When Should We Have Baby #2?

Elise - posted on 02/08/2010 ( 98 moms have responded )

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My son is 13 months old, birthday Jan. 2nd, and I am itching to give him a sibling! My husband would prefer to wait longer, yet I think that once he is able to get his needs met using words (instead of whining and his newly begun tantrums), it will be a good time. I feel, though, that if I were to get pregnant now, my son will have developed these skills by the time the baby is born. I read that OBGYNs suggest waiting to get pregnant 18 months between each birth, for the healthiest next pregnancy. If you have two or more children, at what age should my son be when his sibling is born? Keep in mind, if I were to get pregnant now, he would be roughly 22 months old. So, 22 months and up for having a sibling, when is the best age? I would prefer to keep them 3 years or less a part. But please give me your input, whether your children are 2, 5, or 10 years apart! Thanks, Moms!

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Sara - posted on 02/11/2010

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Working for a public health firm, I have learned that the recommended spacing is three years. This allows your body enough time to recover fully and be in your best condition for a healthy pregancy. On a personal note, I think waiting a bit longer would be wise. even just 6 months or so. A 2-year old is still quite young and needing a lot of time and attention. Throw a new infant into the mix and you won't be able to devote as much time and energy to your first. I had my second (and third becuase I had twins) when my oldest was 2.5 and I felt it forced her to have to "grow up" a little faster than I would have liked. Not to mention how tiring it is to have more than one little one. Just an opinion.

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Candace - posted on 03/24/2011

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Every mom is different. I can tell you that I am a mother of 2 with a third on the way. My oldest is 19 months and my youngest is 3 months and I am a month along with my third. So my first two are 16 months apart actually and my second and third will be a year apart and the first and last will be roughly 28 months apart. It has it's challenges there are jealous issues that definitely need worked on but looking at it I don't think I would change it for anything in the world. And even though I had them so close I myself didn't have problems with my second pregnancy it was normal. So in my opinion if you think you can handle it and really want another one now, go for it. I know children that are adults now but there are 10 plus years between them and they hate it because they aren't close to each other they kind of grow up in different times is how they see it, I have heard them say many times they wished they were only a few years apart. So that they sibling would be more like their best friend.

Angela - posted on 02/26/2010

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My daughter's are 18 months apart and I love every minute of it! They have there spats here and there but when it's all said and done they are close even if they won't admit to it. They are 10 and 11 now. Although at the time I wasn't planning on having them so close together, now I am so glad I did!

Ashley - posted on 02/25/2010

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I wondered the same thing, but I just went for it! :)
My son is about to be 10 months old and I am 8 weeks pregnant!
So, they will be about 18 months apart...
pray for me! haha :)

Heather - posted on 02/23/2010

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There should be a little more to the timing of an other child than the age of the first...
Consider the cost...what do you what to give each child? Sports, computers, trips...
I have siblings 3 and 4 years younger than me and we did ok. Though the money was tight and looking back my mother wishes she could have given us more.

My two boys are 13 years apart and though we are just at the beginning stages with the second...my oldest loves his little brother and I am sure they will do just fine in the future.

It really is a personal call and agreed on by both mom and dad. :)

Julian - posted on 02/23/2010

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Hi,
We had our second child when my older daughter was 4 years old. We originally planned after the our oldest was born that we would wait at least 3 years (because I was going through school at the time, then I would be done and working). I really like this age gap because she is a little mother to our 13 weeker. She is very helpful and we involved her from the first to avoid jealousy issues.
My 2 sisters-on-law have children under 2 years and a newborn as well and they are struggling a bit because the older child doesnt know to be careful around the newborn, etc. *not to mention diaper central
Either way, you both have to be ready, and nothing anyone tells you can change that

Kelly - posted on 02/23/2010

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Hey Elise,
It does all depend on you really and what you can cope with. I would always think it would be the easiest to have another one after your first is at least potty trained therefore when you have a newborn and another little one running around it would be hard to juggle them around especially if you're feeding your newborn and your first born really needs the toilet. That being said though it's what you can cope with. If you think you could manage a newborn and potty training then go right ahead. My aunty has 4 kids aged 12, 11, 10 and 9. She's a supermum for sure she had 4 kids under the age of 5 running around the house at one point. I have a little girl who's almost 7 months old and I would love to have another one. The newborn stage was so precious and went so quickly and I would love my little girl to have a little brother or sister. Me and my sister are 3 years apart and we didn't always get along like I'm sure most siblings are like that but it was good cause we were at the age gap where we could still play games together.

