When is the right time?

Daniela - posted on 08/15/2011 ( 76 moms have responded )

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Hi there, I am 28 years old and my boyfriend and I would like to have a baby soon. I joined this community because I thought ‘who could give me better advice than a mother’. One of the things that scare me about having a child is that I don’t want to look back and say that I missed out on this or that and a lot of my friends that are also in their 20’s say that they would have waited longer before having kids. Partying every Friday has become monotonous and I am pursuing my dream career wise so I think I’m ready to take that next step. What bugs me most is money. How expensive is it really to have a baby? I welcome all of you to give me any words of wisdom and all the single moms out there …….how hard is it to cope without the assistance of a man emotionally and financially because I might find myself in that boat one day?

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Beverly - posted on 08/16/2011

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First, get married before you think about having kids. Second, if you're afraid that this guy isn't going to hang around to help you support the child, then now is definitely not the right time. Wait until both of you are more mature and ready to take on that responsibility, or until you find someone who is.

Krista - posted on 08/15/2011

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It does sound like you're ready to move on from your old life and to embrace being a mother. It's hard as hell at times, but it IS really rewarding. There's nothing like a hug and kiss from my toddler to cheer me up.

But, it DOES eat away at your disposable income. You will need certain basic gear, but might be able to find some things second-hand. Check your local classifieds -- you'll be surprised at what you can find.

As far as the day to day expenses, the two biggest things are diapers and food. You can save some money buy using cloth diapers instead of disposable, but they are a bit more work. I would recommend using disposable for the first couple of months, anyway, until you find your groove as a mother and aren't quite so overwhelmed. If you can BF, that'll save you a bunch. But it's possible that you may not be able to, so bottles and formula will be an expense.

There are two things that concern me. You mention that you are pursuing your dream, career-wise. How far along are you in that dream? Would having a baby completely derail that dream, or are you established enough that you would be able to pick up where you left off?

As well, you mention that this man is your boyfriend, not your husband, and you ask about being a single mom -- that makes me wonder if your relationship is all that stable. If there are ANY issues or instability in your relationship, then get them solved now before trying to get pregnant. Having a baby can put stress on even the strongest relationship. If you're close, it can bring you closer. But if there are any cracks, it'll put even more strain on those cracks. At no point in history has having a baby ever repaired a strained relationship -- usually quite the opposite.

And being a single mom is TOUGH, especially if you don't have a big support network. And I suppose that would be my next piece of advice - develop that support now. Do you have family close by? Are your friends with kids close by? Will you have someone who you could call at 3am to come watch the baby if you fell sick and had to go to the hospital? Will you have someone else you could call at 3am, in case that person is away? The more people you can rely upon to help you out when you need it, the easier it'll be.

Melissa - posted on 08/17/2011

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#1 You should definitely be married before planning to have a child.
#2 You should NEVER get married for the purpose of having a child or the odds are it will end up in divorce and you will end up a single mom anyway.
#3 The ONLY man you should marry is the one that you meet and fall so deeply in love with that you are certain that you couldn't possibly be as good of a person without them as you are when you're with them... Those are the marriage that withstand the rocky times. A marriage shouldn't start off with "having" to be together... It should be more like, can't imagining living life without eachother.
#3 Friday night bar hopping is usually not the place to meet that man...
#4 My advice... Meet "that" man or realize that you already have and embrace it... Then get married because you aren't willing to live without him.... Then enjoy a couple of years being husband and wife growing in eachothers love and setting a foundation for a strong marriage.... THEN try for baby!! Youre only 28... Plenty of time!!!!!

Beverly - posted on 08/16/2011

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Lauren dear, I can assure you that I am not the least bit delirious .... just quite a bit older and wiser than you. :-)

Pamela - posted on 08/19/2011

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If you allow money to guide your decision to become a mother, then you have lost a valuable part of what the experience is all about. For me, motherhood is a supreme energy because I love doing for others, taking care of , nurturing, etc. in whatever way that I can. I spent most of my working years in the capacity of Teacher of one subject or another, so "Mothering"/nurturing comes automatically for me. You need to really look at who you are an what you want right now. Babies are a LIFELONG GIFT!!!! Once the commitment is made it lasts until you or the child leaves the planet.....simple as that.

