil's Fast Food Chain! lol Darn, it's not like you can make her get a different job. It's nice that she's responsible and motivated enough to have a job. Hopefully, she will get sick of it (the food) soon and gag at the thought of a french fry, which I've been told happens when you work in fast food. As far as her thinking you're stupid, I think they spell it stoopid and I'm pretty sure anybody over 22 is "strait stoopid," so try not to take that too personally (I think 21 is pushing it but they all need 1 friend who can buy). ; ) I think you are doing everything you can by setting a positive example, providing healthier foods at home and educating her about the health risks of being over weight. Amy's suggestions were great about asking her to be your work out buddy and setting up a family time hike. Just like your wonderful husband has done for you, you need to make sure she feels loved and accepted just the way she is, right where she is otherwise she may start to feel ashamed, have lower self esteem, etc. It sounds like she's almost due for her yearly so maybe her doc can have a chat but other that, it is going to have to be up to her.

But once she decides she wants to start losing, she will also realize how much you have been trying and doing for her and she'll be glad you've been in her corner all along. Believe it or not, next to my mom & daughter, my biggest supporter in this journey has been my ex-husband! I really look forward to Thrs evening weigh ins so I can call them both and let them know how I did. Look who I'm telling...you know how excited she will be when she starts making progress and you can share in that with her. It will bring you closer together, as she will gain insight into the road you've been on to healthier living and the courage and strength it takes to stay on that road. I have great optimisim for Team Holly!

Thank you for the compliment and encouragement! When I first started WW and I was only down like 5 or 6 lbs she would make me carry a bag of sugar around the store while we shopped. I'm doing pretty well with the numbers game but the weight I have left is all in a semi deflated inner tube around my belly! lol So it seems I'm going to have to break down and exercise some way. Ugh...oh well, I'll get there. : ) Hang in there!

OH! BTW...I do know how to spell Congratulations, I was mortified to see that when I logged on here tonight. I may not know a whole lot and I make typos just like everyone else, but I take my time and try extra hard to pride myself on proper grammar. I'm a dork, too! LOL

Holly - posted on 07/01/2012

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Kristi,

OH AND AWESOME JOB ON LOSING 43 LBS SO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't think that is much, go to the store and carry around 2- 20 Lb sacks of potatoes for 5 minutes........ You will really see how much that was.........

Holly - posted on 07/01/2012

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Kristi,

Thank you.
My daughter works at McD's and spends her own money on her food. I have tried talking to her about the fact that diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, thyroid problems, run in our family. She simply doesn't care. She had a physical about 8 months ago and that was before she started working at Mcd's I think she thinks i'm stupid or something. I can see the sizes she is wearing and it's not good. Almost the size I was when I started losing weight, and I'm in my 40's. My friends say that I am helping her see that I have done it and I continue to do it so that will help her in the long run.
I am so sorry to hear of your divorce. That is one thing my husband told me was that not once in our 20 years of marriage was he ever embarrased to be married to me since I put on the extra 100+ Lbs. He said, too many people marry for the wrong reasons. He married for better for worse, sickness and in health. I cried when he told me that....
I wish you the best of luck in your lifestyle change and losing weight. It is a constant battle that can be WON it you want to do it................. Good Luck and thanks for your sincere post....

Kristi - posted on 06/28/2012

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First of all, Congradulations on losing 128lbs! That is fantastic and no easy job. (I'm working on losing weight, too. down 43)

Have you talked to her about the seriousness of these health risks? When was the last time she had a physical or a yearly? It might help to hear the statistics on her chances of developing one of these conditions and what they could lead to. Also, when is she going to McD's? Who is paying for it, etc? Is there any way to limit how many times she goes there? My daughter and step-son are younger so it was easier for me to control but our lives were hectic so fast food was common and seemed necessary. Then I noticed my son was getting chubby and my daughter was breaking out more often, I was already beyond help. So if we had soccer games to get to after homework club, I started bringing sandwiches and fruit with baked chips or crackers and extra water, not ideal but better than fast food. The kids complained at first but they got used to it and they didn't notice but I saw the changes. But, like I said they are younger.

I think Amy makes a good point about weight loss being a personal choice that others can't choose for them. I know I couldn't even pull it together to start losing weight and exercising when my, now ex-husband was cheating on me and divorced me, in part, because I was too fat. He kept telling me to exercise, invited me to the gym, etc. but I was so depressed I couldn't get motivated enough to do anything. Is it possible your daughter my be struggling with something else and finding comfort in food? It's possible she could feel a sense of hopelessness. Thinking she could never lose the weight she wants/needs to so why even try, she may feel like she has to compete with you and wouldn't be able to measure up, there could be any number of reasons she hasn't tried to lose weight. I was always afraid to fail, I never did start exercising because I was sure all the "hard bodies" would laugh at me because I couldn't stay on the treadmill very long or I could only lift 10lbs 3x's. That is just my experience, obviously I don't know what your daughter thinks or what you've been going through. I just thought maybe this might be something else to consider. I hope this helps in some way. Good luck to both of you!

Holly - posted on 06/28/2012

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Thanks Amy. You're so right... I guess I am just concerned for her health... We have diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and thyroid problems in our families and I just hate to see something happen to her..

Amy - posted on 06/28/2012

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Well do you remember if anyone made those comments to you how it made you feel? You're probably driving her to eat more by saying those things to her. Think back to when people made comments about how heavy you were did it help you?

If you want her to eat healthier than keep healthy foods in the house. When you prepare meals don't cook any pasta's or rice, cook lean meats and vegetables, it's not going to kill her to eat more vegetables. Keep asking if she wants to go to the gym with you but don't make it about her weight make it about spending time together or wanting a workout buddy. Unfortunately weight loss is a personal choice and it goes along with any other habit an individual needs to make the choice for them self no one else can make it for them.

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