Vicky - posted on 02/23/2010

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i think your husband is rigth you should wait, wait
intil your 1st born is 5yrs old that way they can help out and wont feel left out. or maybe 2yrs old if you want them to be close in age.

Teresa - posted on 02/23/2010

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I have 3 children all boys, I got pregnate with my second child the month of my 1st childs 2nd birthday. I feel that was a perfect time. When my 2nd son was born my 1st was potty trained and he was okay with not having all the attention on him. My 1st son could also help, with getting diapers or other little things and was happy too. Now on the other hand my 2nd and 3rd child are 23 months apart and I feel that was too close together for me. My middle son was just getting intrested in potty training and once his baby brother came, he was having nothing to do with that and he wanted nothing to do with his baby brother. My youngest will be 1 in a week and to this day my 2nd son doesn't want anything to do with him and throws a fit when "the baby" touches him. The oldest 5 1/2 just loves the baby. Hope this helps

Tonya - posted on 02/23/2010

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MY kids are 10 years apart! My 13 year old is actually my stepson. It has it good parts. Everyone says Isabelle is very mature for her age and I think part of that is having an older brother to kind of learn things from, like talking and how to act. I would love to give her a younger one, but can't. If I could though, I wouldn't go beyond 5 years. I am the oldest of 6. When my had had the first 4, she thought she was done. Then came a little surprise. There is a seven year gap between Tyler and Quin and then 19 months between Quin and Tim. Even though there was only 7 years, it is almost like another family. Tyler is now 21 and Quin is 14. So she still has two at home. We are a really close family, but it is almost like two different families. Like with my situation, when Isabelle is 16, Orion will be 26! So basically, I like your idea of three years. 3-5. Good luck. :)

Amy - posted on 02/23/2010

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Good for you! I thought I wanted my children 2 years apart but nature intended otherwise and we have been struggling with undetermined infertility after a brutal cornual ectopic and my son is now almost 3. If we are blessed with another one they will be close to 4 years apart and I believe if you keep your family close that is all that matters!

BethAnn - posted on 02/22/2010

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I have two daughters and they are 22 months apart. I was trying to have them about 2 years apart so I was pretty close. I am glad I had them this close together. I have friends and family who have children that are separate by 4 years or more and I think my two girls are closer. They are 4 and 2 right now and I know that the love-hate relationship will change many times while they grow but right now they play together and have been that way for over 6 months. I don't know if it would be different if I had a boy and girl but in my opinion I would try to get them as close together as you feel comfortable.

Jessica - posted on 02/21/2010

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Our boys (#1 & #2) are 21.5 mos. apart & that is wonderful-my hubby wanted them closer than he & his brother (3 years) because 'he was always too much younger & couldn't keep up" They are now both in school & play so well together. #3, thankfully a girl, is 4 years younger than #2. If she was a boy, I can't not imagine the fighting we'd have. #2 & #3 are oil & water as it is. Closer is better in our house. Good luck.

Alma - posted on 02/21/2010

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i have three children and all of them are three yrs apart, and it worked out very well for me. cause they was old enough to help a little with the baby, and out of pampers...

Ilance - posted on 02/21/2010

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I think that you need to look at the whole picture of your life and see what works for you first. do you want to have two in diepers at the same time? or potty traing and the first one go back to square one cause it see the baby in diepers so it okay not to train? Me personaly I would have LOVE to have a 2nd child already BUT in the whole picture we can't money wise and i'm not going to do that to my childern so for me i'm plainning on getting pregnant this fall/ winter my daughter is going to be 4 in may so when the baby comes it will be almost time for her to go to school and that way we only have one in daycare. some people might think that, that is not right but i think it is since i wont the best for my childern and to have what they need!