In terms of your thought about what might happen one day why would you pick the worse scenario? I have been a married mother and a single mother from 2 different marriages. Single motherhood is tough financially in this country due to wage disparity. It is tough emotionally because instead of 2 people to carry that burden, there is only one. Of course, the more children a single mother has, the more difficult the task.

Parenting is one of the TOUGHEST JOBS there is on this planet and also one of the MOST REWARDING when done properly. It is not an easy task and each of us prospers and fails in our own ways when we are in that task actively each day.

The best advice I can give you here is to look deeply into your own heart and see if it is calling you to be a Mother or if it is society or something else that is calling your attention to this desire.

If parenting is a true desire and not just an escape from boredom then jump right in and join the crowd for you have much to give an much to learn. Always, no matter what. DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN!!!

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Gina - posted on 09/04/2011

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If you are planning on having a baby with this man then if he is good enough to be a father to you child isn't he good enough to marry. If not don't have a child with him 1st.

Suzanne - posted on 08/24/2011

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Hi Amber, I do understand waiting to get married to have kids as that is what I did, however the person can still leave, there is divorce and you can still end up on your own. So I think it is down to the relationship with that person and the cirmcumstances. There is no guarentee.

Nicole - posted on 08/23/2011

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I myself am a single mother to an amazing 2 yr old, yes there are times when he is a little demon, but I wouldnt trade it for the world. I had my son at 21 and found myself to be a single mother about 3 mths after having my son. Sometimes I do find it difficult to do it all bymyself but I have an amazing group of friends to support me and my mom is also amazing when it comes to helping out. Yes it can be very expensive raising a child and maybe more so when your on your own. But if you both feel that you are ready to have a baby then best of luck to you. But if you are still thinking about all of the things you may miss out on because of having a baby or being pregnant then my advise would be to wait until you know 100%, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are ready to have a baby. And I dont mean to sound rude when I say this but if you really want to know how much it can cost to raise, feed, clothe a baby/child, go to walmart or anywhere that has a baby department and just look at the cost of things, you can also go to second hand stores for baby items, these are items that are gently used and are amazing when you may not have much money. But in the end, the choice is yours and only you know when/if your ready for a baby, but just remember, they are amazing little beings and once that child is in your arms, your perspective shifts and your life is all of a sudden about this little person, and I love it!

Amanda - posted on 08/19/2011

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My husband and I (then boyfriend) had our son Noah when we were twenty. He was a complete surprise at a time when neither of us were in a position to have a child. But we managed. He is now a beautiful 2 yr old, complete hell on wheels, a money drainer, and a pain in the butt sometimes. But I wouldn't have it any other way. We are both in school full time and it's hard, but more than worth it in my opinion. It's true what they say, becoming a mother changes you. You learn a lot about yourself and no matter what happens you make things work for your child's sake. Go for it without regret.

Lanye - posted on 08/19/2011

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Ok I have to say something. I was married the first time and had a baby with my first husband. After being married for 2 years it came crashing down on me. As he was addicted to many things in his life. For me I was so scared! So I knew that I was not going to get married again until I had a baby with my husband now. I wanted to see what he was like. The first husband never helped me out and was always taking time for himself. My husband now is a wonderful father and is a blessing to me in my life. I am a christian and I know what it says in the bible. I am just telling you I think it is your choice. Babies are great and wonderful thing. If you are worried about the money. Just think of it this way. If you are worried about it and dont want to have one until you can afford it. Just remember this one little thing. You are always going to owe someone thing all your life. Rather it be a house, car, electric or what have you. Enjoy your life, pray about it and you will know what to do for you.

Suzanne - posted on 08/18/2011

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If you have a good relationship, and both want a child I say go for it. I would save money first and while you are still working as it is hard without a second income. However you can do it. Currently I have twin girls as they were my first kids and I stay at home as it is the cheapest option. You will always sort something out. If you want to do it, do it. Also there is never a right time for anything. You can always put something off for ages and ages. Then wish you had just done it. Your decision, don't let anyone sway either of you. Just be happy with what you have decided.

Heather - posted on 08/18/2011

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I was engaged for 9 years got married, had a baby at 30 and my marriage blew apart by her first birthday. If you have the financial ability to care for yourself with some left over you should be ok. It's tough being a single parent but it you really want a baby it's something you can survive.

