Dorothy - posted on 08/18/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )
I'm new to this site and I'm looking for other moms to interact with and get advice from!
I'm 21 and married. I have a 15 month old daughter from a previous relationship. My husband and I have recently found ourselves talking about wanting to have a baby together.
Here is our situation.
1. We are 21 and have only been married for two months.
2. We have a 15 month old daughter and a 3 year old dog!
3. Currently, we are both preparing to start full time school come this October (his are in school, mine is distance education, so I can care for my daughter and our dog).
4. We will be living off of OSAP (and my husband will be getting a part - time job, unfortunately as I cannot work due to day care costs).
We have spoken to a few people about it...even though in the end it's our decision, but having peoples advice and opinion is greatly appreciated as well.
I have always lived my life wanting children. I didn't expect to have one at 19, but now that I do, I wouldn't change it for the world. She was definitely a pleasant surprise! =)
I always said that I wanted my children close in age, because me being from a family of 5 and being the youngest, I never had a relationship with my older sisters due to our ages. I have a 5 year difference between one and an 8 year difference between the other. I don't want that for my kids. I always thought that a 24-26 month difference between children would be nice.
People have been telling me to just wait...wait until the time is right...but I've never understood that.
Won't life always be a struggle in one way or another?
I may sound like a typical 21 year old, not understanding how the world works and stuff, but this is why I'm looking for opinions and answers from those who have come before me and can offer wisdom.
I want to learn!
We have been really thinking about it since...even though our financial situation won't be perfect...it won't need to be perfect (considering perfection is impossible).
We have all our baby stuff still, obviously and the only thing that I will do differently this time is...actually stick with breast feeding.
I ended up doing horribly with my daughter, because at the time I was in an extremely abusive relationship (mentally/emotionally) and it caused me to be so stressed I couldn't do it anymore and I ended up going to formula.
I know that won't happen again! Because I am actually in a stable relationship with a man who loves and cherishes me dearly, and my daughter.
I still have my breast pumps, bottles, infant toys, bassinet, crib, change table, etc.
In regards to having what is needed to care for a child (aside from finances) we have it..all of it! We even have cloth diapers!
Personally, I know we could do it. Even now, we make ends meet with what we have and that at the moment isn't much. But once he starts working, things will get better...easier...in a financial stand point.
I guess my overall question is...
When is the RIGHT time to add to your family?
Should we go by what others thing is "mature" and "responsible"? Or should we do what we feel is best for us...our family and our timing?
Is it right to go by what's truly in your heart?
We only want one more...and since we both want them closer in age, would that not be something that would make this decision, easier?
ps...I will be a stay at home mom until both my children are in full time school...so, give or take 8 years!!
Has anyone been here?