Estella - posted on 02/21/2010

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Just from experience, I got pregnant with my second when my first was 15 months old which made her 25 mon when my son was born. Everywhere I go I get complimented on how well they get along and play with each other. Then really are best friends and its a perfect age difference for us. Now my third and second are two years and 8 mon apart and so far that has been great. During both pregnancies my youngest always went through tantrum phases, but I just tried giving them extra attention so they wouldn't feel left out. My two cents, good luck, go with your gut, Stella

Marie - posted on 02/20/2010

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My oldest girls are 4 1/2 years apart and that has been perfect! The oldest felt NO resentment when the baby came b/c she was done being a baby.They are now 21 and 17, and they have always been close. I think it's a myth that having children close together means they'll be "close"...just as likely, from what I've seen over the years, is for them to never get over the jealousy and competition. I've had so many friends with kids 2 years apart who fight like cats and dogs their entire childhood. I think that 3 to 4 years is best. My youngest are 1 year apart (they are adopted and there are a lot of reasons why I did this) and they do play together a lot, and they do fight a lot, too! Whatever you do, I highly recommend the book "Siblings without Rivalry" by Adele Faber. A wonderful book for anyone who has more than 1 kiddo!

Esther - posted on 02/20/2010

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i waited 2 yrs between my 2 kids am expecting my 3 rd now my daughter will turn 3 two mnths after. i guess its up to the couple.

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We have a son, almost 10 and a daughter, 9 in June. They are 15 months apart and I love it this way. Almost like having twins. Yes, at times I could pull my hair out but we are getting everything "out of the way" at the same time. Diapers, potting training, school years...etc. for example. I wouldn't change it. I do have an older daughter that just turned 20. Long story there but like I said I wouldn't change any of it.

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Wow! so many opinions on this one!!! I say have them close together!!!! I have an eleven year old and a soon to be ten year old, they are sixteen months apart! Than I have a three year old! I can tell you the best choice was having our first two close together! They are now and always have been close! They are so close they even loose their teeth in the same week sometimes the same day,even though there is a small age gap! I have never heard them say they are bored because they always have each other to play with. I don't think that would be any different if they were different sex or the same, as ours are. I see other Moms at our school trying to plan play dates and keep their kids somehow busy, because we all get tired sometime but, we have never had to worry about that. One of the biggest bonuses is safety!!! We do not let our kids out unsupervised and they are two of the last kids who aren't aloud out alone! It's crazy parents today with all you hear about on the news even consider letting their kids out alone but, too many do. Anyways for us our kids don't notice they are not aloud because like I said, they always have each other so they never feel left out. It's also the best thing ever to have a sister or brother you are really truly close to. I also know god forbid anything ever happens to myself or my husband they have each other! My son on the other hand is much harder! He is in a different stage of life and sometimes its difficult to keep him included. He also needs alot of attention and time to keep him busy and I don't think that will change for many years to come! Luckily my two girls are amazing and don't treat him any different than they do each other! We have done it both ways and having babies close together is a huge blessing on many levels!! Good luck!

Danelle - posted on 02/19/2010

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I would say that this is a completely personal preference. I wanted to have my kids close together so that I could get the baby stage over faster. I figured if they were closer together we would be done with diapers faster and on to more fun things. I also did terrible on my birth control after my son was born (hormone issues) and I didn't have insurance to see the doctor and find out what was wrong. He was five months when I went off of birth control. I got pregnant one year and nine months later. Which makes my children nearly three years apart (Vanessa was born May 28th, 2009 and Marcus July 20, 2006).

While I can't say if I would have survived having to little ones, I can say that at nearly three years apart there are a lot of advantages. Marcus loves his little sister. The only time he has shown signs of jealousy for her needing something was when he was sick and felt like he needed me. He helps take care of his sister and is a very proud big brother. He will introduce her, "This is MY baby, Nessa". It's really cute and in many ways helpful. So, there are advantages to waiting.