Beckie - posted on 08/18/2011

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I dont want to make it seem like having a baby is easy, becasue its not! But I really dont find it that hard personally. Yes you get stressed at times, annoyed, frustrated, and sometimes you get mad at people you love simply because of the stress. But its all worth it. The amount of joy and pride you get from a child is more then worth going through the stress of it. Im a young mom (21) and I got pregnant at 19. I have never found it to be financially difficult. My boyfriend makes $12 an hour right now and Im going back to college. I've been living off my boyfriends pay, baby bonus, and mat leave pay. When I go back to school Ill be living off my student loan. My rent is $700 a month, formula is $13 a can (walmart brand) and I use 1 a week. Diapers are $30 for somewhere around 150 diapers and I buy 2 of those a month (fisherprice diapers) Honestly I dont think its as hard and as expensive as a lot of people make it seem. But maybe I'm just lucky, I personally believe that if I can do it while going to college and not working then most people can do it. Yes its hard at times but I still enjoy myself every day and I still have money to go out and by myself things every now and then. And even tho I probably should have tried harder to not get pregnant at 19 there has never been a day that I regret it and wish I had waited. My friends go out sometimes and I cant always go but I would rather stay home with my son anyways :) It really is worth it in the end!

Daniela - posted on 08/18/2011

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Hehe, men don't know what they want - thanks Naomi - i'll think about what you said

Janessa - posted on 08/17/2011

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Truthfully I woudn't do it unless you were in a strong marriage relationship, and I'm not saying that to be judgemental or anything, I am saying that because it is hard to raise a child alone. Even harder to have to deal with custody issues which I know can happen even if you were married. I have 4 children and a very loving committed husband, I would never want to do this alone. It is one of the best things you can do and one of the most rewarding things you can do, but on those tough days if you are alone you can't just step out and let your hubby watch them if you don't have one. It is also wonderful to have someone by your side who loves your children as much as you do and wants to do the best thing for them. A partnership. Really it is better for the child to have both parents involved. As far as how much they cost, yes they are expensive, but they are worth every penny. My husband and I joke about how much money we would have if we didn't have children, but really we are so much happier with them. Its about 10000 for a birth with no problems, more for ones that do have problems. Insurance will cover most of that though. It gets much more expensive the older they get, but you just decide what they actually need, and what are wants. Anyways, hope that helps.

CHRISTINE - posted on 08/17/2011

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I had my first children at 22 and 32 with my first husband and my second set at 40 and 42 with my current husband. I appreciate my younger children more then I did my older ones because I am older, not trying to juggle a career and my children and can afford to stay at home with them now. I am remarried and have a husband who is very supportive of me and our children. We both make sacrifices so I can stay home with the children and see eye to eye on how we raise them. If money is an issue, then maybe thinking a little longer would be a good idea as well as the fact that you mention you are considering having this child with your boyfriend. Things to think about is how long have the two of you been together, will he stick around if and when things get rough, will he help to support you and the baby, have the two of you discussed how you want to raise the baby and does either one of you have good insurance that will cover the baby and cover you, many insurance companies will only cover the child, but not the mother if the couple is not married and the father holds the policy. If you plan to work then you will have to find daycare which is not cheap especially for the first two years. If the baby is sick who will take off work to stay home with hi/her? These are all things to consider before jumping in with both feet. It is very hard on not only you if he decides to leave, but also for the child to grow up without a father. With modern medicine these days your biological clock is hardly at the end and if you are worried about your boyfriend leaving the picture it might be best to wait until you are in a more stable relationship maybe even married. Being a Mother means putting your children first and that means bringing your child into the most secure situation you can from the start.

