when to stop co-sleeping with a child

Kandis - posted on 10/12/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I have a 16 month old lil mommas boy, who loves to sleep with mommy and daddy... I really dont mind it, but I would like to get him started sleeping in him own crib... who, what ,when how should I go about this? is any one else still co-sleeping at this age ?!

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Tricia - posted on 10/12/2009

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Never did the co-sleeping... too dangerous and kids and parents need space... my kids loved the crib and now love their rooms... they love their private time and also feel refreshed for the family time. I feel refreshed too. They have learned independence as well as confidence in themselves. They feel that there is nothing they can do themselves, but they truly identify with Mom and Dad as the end all, be all in their world. The hardest time is the first two to three weeks... try the Ferber method... Worked like a charm for me... My kids are very loving and well-adjusted, even my asperger's son.

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Linda - posted on 02/20/2012

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I am trying to find ANY sensible responses to this from Dr's and hospital personnel who KNOW this is Dangerous, careless and if nothing BAD happens, the habit is terrible to start, not to mention how can you spend quality time with your husband with a child in the room!?!?! Please Im trying to find constructive information and help for this, a dear friend of mine is sleeping in her daughters bed (3 years old) because she isn't ready to put an end to it yet. When she does Leave, her daughter comes in and stands next to mommy's bed and screams her head off!!! Mom does nothing to deter this behavior!! ANY suggestions to get the mom in her bed and the daughter is her own, where she belongs!!!

Jessica - posted on 08/10/2010

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About the dangers of co-sleeping: look up Dr James McKenna, he studies what happens when babies and parents sleep together. According to his research, mothers who are breastfeeding do not roll on their babies - they know where they are in their sleep. The greater danger is babies becoming wedged between the bed and wall/furniture. However it is perfectly possible to bedshare safely IF you know how to do it right: block any gaps at the edges, and don't do it if you/partner are affected by medications that cause drowsiness, alcohol/drugs, or are so exhausted that you might not wake if you rolled onto baby.
There is a lower risk of SIDS if babies sleep in the same room as their parents for the first six months; you can put the crib next to the bed if you don't want to bedshare.
The right age to stop co-sleeping is when it stops working for you, there's no set age! When you want to make a change, I recommend Elizabeth Pantley's 'No cry sleep solution' (there's a second book for toddlers and preschoolers).

Jenna - posted on 10/12/2009

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i agree with tricia it is dangerous i lost many a night sleep waking up cheking on my son. I have been doing control crying on and off for the past year and half and he is just a cuddly kid mind you we had him sleeping in our room since he was born which i feel is what started it. I will be honest my husband and i both snore so i think it was more noise orientated if its quiet he wont sleep. I was the same still am growing up in darwin i could not fall asleep unless the fan was going i have heard of some people putting an alarm clock radio in the babys room for noise. You really have to look around your room and look around your childs room and see what noise differences there are mind you my son is 2 and half and he still crawls into my bed at night. I dont think it is a bad thing everyone one said your building a rod for your own back but it really isnt that bad the only person who has a problem with it is my husband but i find its the best from of birth control i know!!!! Only start the control crying in his crib if you think he is ready for it your his mum you know when he will be ready and make sure your husband or a friend is with you it can be quite upsetting well it was for me good luck

[deleted account]

sleeping with them can be vvv dangerous..I am a telecommunicator/emt/firefigther...I have had a few infant/toddler deaths from this...this is alot worse than the crys...from rolling over on them, parents never relize it...in fact I had a similar call about 1 month ago..

[deleted account]

Quoting Tricia:



Quoting Joy:




Quoting Tricia:

Never did the co-sleeping... too dangerous and kids and parents need space... my kids loved the crib and now love their rooms... they love their private time and also feel refreshed for the family time. I feel refreshed too. They have learned independence as well as confidence in themselves. They feel that there is nothing they can do themselves, but they truly identify with Mom and Dad as the end all, be all in their world. The hardest time is the first two to three weeks... try the Ferber method... Worked like a charm for me... My kids are very loving and well-adjusted, even my asperger's son.








Please don't feel like I am putting down what you said, but co-sleeping isn't dangerous.  There was a study that proved that all the cases where babies were smothered by there parents in bed, the parents were either drunk or on drugs. 










Never chanced it... As a nurse, It doesn't take drugs or alcohol... just fatigue.  They need to learn to comfort themselves.  It makes the later years so much better.  No clingy kids and secure in themselves for decisions. 





 

Tricia - posted on 10/12/2009

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Quoting Joy:



Quoting Tricia:

Never did the co-sleeping... too dangerous and kids and parents need space... my kids loved the crib and now love their rooms... they love their private time and also feel refreshed for the family time. I feel refreshed too. They have learned independence as well as confidence in themselves. They feel that there is nothing they can do themselves, but they truly identify with Mom and Dad as the end all, be all in their world. The hardest time is the first two to three weeks... try the Ferber method... Worked like a charm for me... My kids are very loving and well-adjusted, even my asperger's son.