However, the chances of you getting pregnant right away is going to be slim. You should be ready for it, but it could take awhile. Twenty two months apart seems like it wouldn't be too bad. Your oldest isn't likely to be the big helper yet. He will probably still struggle to make himself understood, but you will manage.

On a second note (sorry if this is getting too long for you), my mother in law has nine kids. All of them are 18 to 2 years apart with the last two being born on August 2 and August 4 two years apart. It worked well for her.

After reading farther down I saw your comment about wanting them to be friends. I would say that a three to four year age gap is about as far as it can get. My brother and I were four years apart and best friends. As for completely understanding that is going to be harder. My son understood something was happening because we would have him feel the baby and talk about her. We also wanted to know what he would end up calling her and tried out names with him. However, he didn't get excited till he was brought into the hospital to see her. He had to sit on his aunt's and uncle's laps and hold her for almost all of them. He didn't spend much time with me because his baby was here.

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My son was just under 3 when my daughter was born. I had always thought 2 years inbetween would be great, but when my son was 2 I was so happy I didn't have another baby. Maybe being a boy? Not sure but he was a handful and at 3 it was a much easier transition then if he had been 2. But somepeople have babies 1 year apart, you learn to live with what you have. My daughter will be 5 once this new baby is born, this will be such a different senario.

Simone - posted on 02/19/2010

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My baby is 10 months and I am pregnant of 2 months and VERY happy as I will be able to raise them together - it will be only 1 year and 5 months difference. But honestly, this is a decision that you need to take together with your husband.
Good luck!!

Sharon - posted on 02/19/2010

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My children are 21 months apart. Now 5 months and 26 months. We used the time while I was pregnant to transition our daughter into all her "big girl" things, her big girl bed, her big girl booster seat at the dinner table, and talk to her about when he came to stay with us that she would need to help Mommy and Daddy by loving her baby brother and "reading" him stories and singing him songs and give him lots of hugs and kisses. She would kiss my belly every night before she went to bed. Now that he's here, she loves him so much and wants to be with him every minute. I hope they will always be this close, it is so much fun.

Maxine - posted on 02/18/2010

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Just be sure to take folic acid in your vitamins BEFORE you get pregnant. It makes you a lot healthier and helps the baby also. 24 months is a good space. the children will be great buddies.

Becky - posted on 02/18/2010

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My boys are just shy of 19 months apart. I got pregnant with my second when my first was 10 months old. It has its pluses and minuses. I think that having 2 pregnancies so close together was rough on me. I had a lot less nausea second time around, but a lot more aches and pains. My first was still breastfeeding, so I had to wean him earlier than I likely would have otherwise (although I waited until he was 14 months anyways) and he wasn't sleeping through the night yet (actually just started this past week!), so I was tired! And it was hard at the beginning, having an 18 month old who didn't understand why he suddenly had to share mommy's attention. We've definitely dealt with some clingyness and tantrums.

But, I don't think I'd change it. It was a fairly smooth transition - I was already changing diapers and getting up at night and dealing with all that stuff, so it wasn't like starting all over again after being done for a few years. When we are done with the baby stage and they are old enough to do things like go to the amusement park and whatnot, I will be able to do that stuff with them, rather than being tied down with another pregnancy or new baby. They'll be at similar stages in their lives, and, I think they'll be close. And, while I worried that my oldest son would feel robbed, suddenly having to share me, the thing is that when he's older, he won't remember a time when he didn't. It's not like a 7 year old who has had mom and dad all to himself for years and suddenly has another sibling. I think there's actually more potential for jealousy in that situation than in ours.

It's a personal decision, because different things work for different families, but for us, this works. Well enough that we will probably have started trying for number 3 by the time our youngest reaches his first birthday.

Janet - posted on 02/18/2010

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I know that my doctors told me that getting pregnant before 12 months after the last one born is dangerous for the pregnancy and the baby, but when and what time is really up to you and your husband.

A lot of factors come into consideration for your family when deciding this, do you want the older one talking, out of diapers, taking care of themselves more and helping you some, do you want close in age or far apart. How would it fit into your family financially? Can you afford to miss work for morning sickness or not feeling good some days? Do you have to work, do you want to work, are you a stay at home mom, does your family NEED your income right now? Will having another child right now stress the budget too much or have you put money back for this occasion?