Jenni - posted on 08/17/2011

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Missing the boat???? I had my first child at 39! I meet my husband about 3mths prior - he was the only guy I wanted to have a child with and the only guy I had unprotected sex with. We just didn't expect it to happen so soon cos of our age lol For either of you two ask "if this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?" Whether you stay together or not having a child will make you guys be in each others life FOREVER! You are only 28 and you do have many years ahead so maybe work out your proiorties and the only person who has the right to judge is you on your choices. It doesn't have to be expensive as you might think, do your research for cots etc, on where to buy them, alot of "new" things can come from second hand. Plus if you have friends who already have kids then say yes to hand me downs! Designer clothing a child isn't going to care - all it will do is puke and poo in them lol I took my cousin to a baby one stop shop (cos my mum was dead) and we stood infront of all these items and I said "do we need any of this stuff?" SURPRISE SHE SAID NO!! We have friends that bought everything and their child doesn't use any of it - ours still does. I always think back to when my mum had us and what was available then - it's not as much as what is available now yet it did us no harm growing without those items. Goodluck with what ever you choice in life cos it is your life!!

Emma - posted on 08/17/2011

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It sounds like you are in the perfect position to have a child, one thing I would make sure of before hand though is to really think about if the relationship you are in is strong enough to have a child. Having a baby really puts strain on a relationship, so you need to be sure you're doing it with the right guy... Having children can be expensive, but you will find with your first child your family will want to buy most of the things you need, then you just need to worry about nappies and stuff. I have been a single mum in the past and it is hard... But if you have friends and family who are willing to take bubs every now and then to give you a break that makes it a lot easier.

Kilea - posted on 08/17/2011

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My husband I were together 10 months when we got pregnant, it was a decision we both made and had been talking about for months. When we started seeing each other we both knew this was "the one" we were both 30 and had enjoyed our life conciderably. I partied hard before Lee and I met and was over it by the time we started seeing one another. All I can say if having children is a life long committment but it doesn't have to change your life in a negative way. We absolutely love our girls and having Taila so early was the best decision we have ever made. I dont miss the "party" life style and am totally happy doing family stuff. I am a stay at home mum so I can raise my girls the way we want to raise them and financially it is a struggle sometimes on one wage paying our morgtage bills etc but you live within your means and deal with it and that the thing with parenting, its all about making sacrifices. One thing though before making a decision that will change your life is knowing that this boyfiend/partner/husband is the one you want a family with as being a single parent is dreadfully hard on both parents and children. We live in a very happy, laughing, and enjoyable house, the children are just that Very happy, always laughing and so enjoyable to be around. Your children will have their own personalities but will also be affected with how you both live as a couple, their happiness depends on you. Being a mum is the most amazing things Ive ever had the privledge to do, when someone says "wow your children are goreous" ":what beautiful manners" "Your children play so nicely:" That is a reflection on me and I am, proud that I have helped them become that person. Being a parent is not just about the cuddles and kisses, its about all the hard stuff to, every new year brings a new challenge from birth through toddlers the school, teenage and then adult. When you fall pregnant you have this dream of what its like but your dream doesn't always turn out the way you planned, whether it be health issues, mental health issues, disabilities or children who are just plain stubborn and always push your buttons. Its all about loving your child/ren with unconditionl love no matter how much they piss you off...and believe me they will. When you guys both say yep we can deal with all that...your ready x

Naomi - posted on 08/17/2011

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You are wise to think about looking backwards and having regrets. All I can really say to you is ... PLEASE don't do this because the boyfriend wants it. Men don't know what they want... they think they do but not always. And being a single parent is no picnic!! Life and raising kids with 2 parents is tough enough. There is no turning back once you are in it. My husband of 5 years left before our son was 11 months old. I did not plan on any level to be doing the parent thing alone and it was extremely difficult. If you want a career go do that first, get something of substance under you so should you have to support a family oned day you will be in a position to do so. Remember, not everyone can rely on family to bail them out when things get tough or you are tired. And you will get tired!! I would never recommend being a single parent if the choice is available. Being a parent is not about you anyway, it is about the child and what is good for him/her, Good luck .... a mom

Jessica - posted on 08/17/2011

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being a single mum is hard but really it isn't the end of the world as some mums on here are making it out to be I am a mother of 4 (8,6,3,2) and have been single for about 9 months me and my partner are getting back together now which is a great thing but apart from being lonely at night when all the kids are in bed life hasn't changed much, don't listen to all the old fashion women who think you have to be married to make it in this world that is just bull previous to me and my partners separation we were together for almost 12 years, marriage is one (expensive) day for what a bit of paper and a party, do what makes you and your partner happy and don't worry about what others think, I don't think your question had anything to do with getting married or not any way :) if your ready you will know you won't be able to think of anything else. I had my first planed pregnancy at 20 and I have never regretted it

Caroline - posted on 08/17/2011

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Marry him only if he's the one, not because you want to have a baby. Women do NOT need to be in a committed relationship in order to start a family. If you are financially and emotionally ready on your own, why do you need to give up a chance at motherhood just because you haven't found the right guy. Many women are going to sperm banks or finding donors on their own.

