When two families become one......HELP

Kili - posted on 03/22/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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So I am a single mother of 2 children. One boy (5) and one girl (8). I've been a single mom for about 7 years and I admit it's not easy. Thing is... I've been seen someone for 7 months now and it's so great. He's great with the kids too. He has a daughter (4) and it was good and easy in the beginning. Now she's got so much attitude and disrespect that I'm so lost for words on what to do. I babysit her on a weekly basis and on the weekends she goes with her mom. I know look at her as my own child but there is also a fine line drawn to parenting and discipline when it's someone else's child. I want to make sure I do what's rite and also not let my relationship fail because of it. Any advice on this situation?

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Kili - posted on 03/23/2016

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They have been separated for a year. That's my understanding. He's basically a single parent some times on weekend she goes with the mom and sometimes it's just one day during the week. Basically when she feels like taking her.

Michelle - posted on 03/22/2016

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Why are you looking after his daughter when she is supposed to be at her Mum's? ( I babysit her on a weekly basis and on the weekends she goes with her mom.)
How long have your BF and his ex been separated?

Raye - posted on 03/22/2016

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Well, first, it seems you both moved kind of fast with becoming a "family". You've only been dating for 7 months, and (IMHO) that's not long enough to know that it's a lasting relationship. You should have ONLY just been introducing each other to the kids at this point. That you are asking this question of strangers tells me that you and your BF have not talked enough about blending your families, how you are going to parent together, and what the combined rules and consequences will be for ALL the kids in the household. This should be remedied, and quick.

If you are "babysitting" (sorry, but I hate that word when referring to children you "look to as your own"), then the child does need to know you're in charge. You need to discuss this with the father, and get on the same page with him about your parenting styles and how to proceed with his daughter. He also needs to make it clear to his daughter that you have the same authority that he does.

Something else to think about, is that she could be acting out more now because she's more comfortable with you. My step-kids were more on good behavior when I was dating their dad, and when we first got married. Now that they've become more comfortable and know kind of what to expect from me, they've loosened up, and I get to see the real temper tantrums. YAY! She's also probably realizing that mom and dad really aren't getting back together, and that could have her frustrated as well. Kids at that age can't express their feelings well. Be understanding with her.

Also keep in mind that the kids are very young yet, and they will be typical kids that throw fits, are stubborn, and generally act like kids. Make sure you're not being too easy or too tough on any of them. Just because something isn't equal doesn't mean it's not fair. Some things will be different because the kids are different genders and ages, but the rules and consequences should be as fair as possible and appropriate to the child and the "crime".

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