What will you do when your older children regress? Are you physically and mentally ready for another child, is your spouse? Is it planned or not? How does everyone feel about a new one in the house?

I thought that having the ages of 5, 3 and newborn was awesome for me, I had the older two out of diapers and less daycare to pay for, because my oldest was starting school. But honestly, it all matters to YOU and YOUR HUSBAND. What works for me, may not work for you, and what works for both our families, may not work for anyone else. Just make sure you talk about it with your spouse and make sure it is what both of you want and when. What ever you two decide is right for you, is the right thing.

Marian - posted on 02/18/2010

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My second son Dempsey was born 5 weeks before my first son Nathaniel turned 5 - so almost a 5 year gap. I had the end of Preschool with a New born and it was such an amazing adventure. My boys get along fabulously and Nathaniel is a great help. I didn't want such a great big gap but here are my pros and cons

PRO's: Nathaniel is old enough to entertain himself, understands that Dempsey is a baby, can be quiet when I need him too, can get his own breakfast, snacks and lunch if I am busy feeding, changing settling etc.

CON's: Nathaniel forgets that Dempsey can't do things that he can, gets frustrated that I need to spend so much time with him. Had to remember soooo much about being pregnant, giving birth, holding a baby etc... but it did only take a week or two before I was back in the swing of it.

Good luck. I think any gap is a good gap. My sister is due to have her third baby with current ages being 28 months and 12 months. I couldn't do mine that close together, but she is happy with it.

Fikreta - posted on 02/17/2010

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Aw, your son was born on my b-day : ) I have 2 boys and they are 3.5 years apart. They are best friends. They never fight. I think that's best time for kids and for parents. When I was pregnant with my second boy, believe it or not my older son was big help. In my opinion If you have 22 month old and newborn baby you'd be pretty busy & won't have much time to enjoy just like with first one. You are young, you got time.Your husband is right but it's up to you of course. I wish you best of luck whatever you decide.

Louise - posted on 02/17/2010

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I had my 2 older girls just 15 months apart. There are pros and cons. Firstly it is hard work! they were both pretty lively and getting anything done was like a military operation as really i had 2 babies just at different stages. I used to do the supermarket shopping in the evening without them. I was only 24 then and had a lot of energy.Not sure i could do it now !
I know that daughter number one was quite jealous at the arrival of her sister but after a little adjustment i think this is good for them in the long term to know that they are not the centre of the universe and there are other people.
On the positive side, they are as thick as theives and wouldn't be without each other. Always laughing and messing about together, even now at 11 and 12. They always look out for each other and rarely got bored when they were little as they used to play together so much.
So if you do choose to have another soon be prepared for it being hard work but definately rewarding.

Lani - posted on 02/16/2010

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Only you and your husband can decide what is best for your family. My first child is 6yo next month and I am currently 4 months pregnant with my 2nd child. Everyone kept asking (straight after the first birth) when am I having another. The pressure was unbearable! As parents, my partner and I decided my health was more important than other people's expectations (consequently, this will be my 2nd and last child). We are very happy with our situation because my first child is a happy, healthy and confident child. He can look after himself, he's in his 2nd year at school which he really enjoys and he completes his daily routines without being reminded. My partner's two sisters have 3 + 2 children all within a year apart (hereditary) and they've complained about having no time, feeling pulled in every direction, travel issues, wanting to return to fulltime work etc. Always remember, people can give you advice about parenting but at the end of the day, it's you and hubby who have the kids. Good luck :)

Ashley - posted on 02/15/2010

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There certainly are a lot of mixed posts here. I was interested in this thread because I myself have a 2 1/2 year old and have been wanting another child since she was born. Unfortunately, we suffered with a huge income loss and foreclosure not long after her birth, and while we are finally getting back on our feet, I'm afraid to commit to having another child. I will say, I've done some research on this subject, because I had always wanted my children to be close in age. There are MANY studies and doctors who say that 4 years old is the BEST time to have another child. The reason they give is that the first child is now old enough to understand his/her role in the family. Personally, I like the idea of being able to really enjoy the first couple years of your child's life, without throwing another baby into the mix. I've really been able to dedicate myself to my daughter. In the end, there is really no best age to have a child. It's going to depend on when you and your family feel the time is right. My sister and I were less than three years apart, sometimes we're best friends, and sometimes we have fights that last for months. My aunt has two boys - ages 10 and 2, works GREAT for her. The oldest is such a doting brother, and ALWAYS playing with him, helping him, teaching him new things. I just say, go with your gut!

