When should u let ur child decide to live with their father?

Sandy - posted on 09/04/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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i have a 11 yr old son and his father wants him to go live with him all of a sudden . i told my son it is ok go live with his dad and he can come to mum on weekends/hoildays but i aslo told my son that he doest have to go live with dad just now he also has the choice to go when he finishes high school. my son has been saying he does not want to hurt his dads feelings and dad needs company. i feel my son is too young to make this decision and feel he should stay living with me until he is out of high school and just go to his dads on the weekends as he does. he father works and m son will be home alone before and after school not comfortable with that at al! My sons dad suffers from depression and i think my son is scared his dad will be upset and get depressed if he tell his dad he wants to stay living with mum>any suggestions would be gret a i am confused and dont want to argue with my ex coz my son doesnt want to live with him and i as a mother think this is a decision to big to be put on my 11 soon to be 12 yr old son shoulders!

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Dove - posted on 09/04/2012

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At 12-13 years old I think the kid should have input, definitely, but I wouldn't leave the entire decision in their hands (in most cases). Talk to him about what he does and does not want and why.... then make a list with his and your input of all the pros and cons about him living with his father... then you make the decision from there. Let your son know that it can be open for discussion again in another year or two.

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2012

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When a child turns 13 the court generally will listen to them about where it is they want to live. I think you need to sit your son down and be honest with him and tell him that you think at least for now you think he needs to keep things the way it is and you will revisit this when he is a little bit older.

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