when is it okay to date when you have children in the home?

Diane - posted on 09/26/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )




My husband passed away almost 2 years ago (by his own choice). Our marriage was rocky but we statyed together for the kids. I started dating and things seem to be good (my oldest has had a few set backs due to anger with his father and realizing that this is our new life). We are all in counseling and are learning to be happy and look to the future.
My oldest says he respects my wish to date but will never accept it. How do I get past this feeling of letting him down. My youngest has embrassed the idea and truly enjoys the fact that I am happy.
I don't want to ignore my sons feelings but I also know that he is trying to be as controlling as his father was. People tell me that it is good for me to be happy and have a relationship. How do I get this pit out of my stomach? My son and my boyfriend get along. However, I know that he is reluctant to let him in.
People also tell me this is God's plan that he has put this man in not only my life but my kids lives to have a postive lifestyle...any thoughts?


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JuLeah - posted on 09/26/2011




I shy away from 'this is God's plan" type of thinking. Okay, go with the idea that it was God's plan you two to meet.

But, what you choose to do with that is on you, not God.

Use care around 'wishful or magical' thinking ... this is your choice and it needs to be based in the reality of your life

Of course your son is upset and that is okay.

That he gets along with your bf is maybe the best you can hope for, and that is okay too

I can't understand at all why you think you are letting your son down

How will editing who you are, making yourself less, help your son?

Be happy. Set an example of what that looks like.

If this is a healthy relationship, he needs to see that. If this is a healthy man, he needs to see that too

Of course he is reluctant to let him in, he did that once and look what happened. It is okay for him to be where he is at

You can have a happy positive life and lifestyle without this man, without any man ... for your own sake, you need to know that

Amy - posted on 09/26/2011




I'd like to start out by saying I'm happily married, but if something changed in the future, I would date but I would not bring anyone into my children's life unless I felt like there was a serious long term commitment. Then I would gradually introduce them to my children and take it very slowly. I can't say what time period I would wait before bringing someone into there life but it would probably be awhile because it's not fair to the kids to have different people who are in and out of their lives. Your friends and family are right you have every right to be happy just be careful and remember your kids should be your number 1. Continue counseling and maybe your oldest will come to terms.

Dolly - posted on 09/26/2011




Good Morning,,,

My thought on this is take it very slow with your new relationship.

Time heals all and in time if this New man in your life is meant to be then it will.

Keep it in prayer Gods test will be a testimony .

The fact that your family is in counseling is a good start to work out the kinks.

As far as the feeling in your stomach ask the Lord to guide you and rebuke the negativity.

Sound like this Man is good for you if your happy all will work out in due time if its meant to be.

Good Luck

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