Emma - posted on 08/25/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )
I am not a mom, but I do need the advice of some wonderful mothers. I think that any mom who dedicates the few free moments of her day to become part of the Circle of Moms and better her child's life must have to knowledge and advice that I need. I hope that my question is not unwelcome. I am a very young adult, and I have come to the point where my wants are conflicting with the relationship of a mother who is very important to me.
I am an 18 year old, college student, and my boyfriend is the same and he will be 19 in a few months. We have been a relationship together for about 2 years. My question is when will my boyfriend's mother be able to let him go and be a man. I am an only child and my boyfriend has two younger siblings. One is 13 years old and he has functional autism, the youngest is entering his first year in middle school and has a lot of growing up to do.
To me, my boyfriend is a very strong person. He dedicates most of his time to watching his little brothers, cleaning, and his education. Though he is unemployed with the way our economy is today and lives with his family still. I want him to be able to spend some of his time with me, at home football games, after parties, and the occasional date. We haven't gone on a date in months.
The conflict is his mother. She expects him to attend to his little brothers constantly, and when I go over to visit he cleans most of the time I'm there. When we attend school events they call him expecting him home by 11pm. Is this an acceptable time for a person our age? If he returns home an hour late she takes his car keys like she's punishing a child but at the same time crippling our relationship. Does he need to speak with his mom?
I know he doesn't want to hurt her and feels a responsibility to take care of his brothers. I look at him and see the body and the mind of a man but the heart of her little boy. I feel like I am taking him from her. I do not want to offend his mother and it is very hard for us to communicate because there is a language barrier. I know no matter how old he is he will still be her baby. But, he's my "baby" too now and I know she worries about his safety.
She's openly told him she doesn't want him spending too much time with me because she doesn't want him to become attached and worries that I will become pregnant. He and I have always practiced safe sex before she was aware we had reached that intimate level of our relationship. I don't know what to do. I do not want to cause my boyfriend anymore stress. When will it be the appropriate time for her to let him be involved with me and engage in a social life without having to ask for her permission?