Whitney - posted on 08/17/2011

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I have heard some really good advice here, and some that I have a few reservations about, but one thing that no one has really looked at is the fact that you are halfway through your studies.......you really need to finish up before having a child, as it will be EXTREMELY difficult to juggle both school and motherhood. And the advice to have a good job first is very good advice indeed. Money is not everything, but you have to have it with a baby.....insurance most important of all. I was 32 when I had mine, and never regretted waiting for a minute. Also, do not have more children than you can handle - so many women do that, and it never works out for the better unless you are a millionaire. Learn from us "old" chickens, and you will be happier in the long run - Good luck with your decision, Daneila - live with your heart, but don't forget good old common sense : )

Cori - posted on 08/17/2011

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If partying is becoming boring, that's a good sign you are ready to settle down, and children definitely settle you down. The first few months are very hard emotionally, because you're getting very little sleep. A newborn STARTS feeding about every 2 hours. By the time you finish feeding and get back to bed, you might have an hour or an hour and a half sleep before getting up again. Plus, sometimes the baby does not want to sleep. It takes a while before they understand the difference between day and night and sleep accordingly. By 4-6 months, most babies are sleeping a little longer between feedings, but I have to warn you some (like my boy) still wake you up at night even when they're 22 months old. I'm not saying this to discourage you, but to give you a realistic picture.

Children are very expensive. I had what is called "good" insurance, and my out of pocket costs for each of my children was $1500 or more. That is just for doctors, medicines, and hospital. To get a good idea of the other costs, I would go to a store and start pricing things you need: crib, clothes (day and pj's), diapers (estimate 8-10/day for the first 6 months--it may go down after that, depending on your child), breast pump if you plan to breast feed, formula (even if you want to breast feed, you may find yourself changing your mind--some women find it very difficult), bottles, changing tables (not necessary but nice), baby wipes (we go through about 3 large packs/month now but when he was younger, I think it was more), toys, Exersaucer, swing (must have), etc. Also, look at your insurance copays--your child will go to the doctor about seven times the first year for check-ups, and more if s/he gets sick. The baby will need at least one blood test during that time.

Ways to save money: Find friends who can give you hand-me-downs (clothes, toys, or anything else). Clip coupons like crazy. Think about who can babysit for you and might be willing to do it for free or as a trade off, because you will want a night alone with your bf, and if you ever wind up without him, you will need breaks from your child no matter how much love is there.

Babies and children bring a lot of joy, but they are a lot of work. They are, however, totally worth it. Good luck with your decision making!

Aisha - posted on 08/17/2011

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I was 28 when I had my first...and honestly I think I was still too young.....Do everything you want to accomplish before having a baby....I know your body is screaming NOW NOW NOW, but having a child is a huge financial responsibility as well as a time comsuming affair. That child will require almost all of your free time. I read that you are looking to open up a business....That will also possibly be a time consuming affair....get all your ducks in a row, because it will be difficult to generate new business and meet with potential clients with a brand new newborn....Krista said everything right...it is concerning that you mentioned boyfriend instead of husband....dont get me wrong...my parents were together for 20+ years without getting married, but i found out it was over a lack of financial trust between them rather than a lack of love. if you really want to be with this man, deal with those trust issues now...because if you can't trust him to get married, how can you trust him to be a father.......

Tera - posted on 08/17/2011

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Hello, I have been a single mother for many years, I was a very young mom. I had alot of support when I brought my son home I lived across the street from my dad so it did not matter what time of day or night I had support. I know that if you are scared a baby may split you guys up make sure that you have alot of support close by there are always places like this as well where mothers can be emotional support for each other.... As for cost I did nurse my son so that saved alot, also only used disposable diapers when we went out somewhere. Picked up the furniture used and just cleaned it up..So I really hope that this helps. I have 2 sons now and I am 26, I do not think that I missed out on anything. I feel that I am the best person I can be, by being a mother, it is the hardest most rewarding job in the world. Nothing feels better then an "I LOVE YOU MOMMY" from your child.
Good luck in your decisions

Sherri - posted on 08/17/2011

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@ Liesl not true her career will not have to be put on hold. In the US you only get 12wks leave from your job usually unpaid and then you return back to work.

