When my daughter was almost 10 I revealed to my daughter that my husband was not her biological father. My husband has been in her life since she was 3 months and we married after she turned one. Ever since she found out she has been acting out and her grades have been slipping. My husband and I are both black and she is biracial. I also had to reveal that to her at the time. She feels rejected by a father she has never met and has decided to punish me for it. My husband treats her no different than our other four children. I feel she is a bit on grateful because so many other children do not have father figures in their lives. I'm not sure what to do about this situation. Some good advice would be greatly appreciated..

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Dove - posted on 10/12/2012

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Get her into counseling. And please don't call her ungrateful. You lied to her about her identity for 10 years. Most people would have a lot of issues after that.



Do you know where her biological father is? That might be information she wants when she is a bit older.



Hopefully with time, patience, and a good counselor she will start behaving the way she used to behave. Preteen years are hard enough without the additional emotional trauma that she is now experiencing.

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Dove - posted on 10/12/2012

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I don't doubt that you did what you felt was right. She probably will come around in time. Preteen is just a really rough time anyway. Good luck with the counseling and all the rest!

Rebekah - posted on 10/12/2012

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Although she has been very vocal to me concerning her feelings you could be right. We'll agree to disagree on the whole lying thing. I did what I thought was right . Besides, the past can't be changed. Hopefully with counseling and support from her family things will turn around for the better.

Dove - posted on 10/12/2012

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I didn't say to meet him NOW. I clearly stated for when she is older....



You DID lie to her about her identity. Half of her genetic make up came from a man that she didn't even know existed for 10 years... how is that not lying? You may think you waited til she was 10 in order to protect her or for her to be able to 'understand', but I'm just trying to say how SHE may very well be feeling right now.



No, treating him like crap or being disrespectful to you are not acceptable behaviors. One of the best ways to deal with misbehavior though is to understand the feelings that are behind the behavior. I'm simply trying to tell you how she MAY be feeling.

Rebekah - posted on 10/12/2012

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I didn't lie to her about her identity. I chose to wait until I felt she was old enough to handle it. I am looking into counseling for her now. My husband has cared for and loved my daughter when her biological father could have cared less. Treating him like crap is being ungrateful. With that being said, I love my daughter and am trying to do what ever possible to make her feel whole again. However, I will not tolerate her being blatantly disrespectful to me. I do not know exactly where he is, but I could find out. Meeting him and have him reject her to her face isn't what she needs right now. When my daughter is eighteen she is free to make her own choices. My job is to protect her and shield her from anymore hurt.

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