When is the father not being a father?

Emily - posted on 01/18/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have an 8 month old son and his father and I are still currently together but I'm struggling. His father hasn't worked in 7 months and I've been working and going to school since September. He's a good dad...just not a financial supporter and I believe our relationship as just fizzled out. Our county in NC doesn't have a good employment rate but I've worked at two different places since September. Am I right in feeling that things are over? Or should I try to see if things will change?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/19/2016

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My hubs has been the stay home parent for over 10 years. Its not about how much money you bring in to the family, but about how much you can contribute in a global sense.

If you haven't had this discussion with him, it's time to define duties. As the 'stay home', he needs to be putting more effort in at home.

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2016

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If he's at home there's no reason for him not to more of the housework. If he was the one working and you at home he would expect it all to be done.
Leave him a list of chores that need to be done when you are at work. Let him know it would be a great help if he could do them. Don't make it a huge list to start off with, that will just scare him off.
If you feel that he won't start to help out then you need to sit down with him and discuss how you are feeling. Let him know that you are on the cusp of leaving as you feel that you are on your own anyway. See what he says and then work out together what he can do to turn things around.

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Emily - posted on 01/19/2016

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He's always been very open with me about how he's trying to find work but he doesn't help around the house. A load of laundry a week is the most I can get out of him. I feel like I'm doing this on my own.
I don't want to be intimate and I feel like he's more of a child than an adult. He's much older than me and we're still struggling. I'm tired of the arguments.

Janine - posted on 01/19/2016

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You just answered your own question, raising a baby take s a lot of any person especially when you are the only person that brings in money. Remember that work is hard to find and he is just so frustrated cause to him he may be a burden. Always asked him to help with the smaller things as yes men are like kids they want to be rewarded or just a Thank you means a lot to them. Pray for guidance.

Jodi - posted on 01/19/2016

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So he is a good dad, but is just struggling to financially support the family....that happens. In any relationship, there will be ups and downs with regard to the different levels of support in different areas (eg. my husband has struggled with the financial support for the last 12 months, as we had a business go broke and he had a hard time finding work, but he did a lot of the household duties during that time to help out). What you have said doesn't make him "not a father"; I think that is a bit harsh, and a bit judgemental. I am sure he is a father in different ways.

Allow me to put it a different way. Does a woman not working and earning an income make her less of a mother? No? So why should a man not working and earning an income make him less of a father?

Now, if your relationship is struggling, then that's a different issue. Maybe it is time to consider WHY your relationship is struggling (and if it is because you are financially struggling, then maybe you are looking at it all wrong). Perhaps consider some couples counselling and working on the communication between the two of you. But honestly, it sounds to me like the relationship is struggling because you have certain expectations that he is having difficulty living up to. Do you have any idea of what he has done in order to TRY to find work?

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