You can have a child and a career and many many many people do everyday.

Hannah - posted on 08/17/2011

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Get married first and have that commitment and stability for your child. Partying is monotonous but having a baby is certainly not! Everyday is a new adventure with them learning something new or surprising you in some way.

Krista - posted on 08/17/2011

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I had a child when I was 39. There is no rush. If you are not married, I would wait. What is your plan about money, who will be working, how much can you earn and how much does it cost for three people to live, housing, food, gas, phones, daycare, diapers, formula, clothes, etc.



You can no longer count on support from the government, especially in these challenging economic times. Our family of three is currently living on $25,000. a year and it is very difficult. I've been looking for a job since I was pregnant and even though I've had a great employment history, the competition is intense. People who have masters degrees are applying for $7. hour jobs.



Our marriage has experienced strain from the economy and the demands of a child. I would say work on your career, be in a stable relationship, and then have a baby. You get about 4-5 hours of sleep for the first 16 months after your baby is born and that is not in one long stretch. Dreaming becomes even difficult. Having a child is incredibly rewarding, but it puts so much on hold in your life and in some situations, it makes certain dreams seem impossible. Like going poop alone! ; )

Amy - posted on 08/17/2011

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I was 3 days shy of my 30th birthday before we had our first. I wasn't able to breastfeed, so we had to use formula. I recommened Members Mark from Sams Club, you get more for a cheaper price, diapers too. I feel if you waited until you were finacially set to have kid, you would be waiting forever. Kids are expensive but so worth it. We love our 2 boys and would never change anything..... Good Luck

Darylin - posted on 08/17/2011

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I don't think there is any such thing as a "right time" to start a family. There will always be things that come up in life when you second guess yourself and think of "what if" or "if only I'd..." But one thing is certain, being a single parent is the hardest thing anyone can do! Having a child is finanically, emotionally, physically and spirtually draining. Don't get me wrong, its also the most wonderful and exciting thing that can happen as well. But if you're doing it by yourself it may be harder to appreciate all the good because you'll be forced to deal with the negative stuff so much.

Oh and marriage does not guarentee that your partner will be a good/attentive/loving parent or enough of a support system to whether the bad times and celebrate the good times.

Marilyn - posted on 08/17/2011

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Marriages don't last because they were not true commitments to God the creator of that covenant. When two people seeking God, making a promise first to God to commit to each other for the rest of their lives and then to each other...Then it is God who will bless, protect and guide us through the difficulties and trials of life...However it begins with having a right relationship with God, to empower us to keep our promises to Him...The two become one and nothing should separate us and won't if you are both believers seeking and following the will of God!!! Blessings!!!

Marilyn - posted on 08/17/2011

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God provides...and as long as you are seeking Him, he tells us not to worry about those things...

Marilyn - posted on 08/17/2011

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Dear Daniela,

Motherhood is a wonderful privilege, honor, "the most" important and incredible occupation and responsibility given by the Almighty Father, Creator of the universe and mankind. The children given to us are gifts from God. They are beings that belong to Him and are on loan to us...to raise them with the understanding and knowledge of who God is, so that they can embrace God as the Lord and Savior of their lives. God created the family...husband and wife...the children are just an extension of the family. God created intimacy to be something precious and sacred between a husband and wife as part of the marriage covenant. When I was 28, my thinking process was much like yours... I was religious, and living wayward lifestyle apart from God's will...Living by the dictates of my own sinful thinking, while embracing the waywardness of our culture. I did not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It took about 5 more years before God got a hold of my heart and allowed me the privilege to understand the truth of the Gospel and to become a part of God's family as a child of God. I began to understand that fornication is a sin (sex outside of marriage) and that this is not how God wanted me to live...He gave me a Christian mate, who also believes in the sacred covenant, marriage that was created by God, I had my first child at 35 and my second at 40, I am now 48 and I am so truly, truly thankful and grateful beyond comprehension or measure to the Lord for opening my eyes to His truth and giving me ears to hear...!!! Now having the great honor and privilege to teach my children the truth and not to be just a good mom barely surviving...but a godly mom with all the promises and blessings that God gives when we seek to follow His "perfect plan" for our lives...only then will you find true joy, peace and guidance to do what is right!!! God bless you "young lady"...and if I can assist you further in your pursuit, please write me back...Blessings 2 U!