Christi - posted on 02/15/2010

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Wow! What a lot of posts! I have a 10 month old and can't even conceive of having another yet. That being said, a few of my friends are pregnant with their next one and their first isn't even 2 yet. One thing to consider if that you still have to carry toddlers sometimes, which are often over 20 pounds, and you will be carrying another 20 something pounds being pregnant, which means you will be carrying 50 POUNDS of children regularly until they don't need to be carried as much. My brother is 4 and 1/2 years younger than me and we are really close. I think waiting 3 years sounds easier myself.

Stephanie - posted on 02/15/2010

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Because I was 37 and had difficulty getting pregnant with baby #1, my husband and I decided to start trying for #2 when our son was just13 months old. We thought it might take awhile but it did not. We got pregnant right away (with TWINS) and ended up having 3 children within 22 months....not something I would recommend. For me, all 3 of my children have gotten much more "difficult" from about 18 months on. If you think your 13 month old is having tantrums now.....wait about 6 months. It get's much harder. Personally I would wait at least 6 more months.

Andrea - posted on 02/15/2010

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Hi Elise. I was a single mom when my son was born at age 20. I always told myself that i wanted 2 kids, 4 yrs apart. I definately wanted the 1st one walking, out of diapers and talking well enough to understand him. On the other hand i refused to have a 2nd child not being married. It was definately a struggle raising ONE. I think u are on the right track with ur decision. FYI by the time i was married, my son was 13 yrs and having more children was NOT in the pic!! TOO far apart. Tubes Tied. Yeah

Marie Eleanor - posted on 02/15/2010

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Hi Elise! I'm almost 44 yrs old and my eldest is amost 20. The gap between her and my son is almost 19 months while the gap between my son and 3rd child is 4 yrs and 2 wks and my 3rd child and youngest is exactly 4 years. I don't think there is a best age for a child to have a sibling. At any age, you just have to prepare him for the coming baby. But, it would be better, I think, for him to be 2yrs old or older when his sibling arrives so he can communicate with you already and won't be a handful anymore.

Kyla - posted on 02/14/2010

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My 3 kids are quite close in age. 17months gap between the first 2 and then a 15 month gap. I would've had them closer but it took about 3 months to get pregnant each time. I really like having them close. They play well together now and will growup and go through the same stages together. Now they are 5, 4 and nearly 3 and I love them so much :)

Jill - posted on 02/14/2010

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Everyone's family is unique. It's about what is right for yours. My boys are 22 months apart. From the day the 2nd came, life got so much easier. My once attention-hungy older one accepted his brother. They truly grew up as best friends, are to this day (now 19 and 17). It was ideal for our family.

Nancy - posted on 02/14/2010

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ok girls, i'm a granny:) and i must say i feel bad for the children without close siblings..

children do better and by the time your first is almost 2, the next should be on the way:)

it's easier mommas and they grow up with a sis or brother they can learn and want to play with.. Love them babies........

Tone - posted on 02/14/2010

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I have 3 kids.. and each one are 22 months apart I love it.. they play good together.. yes it is kind of hectic sometimes.. but still I love the age they are.. apart.. because they get to be close and can play together great.. So go for it if you ask me..
I have hear that about 2 year apart is good.. and we have done it 3 times.. and are really happy with it.. but I also have 2 kids in diper at the same time.. which for me is fine. .but some peopel do not like that. .I have not pushed my kids to get toilet train thats why.. but Yepp I will say go for it.. it will be great.. and just think how close they will be when they get older. :).. mine are so they go to school every 2 years.. it just happend to end that way.. .. :)

Leslie - posted on 02/14/2010

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I've just scanned a couple of the other postings and I would agree that too large a gap in age creates a situation where the kids probably won't relate to each other very much, but I have to say I did enjoy having mine spread apart - we've had a lot of fun times together. They're now 16, 22 and 23.

