When your teenager is being disrespectful and not doing what is asked of him, what sorts of things can you do to turn this behavior around?

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Jodi - posted on 01/09/2013

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I just grounded my son for a week, no friends, no electronics, no phone, no games. I set him mountains of chores. It was a very long week, but it seems to have done the trick. He has been most apologetic about his attitude.

Basically, privileges are earned, not a right.

Ariana - posted on 01/09/2013

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Yeah, for chores I would have a list or setup explanation of what chores he's expected to do and have it so he can't do 'fun' things until it's done. Same with his homework. Make it so after school he's can have some time to relax and then he has to do his homework and chores before he's allowed to do other things (go out, use tv, internet etc.). It might also be effective to have it so he has to do it by a certain time. If he hasn't done his chores and/or homework by 7:30, and refuses to do it even though he's not allowed to do anything else give him a consequence, take his cell phone away etc. That way he realizes it's work before play and he doesn't get to go out or do things unless he's finished his regular responsibilities.

Another thing would be don't nag him or tell him to do it over and over, but if he starts to go out or try to do something simply tell him not until your chores/homework is finished.

As for his room tell him it can look how it wants unless it's got something gross (food or something) in it, and that if it's a mess his friends aren't allowed in there. Maybe have it so he has to do a month 'big clean' and the rest of the time he can do as he wants.

Donna - posted on 01/09/2013

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Thanks for your advice. I'm basically asking him to do his homework and clean his room and some other small chores around the house.

Ariana - posted on 01/09/2013

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What are you asking him to do?

I always try to get it so that if you're asking him to do things like chores or things he's expected to do try to make it so there is a schedule or a list etc so that it isn't YOU asking him to do something but him fulfilling his responsibilities. What you need to do sometimes really depends on the situation.

In general the advice I have is to try and have clear rules/expectations and consequences that match up to whatevers been done as much as possible. Without knowing more it's hard to give proper advice.

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