Yvonne - posted on 08/17/2011

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Get established with your career and get a ring on your finger and wait for the ink to dry on the marriage license. Raising kids is hard AND REALLLLLLLLY expensive. Nothing is harder than being a single parent because you will sacrafice much more than if you were married. The man will split if you aren't tied to him... (could do that anyways, but if he is committed then he should show you). Parenting is the hardest job that you will ever love. Just be prepared to stop splurging on yourself and constantly buy for your kid....

Lindsay - posted on 08/17/2011

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U dont.need to be married before havein a kid all though my sons dad is a total dead beat. An has nothing to.do with.gis son. My husband who never wanted kids. Loves my son till tge end of time an after an wants to adopt him an take care of us. An to be honest my son never asks.about his dad he calls my.husband daddy on his own an always asks when.he will be home.being.an army wife an all an.then.haveing the.kids pick on our son my husband wants more then.nothing.to be home an.not in iraq to help me deal with all the.problems i have too. An.we are even talkin about getting me a reveral an.haveing a second.kid now my sons asking.us why he dosent. Have a sister he wants a sister an.my husband now a man who never ever wanted kids wants to have one. So even.if u guys do split u have the best part of.him. Your son. An im liveing.proof eventually.the.right man will come along.

WENDY - posted on 08/17/2011

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i'm not married my boyfriend and i have an awsome 2 year old little girl, i'm 34, she's my first child and i wanted to have her. i always knew someday i'd be a mom, like you i was waiting for the perfect time in my life to do this.i have an awsome job. i know exactly what i'm missing when my friends go out friday night or wednsday night golf league, and there is no place i'd rather be than with my daughter. i've been to the beaches of the cancun and in the bright lights of the vegas strip still there's no place i'd rather be than with my daughter reading a book or playing in the sandbox. i know exactly what i'm missing and i'm not missing a thing :) as far as being married, i believe marriage is soo over-rated, it's not like we're living in 1810 or something , come-on already.. the money part, the way life works is you'll never have enough of it anyway. the more you make the more you spend . it's called the American way .

[deleted account]

having a baby is for life not 18 yrs. an its the most wonderful thing , but a child need more than love it. It will need to go to the Dr., then Dentist ,school an on an on, its expensive the older they get. some girls have babies knowing the Gov. will pay the bill. this is not a reason to have a baby..an the Gov is broke. you an your baby need a daddy that will help you take care of it forever an be there for everything he or she does...God, Husband, then baby an your life will be blessed..

Mbalenhle Felicity - posted on 08/17/2011

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I think its best for you to be married first then have a baby. I wish i got married before i had my son.

Lindsay - posted on 08/17/2011

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I had my son very young im also 28 an.hes 6 almost.7. I wasnt ready at the time i had a kid to.have one. But yes their are alot of things u cant do an u will.find out who.really.are your friends an.who arnt when.u have a kid it changes your hole. Life. An yes they do cost alot of money. My son is like a hoover vacuum.cleaner i honestly.have no clue werr he packs all the food. But.if yoir ready your ready way.your pros an.cons.

Melissa - posted on 08/17/2011

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As far as being ready, that's a very personal choice that only you and your boyfriend can make. I'm 26 and just had my second. I can't really comment on raising them alone, as I have the asistance of my husband. But I do know that I would be lost without him. As for expensive...we'll, my recomendation is to go with a midwife and stay away from the hospital. I have really good insurance but I'm still paying about 4000 once all is said and done. I had a midwife ith my son and and I was only out 2500. (Without insurance)! Not to mention it is a far more relaxed inviroment and a whole lot easier to deliver. Oh, I also recomend laboring in the water. It is the most amazing difference.

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