Leslie - posted on 02/14/2010

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My oldest child and my stepdaughter are almost 14 months apart and there were some advantages to having them be close enough in age to be close friends to each other, but there are also some advantages to having them spread farther apart in age. My youngest child was born six years after the other two kids and they are all very close. I had more energy to devote to him as a baby and much less stress. He also learned many things more easily because he had the two older kids as role models. I wouldn't recommend a huge spread in age, but I would point out that asking a two or three year old to share his mommy with a newcomer is much more stressful for you and him than if your child is four or five, or even six. And having one child who has been potty trained for some time before you have another baby certainly reduces the amount of stuff you have to carry around with you. Whatever your decision, enjoy!

Dawn - posted on 02/14/2010

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Elise,
My two daughters are 22 months apart. I was exactly in your shoes and did get pregnant. I wanted them close in age, but not too close. I found this to be perfect for us. My older daughter has taken wonderfully to being a big sister. She has had some jealousy but not much. It was difficult at first, but it is wonderful. My youngest is only 9 months old and I'm ready for baby #3. Unfortunately, my husband is not, which is fine for now. Everyone is different and I appreciate your honesty. This is a hard topic to discuss and everyone has their own opinions. My advice would be to talk to you husband and express your pros and cons and let him do the same. No matter what, it will be hard at first as everything is, but you adjust and it will work out no matter what you both decide. Good luck.

Nazia - posted on 02/14/2010

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hi, i have five kids. they are all 18 months apart except for the youngest two who are 16 months apart. i found it hard at the time when they were younger but honestly it get much easier as they grow! they basically look after each other and the older kids help the younger ones with school work so i can sit back and relax now. if you leave a big gap then the older child feels left out and it feels like you are starting all over again.

Angelia - posted on 02/14/2010

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My kids are 3 yrs and 2 days apart. I wanted them to be about 3 yrs apart and it has worked out wonderfully. My daughter is a big help to her little brother and since he has Down's I'm glad we had them further apart so she can help teach him things.

Lynda - posted on 02/14/2010

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Elise, it is between you and your husband. If you go against his wishes and feels pressured then it will form another set of problems.
My own children are two years and 2 months apart. They are the best of friends. But today I met a lady that between her last child and the next is 20 years!!
It really doesn't matter what the age gap is - if you have a great family unity then it will work.
Take care and communicate with your husband openly.

Amanda - posted on 02/13/2010

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i think its about you and your hubby being happy to have more and then it wont matter what age your son is, if you are happy he will be!!

Pamela - posted on 02/13/2010

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My kids are two years apart and three years apart, As an observant mom, three years was best. I am the oldest kid and my folks gave me three brothers in four years. The best relationship with one was the one three years younger, growing up - and now! The worse relationships I have seen are 4 years and more. Four years makes a generation apart. Too much age difference and they will never be able to share any sport or activities and their interests are quite varied. Two year and less in my experiences, lead to more competitions (and battles).

Deborah - posted on 02/13/2010

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I have 3 children 2 daughters 25 and 18 and a son 17. Both had positives and negatives. Having the large gap the eldest was off at school and settled in her ways for me to focus on the baby down side she was not a play mate for her but now they are older they are very close. The 2 closer together were playmates but was more work meeting both their needs but they are close now they are grown. I feel it does not matter when you have the 2nd they will find their place with each other

Sam - posted on 02/13/2010

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my kids are 14 months apart, i would have liked to wait maybe a little longer but mother nature didn't agree! my 2 are the best of friends and i know that whatever happens that they will always have eachother.

Samantha - posted on 02/13/2010

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i think that the age of two would be good, or 1 1/2, cause he wont be so jealous, or mean to the new baby, and their ages wont be so different when they get older, so they can be friends when they grow up, and you wont have two babys in diapers

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