When should I tell my son about his biological father?

Alison - posted on 10/05/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I was young when I got pregnant with my son, I was 19 and in an emotionally abusive relationship. I thought having a baby would change my ex, but clearly I was naive also. After having my son, my ex stayed around for about 6 months and then left. To give a bit of back story, he did not have a job, and had a number of habbits that I could no longer support, as the cost of having a baby was enough to handle on my own. So I gave him a choice....get a job, or leave...and he left. To this day he still maintains that it was my fault. We had some regular visits until my son was about 2, but they were never pretty, and I decided I no longer wanted to put my son in those situations. I gave my ex another choice - lets go to court, and fight for full custody and child support, or sign documentation giving me full custody, and I will not ask for any money or child support from you. He chose to sign the papers. then he disappeared for 3 years. in that 3 years I met my husband, and had another baby with him. through this experience, my son forgot about my ex (only being 2 the last time he saw him) and with the introduction of a new baby, that called my husband daddy, he began to call him the same, and today knows my husband as his daddy. About 1 month ago my ex resurfaced. He has another son now, and wants to have a relationship with my son. I know that I am not ready to expose my son to his lifestyle or at least what I once knew it to be....But I am torn as to when and HOW I should tell him that he has a biological father. He loves my husband more than anything, and is a very sensitive boy, the idea of hurting him in any way breaks my heart entirely. Please help

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Dove - posted on 10/05/2012

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Was the documentation that he signed from a lawyer and notarized by a judge? If not... it most likely is not legally binding and he could take you to court for visitations... which may or may not be granted at this point.



Your son definitely deserves to know the truth. You will, most likely, have ALL KINDS of trust issues with him if he somehow finds out the truth on his own (like from his bio father). HOW you go about telling him the truth would be something that I don't know, but I am a huge advocate for honesty. Good luck! Perhaps speak to a child psychologist about the best way to deal with this situation.

Tammy - posted on 10/05/2012

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I would not tell him unless he ask. Because the father signed over all rights, your husband should be able to legally adopt him. It sounds like you have stability and security in your marriage. Let the past go and continue to protect yourself and your son. If any threats come, get a protection or restraining order. You moved past the emotional abuse, do not allow it back in your life! You and your family are in my prayers.

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