When is the right time to add to your family?

Dorothy - posted on 08/18/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I'm new to this site and I'm looking for other moms to interact with and get advice from!

I'm 21 and married. I have a 15 month old daughter from a previous relationship. My husband and I have recently found ourselves talking about wanting to have a baby together.

Here is our situation.

1. We are 21 and have only been married for two months.
2. We have a 15 month old daughter and a 3 year old dog!
3. Currently, we are both preparing to start full time school come this October (his are in school, mine is distance education, so I can care for my daughter and our dog).
4. We will be living off of OSAP (and my husband will be getting a part - time job, unfortunately as I cannot work due to day care costs).

We have spoken to a few people about it...even though in the end it's our decision, but having peoples advice and opinion is greatly appreciated as well.

I have always lived my life wanting children. I didn't expect to have one at 19, but now that I do, I wouldn't change it for the world. She was definitely a pleasant surprise! =)

I always said that I wanted my children close in age, because me being from a family of 5 and being the youngest, I never had a relationship with my older sisters due to our ages. I have a 5 year difference between one and an 8 year difference between the other. I don't want that for my kids. I always thought that a 24-26 month difference between children would be nice.

People have been telling me to just wait...wait until the time is right...but I've never understood that.
Won't life always be a struggle in one way or another?
I may sound like a typical 21 year old, not understanding how the world works and stuff, but this is why I'm looking for opinions and answers from those who have come before me and can offer wisdom.
I want to learn!

We have been really thinking about it since...even though our financial situation won't be perfect...it won't need to be perfect (considering perfection is impossible).
We have all our baby stuff still, obviously and the only thing that I will do differently this time is...actually stick with breast feeding.
I ended up doing horribly with my daughter, because at the time I was in an extremely abusive relationship (mentally/emotionally) and it caused me to be so stressed I couldn't do it anymore and I ended up going to formula.
I know that won't happen again! Because I am actually in a stable relationship with a man who loves and cherishes me dearly, and my daughter.

I still have my breast pumps, bottles, infant toys, bassinet, crib, change table, etc.
In regards to having what is needed to care for a child (aside from finances) we have it..all of it! We even have cloth diapers!

Personally, I know we could do it. Even now, we make ends meet with what we have and that at the moment isn't much. But once he starts working, things will get better...easier...in a financial stand point.

I guess my overall question is...

When is the RIGHT time to add to your family?

Should we go by what others thing is "mature" and "responsible"? Or should we do what we feel is best for us...our family and our timing?
Is it right to go by what's truly in your heart?

We only want one more...and since we both want them closer in age, would that not be something that would make this decision, easier?

ps...I will be a stay at home mom until both my children are in full time school...so, give or take 8 years!!

Advice? Opinions?

Has anyone been here?



View replies by

Dorothy - posted on 08/20/2012




Thank you Rebecca!
That is an amazing story! You're right though, people will always think someone is crazy for the way you live your life...even if it makes sense to us. It's unfortunate at times, because it'd be nice for people to look at things from out p.o.v , but that rarely happens!
We do feel it's the right time and I think we are going to go for it! I just hope we don't get pregnant THIS month (as weird as that is to say), because then we'd have two babies, born in the same month...that'd be hard!! lol

Thanks again Rebecca

Rebecca - posted on 08/19/2012




when my Husband and I decided to have a hunny moon baby most people thought we were crazy and then we started trying for our second when she was only 6 months old because it felt right. we knew we could handle it I dont think people believe us when we say it was a planned pregnancy and those that do think we are crazy but even though finances aren't perfect, we each have a child from a previous marriage and the children adore each other and are happy and loved
If you and your Husband both feel the time is right then it probably is. You know what it takes to take care of a baby and are prepared. you know what you can handle.

Dorothy - posted on 08/19/2012




You have a way with words, in a good way!
We are both Christians and knew that we were to marry each other at around 4 months of dating and sure enough it happened!
I'm just the kind of girl that has come from a family of brokenness and hurt...but also love and kindness. Not many in my family have really thought I could do anything, because of my always changing my mind and never going through with anything...and not that I would be 'proving' anything to anyone...I know that having a family, showing that I can be that mature, responsible parent to BOTH children (when we have a second one), will hopefully show others that I too can do what I say I can and want to do. I was pregnant with my daughter when I finished high school online...it took me awhile, but I did it! I know that being pregnant now, in college, with a 15 month old a dog is a lot different then when I was pregnant and had two kittens...but I feel like maybe I could!
I don't know if I sound crazy for wanting this..but it's something that he and I have talked about a lot in the past two months (even before we got married...we talked a lot about it)...so for some reason...I just feel it's what's on our hearts...but don't know if that's what we should go by...or if what everyone else is saying is right...you know?

I'm sorry for your relationship though (even though it's been a few years), it still hurts. And thank you so much for your reply!

Dove - posted on 08/18/2012




I got pregnant 7-8 months after getting married and while I wouldn't change a thing (cuz then I wouldn't have any of my kids)..... it was WAY too early in our marriage/relationship (which has been over for a few years now). Since your daughter is only 15 months... how long have you even known/been with this man? The fact that you came from an abusive relationship makes me want to caution you to take things very slow, but then... you've already been married 2 months, so I'm not sure how you could slow it down. ;)

I'm probably just rambling and not helping any, huh?

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