Please don't feel like I am putting down what you said, but co-sleeping isn't dangerous.  There was a study that proved that all the cases where babies were smothered by there parents in bed, the parents were either drunk or on drugs. 






Never chanced it... As a nurse, It doesn't take drugs or alcohol... just fatigue.  They need to learn to comfort themselves.  It makes the later years so much better.  No clingy kids and secure in themselves for decisions. 

Joy - posted on 10/12/2009

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Quoting Tricia:

Never did the co-sleeping... too dangerous and kids and parents need space... my kids loved the crib and now love their rooms... they love their private time and also feel refreshed for the family time. I feel refreshed too. They have learned independence as well as confidence in themselves. They feel that there is nothing they can do themselves, but they truly identify with Mom and Dad as the end all, be all in their world. The hardest time is the first two to three weeks... try the Ferber method... Worked like a charm for me... My kids are very loving and well-adjusted, even my asperger's son.



Please don't feel like I am putting down what you said, but co-sleeping isn't dangerous.  There was a study that proved that all the cases where babies were smothered by there parents in bed, the parents were either drunk or on drugs. 

Joy - posted on 10/12/2009

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Also, don't feel like a pushover for not letting your child "cry it out". This is what they call attachment parenting, and it's proven that children who are raised this way tend to be more independant when they get older. This is because they feel safe and confident because they know that if anything happens, you'll be right there for them. There is nothing wrong with simply giving your baby the love and comfort they need from Mommy and Daddy, even if it's while sleeping.

[deleted account]

Keep in mind it still can be dangerous for him to sleep with u, even at 16 months...You'll go through a couple nights of hell, but u need to do it....let him cry, y it's vvvvvvvv hard, wait 5 min., check make sure he is not wet, hungry, sick, but u will know the difference in his crys, if something is really a mater...best to put him to sleep in another room, if he can see u, it'll make it worse on him...You'll have to have to ween him somex...4 to 5 is the oldest they should sleep with u, occassionly...btw-i have twins, so I did it with two, it can be done....up to 10 is the max if they r sick...u can always go to their room and sleep...

Heidi - posted on 10/12/2009

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My son is 5 and still tries to sleep with me. My son's issue was I let him start at 2 when the divorce was happening, it went on to about two months ago, he still tries but it was a long haul to get him most nights in his bed. I would start him out in his crib at naps so you have along stretch of time to work with him then at night. When you are ready for it at night time you should lay on the floor beside the crib and slowly over days work your way out to sitting outside his room.

Lisa - posted on 10/12/2009

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My son is 13 mo, and although I am trying to get him in his own crib, I have to admit he still ends up with us. Honestly, I can't sleep well until he is there. I enforce the routine of bath, book, bed, but there are usually 2 stints of him sleeping there before he finally has worn me out and I bring him into our bed. I know everyone will say to "cry it out" but I tried and I am not a believer...good luck to us both, but I really don't think it is as bad as other people do. Cosleeping is a choice that was made, and there are a lot of positive things that come from it. Even a more confident, well-rounded personality! I'd say that is pretty important in this day, and well worth the ocaisonal inconvenience of having a little cuddly body with us!:)

Joy - posted on 10/12/2009

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Haha don't feel like you're the only person in the world! My husband and I have done the same with my son since he was an infant. When he was about 11 months, I started trying to get him used to sleeping in a crib, but if he woke up in the middle of the night and didn't go right back to sleep, I would bring him back into bed with me. Even now, my son is 2 and he is in a toddler bed, but a lot of times he'll get up in the middle of the night and crawl into my bed. I don't know if you've ever read any books by Dr. Sears, but he is an awesome childrens doctor, and he is all for attachment parenting and the "family bed". In one book of his, he said that as long as you are fine with it, there is not a certain age that your child should be out of your bed, and that they usually will grow out of it themselves. So like with my son, I figure that whenever he doesn't need the comfort of sleeping with me anymore, he will stop waking up in the middle of the night. Don't let people tell you that you're doing the wrong thing. I know how judgmental people can be about subjects like this, but there are plenty of professionals (like Dr. Sears) who support it completely.

Amanda - posted on 10/12/2009

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I just started a routine with my son and play a lullaby for him in his crib. He falls right asleep and sleeps for a while!! Children will do things when they are ready. My son was ready, but yours may not be. It's worth a shot :) Good luck

Jessica - posted on 10/12/2009

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I have a two year old and five year old still in our bed! I was warned not to start that, but most of us do it I'd guess the earlier you get them out the better. The first few nights in his crib may be rough, but it'll pass. At least that's what they say anyway. Good luck!

Claire - posted on 10/12/2009

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my sons 9 months old and we have just moved home so have had to do this for 2 weeks, i have just started the last few nights having him in his own cot, yes he does scream puff and pant and throw a tantrum but you have to let them self-soothe otherwise they got u wrapped round there little finger. put a few of the childs fav toys in the cot or an item they usually fall asleep holding that helps. and you have to be strong and stick to it, it is hard not to go picking them up and saying mammys here but a child should be in there own bed.

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