Tim - posted on 11/04/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
I have a 17 yr. old daughter and a 20 yr. old daughter. I am a single father since 2005 with sole custody. Their mother is an alcoholic. My youngest daughter within the last 3 to 3 1/2 yrs has been dealing with disruptive and aggresive behavoir as well as underage drinking and smoking pot. Within the last year things have been getting really bad with her behavoir.constant overstepping boundries and dissobeying rules set in place by taking off and drinking at parties as well as smoking pot. Dissrupting the houshold with outburst and innapropriate behavoir, cussing at myself and others when things dont go her way. Physical abuse toward me and her sibbling. I have on numerous occasions have found either or both paraphenalia and or pot in her bag from school, or hidden in her room. I have had several conversations with her that it would not be tollerated and she could end up in real trouble if she would get caught. Her attitude toward this would always be, ( I dont care, I will smoke pot whenever I want) She also has violent outbursts destroying family property, kicking holes in the walls,throwing glass, plates, electronics, you name it. As well as physically abusing me by striking and allout punching me, sometimes while we are driving up the road. some time ago she had come home from spending the weekend at some friends house in the area where her mother lives. I had noticed a bowl used for smoking pot in her bag. which wasnt the first time. I immediately destroyed it and threw it away. The following day when I was off to work and she was getting ready for school she noticed it was missing. She immediately called me at work and asked where the bowl was. I said I destroyed it, and we would talk about it after school. She replied with multiple profanities included that we will talk about it now and she wasnt going to school until then. Ireplied no later. To make a long story short, she continued to call my work at different extensions disrupting coworkers asking for me. I said I would be right home to discuss the matter. On the way home I called the State Police to meet me at my house. They gave her about a 45 minute lecture on where this would lead if she continued and then they loaded her up in the cruiser and took her to school. It seemed to have worked for some time. But then it started again with voilence toward me and her sister, in which her sister called the police and had her cited. fast forward 2 weeks, she got upset while on facebook with a boyfriend that broke up with her because in his words he was sick of her not having her drivers license and hauling her around. She stated she wabted me to take off work the following day to get her permit. I stated I would not let her take off, and reminded her she was already off the week before for 3 days with the stomach flu and I didnt want her to get behind. She reacted by throwing the computer screen on the floor follewed with glass vases ect. I told her she needed to calm down or I would be forced to call the police. At that point she began to assault me physically with punches to the head. I told her I was going to go next door to get her aunt and call the police, in which she followed me to the door spitting in my face and continuing to punch me. As I tried to retreat to the back door, she continued the assault. I placed my hand on her shoulder and slid her aside as she continued swinging at me and lost her footing and went down hitting her face causing her injury. With all this Her mother turned me in for abuse stating I hit her. After speaking with the CYS agent investigating She instructed me to tell her to get home from her mothers, but I still have to be investigated through child protective services and cleared. A week later with outbursts in between, I had found pot in her bag and turned it over to the police. With this I had to take her to the public defenders office to get a lawyer to represent her being she is a minor. She is scheduled to appear at the probation office and possibly before the judge. It was a step I felt that I had to take with many chances in between to get herself together. Today we had her appointment with the public defenders office where her mother showed up and insisted on taking her. This is the same woman that only has time when it doesnt inconvience her. My child was dissrespecting me in the waiting room with her mothers approval the whole time and afterwards as well in the lobby. Cussing me out for being a terrible father for ruining her future and that I should have taken care of this within the home and not involve authorities. I am totally beside myself. I have the support of the few that are close enough to know my dillema including her sister. Any advice on if I handled this correctly, or anything I can do would be greatly appreciated. Her mother doesnt want any part in being a partner in parenting and helping correct the situation to get our daughter back to a healthier happier young woman where she once was. I just want the days of 3 years ago where my daughter and I had a great relationship, the one where she was involved in school sports, had positive friendships, was always outside with me and her sister shooting hoops or playing catch with the softball. I am truly heartbroken and lost. I need help!