Where are my friends?

Susan - posted on 03/18/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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For most of my adult life I was a very happy individual. I had a great husband, a healthy, beautiful child, alot of friends, my health, a nice comfortable home, a great family and a wonderful church home. Life was good! Eighteen years ago, life dealt me a blow. My husband divorced me, (he found someone he liked better), we had also moved to a new area where I was trying to make friends, so that made it even more difficult. I moved back to my hometown and found a full time job. I was lousy at it, but it paid the bills. Over time, I made new friends and connected with old friends. Then around 2005, I started getting sick. Drs could not find anything wrong with me. I saw 33 drs and spent thousands of dollars before I got a diagnosis. I had to quit my job, move in with my elderly dad, eventually becoming his full time care giver. Today, I find myself broke and broken. I cannot work. I have two debiltating diseases along with chronic pain and chronic fatigue. I no longer have a life. i try to call friends, but they are slowly pulling away. In the beginning I had a great support system, but not anymore. I don't know what to do. I never dreamed my life would turn out this way. Oh, yes, I also lost a boyfriend during all of this too. I get very lonely. My father has dementia and can't communicate with me well. I have a strained relationship with my daughter, and my brother who I am close to, lives 11 hrs away. I keep hoping I will wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream.
At times the emotional pain is more difficult than the physical pain.
I really miss my friends right now. Some of them I have known for 20-40 years, and we have been good friends. I always thought they would be there in good times and bad. And now, during the most difficult, challenging time in my life they are not there. I am going through it all alone. And it is so very, very hard.

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Susan - posted on 03/19/2016

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Thank you for your reply. So far, you are the only one I have heard back from.
I am sorry that you are having difficulties and hardships in your life as well.
I am grateful for having a place to live, and I don't ever forget that. My father also pays my way through life, and although I am indeed very grateful, I feel terrible guilt from it. I also think people and mostly family members know it and resent that fact. But, I also am my father's caregiver and only pay myself $100 a month for doing what I do.
I worry about my health issues and know that if he died soon, I would be in a pickle.
I have been denied disability three times. It is okay. I didn't really want it, I tried to focus my energy on getting myself well.
I have a wonderful brother, but my daughter and I rarely speak. I would not be able to depend on her.
I am so sorry for your losses. I am sure you miss them very much.
Are you a person of faith? I am and I always remind myself that God is in control and has a plan for all of us. If we need help, all we need to do is ask.

Thank you again for your kindness. It is much appreciated.

Mairin - posted on 03/19/2016

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Hello Susan,

I have not experienced all that you have, but my life has not been very easy even when I was young. I have been thinking about this kind of thing myself. It does seem life gets harder as we get older. People die that were important to us, and I think as we age it gets harder to make new friends. Our bodies start breaking down too.

It seems we have to learn to be thankful for whatever we do have. You have a place to live and you have a brother you love and apparently loves you. Maybe when your father is gone you can move closer to your brother.

I don't have answers, I wish I did. I have lost a lot in the past 7 years, my mother, my brother, my wonderful village that I loved, and moved to a very hostile, remote and inhospitable place. I have also lost my health and I cannot seem to find peace of mind. Life is so hard.

If I were near you I would try to be your friend.

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